Prêt-à-porter
by kelvinng90
Summary: Confident and handsome Kendall is a working male model at the top of his game signed to Rocque Models while the shy and awkward Logan got into the industry by accident. Logan has feelings for Kendall but at the same time he's afraid to let Kendall know because the rumor mill is like a top model's second home. AU. Kogan. SLASH! Rated T for now.
1. Prologue

'Okay, honey boo. You're all set to go. Break a leg!' Carlos, the makeup artist quipped, wiping off the excess powder from my face.

'Thanks, Carlitos.' I said and proceeded to meet with my co-star for the day, Kendall, on the set of the photo shoot.

As I was walking to Kendall, I saw him practicing his poses. Whoa! Everything he did blew me away! From his facial expressions to his body movements, that guy was a natural model! Although I've been in the game for quite some time now, I have to admit that I still think of myself as an amateur. There was definitely no way I could measure up to Kendall's abilities as a model.

'Hey, Logan.' Kendall sounded so sexy and he smiled at me, his mesmerizing green eyes meeting my brown ones.

'H-Hey…'I stuttered. Damn! That's what I do every time he smiles at me and talk sexy to me like that.

'Are you nervous?' Kendall asked.

'A little…'

'Don't be. I'm here with you and remember what I taught you, okay?' Kendall's lips creased into a smile and I can't stop looking into his eyes.

I smiled and nodded. I must have looked like an idiot right now because my smile was kinda big.

'Models, are you ready? Okay, good. Remember the brief, alright? We're shooting for a big company here and they are paying millions for this so we want to turn out something good and usable. Keep in mind what they want you to do! Pose like you're in love with each other, alright? Don't let me down, boys!' Gustavo said.

Gustavo was the regional director of Rocque Model Management Los Angeles, the model agency that I'm signed to here in LA. He rarely visits photo shoot sets unless the shoot was for a big client, like this time. Kendall and I were handpicked by the representatives of Salaciously Sleazy Condoms for this job. Yes, that's right. This was my first time working with someone else, specifically my crush since I moved here, Kendall, and what better way to start than promoting condoms together, right?

I can remember that day when the two representatives of the condom company, a man and a woman, came to the agency offering Gustavo an advertising deal for their condoms. But there was a catch: they wanted male models only. So, all the male models were called back to the agency to be considered by the client. According to them, the advertising campaign, which includes a television commercial, print ads, magazine spreads and also online ads, was targeted at the gay community to raise awareness for safe sex. The campaign will launch on World AIDS Day and will run for the entire month of December. One interesting fact is that they were the first in the industry to come up with this idea as no other condom companies have done this before. Gustavo found the idea interesting and new, coupled with the opportunity to make millions out of this deal, how could he not take it? In the end, six of us were chosen for the campaign: me, Kendall, James, Dak, Jett and Beau. They paired us up in that order and we were given a schedule for the shoots we have to do for the campaign. Of course, I felt really blessed to have this opportunity because I get to represent and reach out to the community that I belonged to although I was closeted.

The first shoot we had to do was the photo shoot for the print ad, which took place over a course of three days, one day for each pair of models. The schedule was arranged in such a way where Kendall and I were the last pair to do the photo shoot. So we had ample time to prepare since we only had to go to the studio on the last day. But I was and always have been a nervous wreck. The fact that I was paired with Kendall was not much help, since I became more nervous around him. However, Kendall, whom I pray and hope doesn't know about my little crush on him, was the kind of guy who was genuinely helpful and caring. I can't remember how many times people have said that the modeling industry is a dog-eat-dog world but with Kendall around, I don't see that at all. We shared a room in the models apartment and he offered to practice posing with me in preparation for the photo shoot. Our bodies made contact with each other countless times while we were in the room but it was only because we wanted to give this shoot today our best although I would be lying if I said I didn't enjoyed being touched by him.

'Logan, look into Kendall's eyes and put your hands around his waist! Yes, keep that pose! Kendall, hold the condom higher! Alright, good!' The photographer shouted his instructions.

Kendall and I looked into each other's eyes and we posed like that for a while, with him holding the condom and grabbing my waist while I did the same, only I had no condom with me. We were completely nude save for the pair of nude undergarments we had on our lower body to create the illusion that we were in fact, nude. I tried my hardest to suppress a growing boner that I had. It would be embarrassing if he felt my hard on. Moments later, the woman representative for the condom company arrived at the set. Thank God for her! At least now I can get distracted for a bit and let my boner die down. We stopped momentarily while she looked at some of the pictures that were taken of us at the computer monitor. She was discussing some things with Gustavo and the photographer and she was frowning and shaking her head. I guess she didn't like the pictures. I realized that Kendall still had his arms around me. Oh my God! My heart was beating at an insanely rapid rate when I realized that!

'Okay, boys, listen up! These pictures are good but I feel like you are doing the same things that the previous two pairs had done. I need you to spice this up a little! Can you do that for me?' The woman representative shouted her request.

'Got that!' Kendall shouted back and he turned back and smiled at me. 'Let's do this, Logan.'

I gulped. Do what?

'Get ready!' The photographer shouted.

I was still at a loss at what to do with the woman representative's request to spice things up. But I was caught completely off guard when Kendall leaned his head forward and sucked on my lower lip. I almost freaked out at this sudden move he made on me. But what the fuck, I enjoyed what he was doing to me!

'Yes! Keep that pose! Kendall and Logan, look into the camera but don't lose the lip contact!' The photographer sounded excited and I saw him clicking fiercely away on his camera.

Kendall and I looked to the direction of the camera, our lips still together. His right hand still coiled around my waist while his left hand was holding the condom. I didn't know what to do so I put my right hand on Kendall's waist as well.

'Logan, drop that hand!' The photographer instructed. I dropped my hand. 'Yes, good! Only a few more to go…and done! Good job, guys!'

Our lips parted ways. The photographer, Gustavo and the woman representative went over the pictures on the computer monitor. Although the shoot was over, Kendall was still holding on to me. I was tempted to rest my head on his chest but I brushed off that thought as I do not want him to think that I was some kind of freak.

'Good job, Kendall and Logan! You have the best set of photos out of all three pairs! I hope you keep up your performance in the commercial shoot as well! Thank you and see you!' The woman was happy with our photos as evidenced by the big smile on her face. She thanked Gustavo and the photographer and left after that.

'You did me proud, guys! But let's not get too happy now! Practice your lines and work on your expression for the commercial. Practice with each other to get that chemistry, okay? I'll see you later!' Gustavo said.

'Thanks, Gustavo!' Kendall said.

'See you!' I said.

I realized that Kendall was still holding on to me. I began to feel a little self-conscious now. I turned my attention from Gustavo to him, looking at him shyly. He smiled at me, his green eyes as mesmerizing as ever. God, I'm gonna melt!

'That was very good, Logie.' Kendall said. What did he just call me?

'Um...thanks...' I wanted to look up at him but I can't seem to, as though my head had weighed a thousand pounds.

Kendall leaned near to my ear and whispered. 'And your lips are so soft I can suck on it all day.' After he said that, he pecked me on the cheek.

Oh…my…God…did Kendall just…? Kendall untangled himself from me and left. I was rooted to the ground, staring into blank space and unsure if what just happened was for real or just my imagination.

* * *

**A/N: This is my first BTR fanfic so I'm keeping my fingers crossed! I hope you guys will read it and tell me what you think about it. And yes, I ship Kogan! :D**


	2. Me? A model? You must be kidding!

Five months. That's how long I've been in LA. And five months ago, the thought of stepping into this industry didn't even cross my mind!

I didn't come all the way from my hometown in Minnesota to pursue my dreams of modeling in Los Angeles, California. Heck, modeling isn't even my dream! That's right, modeling is not Logan Mitchell's cup of tea!

So, why am I here, in the bustling and colorful City of Angels? I was originally here to pursue my dreams of being a doctor. I graduated from high school recently back in Minnesota and I applied for medical schools throughout the country. Life was pretty boring and uneventful, with me having to wait for the news. It didn't last long, however, when one day I received a letter telling me that I had been accepted to a medical school in LA. I was literally over the moon when I read the letter but at the same time, I felt like this was too good to be true. I double confirmed with the school and I was indeed, ACCEPTED! I told my parents about it and they were very happy for me. But there was one problem: I had to relocate to LA. The thought of it was rather scary since I've never been out of Minnesota before. I didn't know what to expect. To be quite honest, I'm not a very independent person. Instead, I'm a home boy if I do say so myself. I had a lengthy discussion with my parents and we came to the conclusion that I should leave for LA. I'm thankful for my parents that they helped me understand that in order to turn my dream into reality, I had to make some sacrifices. Furthermore, it was about time I learned to be independent. So, to cut the long story short, I was on a plane with my luggage, my documents and about 2000 dollars in my pocket, and I was headed for LAX.

Obviously, LA was so much more different than Minnesota. LA is a big, vibrant city that offers a lot more opportunities if only you have the guts to try and take it while Minnesota...let's just say that there's nothing for me back there...except maybe hockey, one of my passions but not one that I'm most passionate about. My passion was in the medical field. I settled down in my new dorm and my first week in LA was basically an orientation week. I can't wait for the classes to start. When classes finally started, I was all pumped up, my study mode was on! For the next two weeks, I had so much fun learning about the human body and its functions. However, things would change, for better or for worst I don't know, when I was in my fourth week in LA. Never in a million years have I thought that I will be...how should I put it...discovered? Yeah, I think that's the term for it. I never thought that I would be discovered, while working at my part time job at the local Starbucks, which I got thanks to one of my friends in med school who introduced me to the manager right after orientation week. So, I was making an ice blended drink for a customer when I was approached by a woman who introduced herself as Kelly Wainwright. She gave me a name card with the words Rocque Model Management printed on it along with her name and her title as a talent scout. She told me she had been searching desperately for a model for a sportswear shoot and she thought that I would be perfect for the shoot. I told her I had no modeling experience whatsoever and I can't pose to save my life. But this Kelly woman was determined to get me to do this shoot. She literally begged me to do it because she was assigned by her boss to look for a fresh faced model for the job and she was running out of time. If she couldn't get the job done by that day, she would be jobless by the end of the day. Sometimes, I hate myself for being too kindhearted and having a soft spot for people with problems. I accepted her offer and I was off to my very first photo shoot.

I thought that I would hate my very first experience of my very first photo shoot but that was not the case. In fact, I find it kinda weird that I actually enjoyed it although there was a bit of a hiccup in the beginning. That came out from the mouth of someone who had absolutely zero modeling experience, no sense or style of fashion let alone any interest in it and definitely shy and awkward. Oh yes, one more thing: I panic easily under pressure! As soon as we were in the studio, I was rushed to the wardrobe stylist for fitting. I tried on several jerseys of different colors, shapes and sizes until they found one that was a little too big for me. The stylist asked me to put it on and when I was done, she held up all the loose ends with a clip. I looked in the mirror and the jersey went from baggy to perfect fit. So, that was when I learned that the clothes that you usually see the models wear in magazines and catalogs are not really what they seem. After I changed out of my Starbucks uniform to the sportswear for the shoot, I was immediately rushed to hair and makeup. That was the first time I met Carlos, a friendly and funny hairstylist cum makeup artist. The whole time he was fixing my hair and doing my makeup for me (I only had some compact powder on), that guy just won't stop joking. I was laughing my heads off by the time I was done. And then, it was time to let the photographer take my pictures. For the first few frames, I had no idea what I was doing. I was all over the place. I tried smiling but I know it was an awkward smile. The photographer didn't like it and asked me not to smile. I didn't know how to pose and within minutes, the photographer lost his temper and asked for a more experienced model. Like I said, I panic easily under pressure. I felt like crying and running away from the set because I don't know what to do. Luckily, Carlos and Kelly stepped in to clear up the mess. Kelly calmed the photographer down and told him that it will be his loss if he stopped taking the pictures because the one standing right in front of him is a future star. Now, that's very flattering but I find it a bit too farfetched. To me, the thought of me being famous has gotta be one of the biggest jokes ever. I was awkward and shy and I have a crooked smile. So try making a star out of that! I was on the verge of tears and Carlos, easily one of the sweetest person I ever know in LA, tried to soothe me by giving me a hug and rubbing my back.

'Just relax, honey boo. Everything's gonna be fine, okay? Just do what comes naturally to you.' Carlos said.

'But...I can't...I don't know...how to do this...' I started sobbing and I felt pathetic.

Kelly came over to me, smiling at me and said: 'Okay, Logan. Just relax and do what he tells you. I'll make sure he gets the pictures even if it takes the whole day, alright?'

I stopped my pathetic sobbing and nodded. Kelly patted me on the arm and once I was ready, the photographer started shooting away at his camera again. I listened to his instructions carefully and tried to follow whatever he tells me to do. This time around, the shoot went a little more smoothly and before I knew it, the photo shoot was done. I managed to breathe a sigh of relief. I felt proud that I did it although it wasn't something I intended to do at all.

'That's very good, Logan! In fact, you remind me of Kendall in this picture.' Kelly said as we were looking at the pictures on the computer monitor. She pointed to one picture where my body was tilted to the left, my left arm dangling and my right knee bended.

'Who's Kendall?' I asked.

'Oh my God! Don't tell me you have never heard of _THE_ Kendall?' Carlos chipped in.

'No, seriously I've never heard of him.' I said.

'Well, Kendall is one of our top male models in the agency. He's been doing this for quite some time and believe me when I say he book all the jobs on his go-sees.' Kelly said, scrolling down to look at more pictures.

'Go..what?' I asked.

'Go-sees. Basically, it's when a model goes to see a client with his or her portfolio, comp cards, that sort of thing and then the client will decide whether they want to use them for a campaign, collection, shoots, shows, you know that sort of thing.' Kelly said, her eyes still glued to the monitor.

I stood there, taking this all in but I had not the slightest idea what Kelly was talking about.

Carlos chuckled. 'Kelly, I think you're making things complicated for our poor Logan here.'

Kelly turned her attention to me, smacked her forehead lightly, laughed a little and said. 'Sorry, Logan. You must be thinking that I'm speaking in some alien language. But, you know what? I think you have the potential to be a model, I really do.'

'What? Me? A model? You must be kidding!' I said.

Kelly placed a hand on my shoulder and said: 'Logan, I'm not kidding. All you need is a little bit of polishing and you'll be fine. Have you ever thought of being a model?'

'No, of course not. I just wanna be a doctor. That's what I'm here for.' I said.

'That's a very noble dream you have there but do think about it. The door is opened for you now and this may be a once in a lifetime opportunity.' Kelly smiled.

'Yeah, boo! You could be in the league of Kendall, James, Camille, Heather, Jo...basically the top models in no time, with my help of course!' Carlos winked. Gosh! That guy was seriously funny.

I chuckled at what Carlos had to say. But deep down in my heart, I know that modeling is not for me even though a tiny part of me wanted to experience what it is all about. Now that I've experienced it, I thought it was enough.

'I sincerely thank you for the opportunity, Kelly. I may consider it. Thanks again. I gotta go now. Bye guys.' I said.

'I hope to hear from you. See you around.' Kelly said.

'You better be back boo! I'm dying to fix your hair for ya! You have one of the easiest hair to manage. Don't even get me started on the others!' Carlos joked. Damn, that guy could make me piss my pants laughing any time.

'Bye.' I said and walked out of the studio.

I thought that I will say goodbye to modeling forever but it wasn't until two weeks later that I saw my modeling pictures in a magazine when I was at work. For the rest of the week, I had people coming up to me and asked if I was the one in the pictures. Even though I felt uncomfortable with the attention that I was getting, I felt a certain kind of excitement within me. This was all so new to me. I have never been and never liked being the center of attention. But a one time experience could change all that. Some time later that week, I received a call from Kelly telling me that someone by the name of Gustavo wanted to see me. I met him and he introduced himself as the regional director of the Los Angeles division of Rocque Model Management. He told me that he wanted to sign me as a model and offered to build my portfolio. Initially, I declined, using my med school commitments as an excuse. But then, _he _came at the right time and made me change my mind.

'Gustavo, I was wondering if you're visiting the Talladega shoot today?'

I turned my head to look who's speaking and it was this tall, handsome young man with dirty blonde hair, green eyes and sharp features. I swear my heart stopped beating for a second there.

'Don't think so, Kendall. They're not that big, anyway.' Gustavo said. Geez, that sure sounded arrogant. And did he just say Kendall? As in _THE_ Kendall?

Kendall shrugged and looked at me. I nearly lost my breath.

'Kendall, please meet Logan. Logan, this is Kendall, our alpha male model here in Rocque. And possibly the most in demand male model today.' Gustavo introduced us. Oh my God! So, he is _THE_ Kendall! 'And we're in the middle of getting Logan to sign with Rocque.'

'Hey, Logan.' Kendall smiled at me and extended his hands.

'H-Hi...' I smiled back weakly and shook his hands.

'Rare find, Gustavo. I hope to work with you someday. See you guys.' Kendall said and left the room promptly.

What did he meant by rare find? I wonder.

'So, as I was saying...' Gustavo started but I wasn't even listening. I think I just fell for Kendall and I want to get close to him. There's only one thing to do if I wanna get close to him.

'I'll sign it. I accept your offer, Gustavo.' I swear my words just came out of my mouth like that, without being processed in my head first.

'I'm very happy to hear that, Logan. Welcome to Rocque Models!' Gustavo was all smiles when he said that.

So, that was how I ended up on Rocque Model Management's doorstep and became a Rocque model.

* * *

'Hey, Logan, ready to practice?' Kendall asked.

We were in our shared bedroom. Kendall just stepped out from the shower. He was wearing a plain white tee and pair of blue boxers with his towel slung around his neck. God, he looks so fucking sexy!

It was already 10:30 at night but I have a commercial shoot tomorrow at 8 in the morning. The reason we only got to practice now at this hour was due to Kendall rushing off to a fitting session right after the condom photo shoot. While waiting for him, I practiced the lines by myself with the mirror. There were only three lines so memorizing them was a piece of cake. What was tricky, though, was the expression required for those lines. Say it with one different expression and the whole thing gets interpreted differently.

'Yes, I think so. Have you memorized your lines?' I asked.

I was sitting on my bed and Kendall walked over and sat down beside me. I gasped. The contact was very close I could feel him breathing on me.

'Screw the lines. What we need is the chemistry.' Kendall whispered into my ear.

The next thing that happened took me by surprise. I was not ready for this AT ALL!

* * *

**A/N: Hey peeps! Thanks for the positive feedback for the first chapter! I appreciate everyone's reviews! Thank you and I love you all! :D**

**What do you think about this chapter? Is it too long winded? Too short? Too confusing? LOL! Do R&R and let me know! :)**


	3. I bet that cherry tastes sweet

If it wasn't for chasing after my real dream of becoming a doctor, I wouldn't be in LA. If it wasn't for helping out a poor soul who could lose her job, I would never have been a model. If it wasn't for Kendall Knight coming into Gustavo's office at the right moment, there was no way I would sign a management deal with Rocque Model Management. If it wasn't for Kendall Knight again, I would still be in my single bed dorm, reading medical textbooks instead of practicing expressions and poses.

I am still very much interested in being a doctor. While people like Gustavo, Kelly and Carlos told me that I have a great shot at being a model, I still cannot see myself as one. But oh well, I guess I will have to do this for a while since I have contractual obligations with Rocque. That's what I get for saying yes to Gustavo at the spur of the moment without even thinking about the consequences. Then again, I regret nothing since it brought me closer to _THE _Kendall. Besides, modeling is not a full time job. I still go to med school although it's hard to catch up at times due to my modeling commitments. For example, this million dollar deal that was offered to Rocque did not require me to go in full time. I only had to be there at the specified times.

And somehow, Kendall decided that this was the specified time for him to make his move on me.

'Screw the lines. What we need is the chemistry.'

Those words, whispered into my ears in the sexiest way possible, by the sexiest man alive! It sent chills down my spine. The fact that our bodies were so close to each other made my heart pound and my palms sweaty. What could Kendall possibly do to me?

Kendall placed one hand on my chest, caressing it. His lips went to my neck where he kissed it gently a few times before licking and gently sucking on it. I was sent into a state of ecstasy as he did that. I was not prepared for Kendall's 'assault' at all but screw it, I enjoyed what he was doing to me.

Kendall stopped for a while, removing the towel from his neck and flinging it somewhere. Our eyes made sudden contact with each other. Those sexy, smoldering hot green eyes made me tingle. I blushed and looked away.

'Don't be scared. Lie down.' Kendall said in a gentle but rather commanding tone. I did as he told me.

Kendall slowly moved his right hand from my navel up to my neck as he kiss, lick and suck on my neck. My breathing became short and sharp. When he moved near my throat, I moaned involuntarily. My down below was getting hard and the head was leaking, wetting my boxer.

'K-Kendall...'

'Relax, Logie...' Kendall cooed, stroking my cheeks with his long, slender fingers.

Kendall looked at me, a hint of smile in his green eyes. He closed in on me and kiss me on the lips without warning. By now, I had a full erection. His tongue was hungrily asking for access into my mouth. How could I say no to him? But at the same time, I don't wanna give it to him that easily. I teased him, allowing and withdrawing access several times before giving him full entry. Our tongues were fighting. I let him win, of course. He slipped his hands into my shirt and gave my right nipple a little squeeze. I moaned in pleasure. I took this opportunity to touch his strong biceps, his chest and his washboard abs. I couldn't believe it! All of this felt like a dream. But not anymore; this was a dream come true!

'You like that?' Kendall asked once we pull out of the kiss.

'Yeah...' I said, panting.

'I hope you are just as good for tomorrow's commercial shoot. Good night.' Kendall pecked me on the cheek and went to turn off the lights then off to bed.

I was a little disappointed. I didn't want the kiss to end. At the same time, I was confused as well. Did Kendall really do that to build our chemistry? Or was he just playing with me? I'm not afraid to get hurt but I will be if I was hurt by him. I may be left emotionally scarred forever because Kendall was someone special to me. My thoughts went all over the place and I began to panic. I gotta stop panicking. I might as well go to bed since I have an early start tomorrow.

* * *

The alarm went off at 6:30. I snoozed the alarm and went to the common bathroom in the guys' floor to get ready. One thing I hate about this models apartment is the shared bathroom. There are only two bathrooms in the entire apartment, one for the girls and one for the guys. I guess the girls have no problem sharing the bathroom because I think girls are used to stuff like that. But having to share one bathroom with like five other male models is not cool at all for me, especially with James or Jett. They don't give a shit about who's in there with them and they will just continue doing their own thing, spending really long time in front of the mirror or taking baths. Two words for them: too much!

When I entered the bathroom, Kendall was there fixing his hair. I was a little surprised because I thought he was still in bed. Well, who could blame me? I just woke up so it's perfectly normal that I feel a little groggy.

'Kendall? I thought you're still in bed.' I said.

'No, I got in here fifteen minutes earlier than you, Logan.' Kendall chuckled.

'Oh.'

'Aren't you excited for the shoot later? I mean I've done lots of commercial before but I don't know, this one feels a lot more special for some reason, not gonna lie. All the best to us!' Kendall gave me a little squeeze on the shoulder and left the bathroom.

A lot more special than the previous commercials he had done, huh? I wonder what's the reason behind it.

* * *

Unlike the photo shoot, the six of us only had one day to complete the commercial shoot. The schedule for the day was divided into three slots: morning, afternoon and evening. Kendall and I were scheduled to shoot in the morning slot so we had to be on the set the earliest. Jett and Beau will take over the afternoon slot while James and Dak will occupy the evening slot. That was the reason why I got to spend a little more time in the bathroom since none of the four was supposed to come on set until their specified slot.

We arrived on set at 7:30. Gustavo and the rest of the crew were already there. Both representatives of the client will be visiting the set today but they won't be here until 8. The director and the cameraman were checking the equipments, the wardrobe stylists were going through some clothes on the rack and the hair and makeup artists were busy setting up their workstation. It's going to be a long and busy day, that's for sure.

'Let's not waste time! Kendall, off to wardrobe. Logan, hair and makeup. NOW!' Gustavo barked his orders. That's Gustavo on a stressful day with a big client.

I went to the hair and makeup station. Carlos was there to greet me in his usual cheerful manner.

'Yo boo! What up?' Carlos and I hugged briefly.

'Busy, busy day.' I said, taking my seat.

'Tell me about it! At least you can go home once you're done! I gotta be here the whole day till the shoot finish. The worst thing that could happen? Doing James' hair!'

'What's wrong with James' hair? It's easy to work with, right?'

'The hair is easy to work with but the owner of the hair? Uh-uh!' I saw Carlos wagging a finger through the reflection of the mirror. I couldn't help but laugh.

'Well, how so?'

'He's a spoilsport! Whenever I finish doing his hair, he will somehow come up with a better idea of how his hair can look like and ends up styling it, not according to the plan! And who gets shit on? I do!'

'I hate having to share the bathroom with him. It's either he spends way too long in the shower or he doesn't allow anyone beside him when he's in front of the mirror. He's a narcissist beyond redemption.'

'Well said! I think I'll bring a pair of shears to work next time so that I can leave a big hole in his hair. Then, he will have some styling to do.'

I can't stop laughing after Carlos said that. Carlos always do a good job making people laugh. Ever since I started modeling, Carlos and I clicked right away. I daresay he's my best friend here in LA and he's like a brother to me. We can talk about anything and everything. The best thing about Carlos? He keeps a secret, secret. That's why I did not think twice when complaining about James to him. Or telling him any of my secrets for that matter. But still, I wasn't ready to come out to him yet. I'm planning to tell him someday, though.

'So, your scene is...let's see...got off a party. Okay, we'll put some light eyeshadow, very, very light and some eyeliner but not too dark. And we're gonna make your cheeks a little redder today. The hair...hmm...spiked up as usual. Let's get started!' Carlos said.

'Okay!'

I spent about ten minutes with the hair and makeup before going over to wardrobe to try some clothes on. Since we're doing a commercial shoot, the clothes has to be perfect fit. In the end, I was dressed in a white V neck paired with a black leather jacket, a pair of skinny jeans and hi top sneakers. I stole a look at Kendall when he was doing his hair and makeup. He was dressed in a red checkered shirt, black pants and casual brogues.

The narrative of the commercial goes like this: two men met each other at a party and they are attracted to each other. They both wants to have sex but one of them insists on the usage of condom. The guy who insist on using the condom will take it out and the other guy will smile and agree. Kendall will be the guy who makes the first move while I'll be playing the guy who insist on using the condom. So, I will be the one handling the condom today.

Both of us have three lines each. Kendall will begin with 'I bet that cherry tastes sweet' to which I will reply 'You're not very original, are you?'. Kendall will then ask 'Mind if I play with you tonight?' and I will say 'Very much, if you don't play safe.' At this point, I will have to take out the condom from my pocket. Kendall will smile and say 'Press to Play' which is the name of the line of condoms we're promoting. I will end the commercial with 'For whenever you feel Salaciously Sleazy.'

The director and cameraman wanted to test the camera so they asked us to take a test take before the actual shoot. After that, the representatives arrived and it was time for the actual shoot.

Shit! I thought I had it under control, but my nerves are starting to get to me. I started to get a little panicky. Come on! Not now! Once I start panicking, it takes a long time for me to recover. I'm gonna be in so much trouble! I had no idea what made me so nervous to be honest.

'Are we ready?' Gustavo barked.

'Yes!' Kendall shouted back.

_NO! KENDALL, I'M NOT READY!_

'Good! Camera's rolling...action!' The director instructed us to start.

'Take one.' Kendall said.

I stood there, spaced out. But Kendall was already walking to me, smirking, fully ready in his commercial mode.

'I bet that cherry tastes sweet.' Kendall smirked.

My mind went blank. I could only stare at Kendall. He caught on that I was lost. He tried to help me by doing weird things with his face, twitching his eyebrows and winking at me.

'Yes, it does.' I said.

What the fuck did I just say? I had it all memorized in my head! But now, the three lines seem to have disappeared completely from my brain! I wrecked through my brain to search for it but I can't seem to find it.

'Cut! Kendall, that was good but tone down the facial expression! Logan, you got the line wrong! Let's start from the top again. Kendall, back to the original position. Camera's rolling...action!' The director said.

'Take two.' Kendall said. He walked up to me, wearing that same smirk he had on his face earlier. I was still searching for the right words to say. 'I bet that cherry tastes sweet.'

Damn it! I haven't got my lines down yet!

'Uh...oh my god' Oh no, I didn't just say that out loud!

'Cut! Logan! What are you doing?' The director was literally yelling at me. I felt so much pressure I'm about to break down.

'S-Sorry...' I said.

'Let's give it one more try. Logan, if you still can't remember the lines, we'll have to use cue cards.' The woman representative said.

Oh no! No way am I using cue cards! That's the most embarrassing thing ever! Come on, I can do this! If I can remember the medical terms which are way more complicated, I can remember the three simple lines! My panic attack is starting again and I feel tears welling up in my eyes.

'Can we take five, please?' Kendall asked.

'Everyone can go get some coffee and donuts and be back in say, fifteen. Alright?' The man representative said.

Gosh! I'm such a disappointing mess! The director and Gustavo were talking about something and Gustavo was shaking his head. I bet they were talking about how bad my performance was. I sniffed and a tear trickled down my cheek. Suddenly, I felt a thumb stroking my cheek. I looked up to see Kendall. Goddamn it! I don't wanna see Kendall now! Not in this condition!

'Aww...Logan, don't cry. Come here.' Kendall pulled me into an embrace.

I was so frustrated I don't know what to do anymore. All I could do was sob into his chest. I felt so pathetic.

* * *

**A/N: ****How's everyone liking this chapter and the story so far? I hope you enjoy reading it! By the way, I have a request. My creativity well is running dry and I need some suggestions on how to carry on with this story. So, do R&R and suggest what should I write for the future chapters. Thank you in advance to those who make the suggestions, if any! LOL! Love and peace! :)**


	4. You go on a go-see with them, of course!

'Shh...Logan, stop. Logan, look at me. Logan...' Kendall placed his hands on my shoulders as he pulled out of the embrace.

I looked into Kendall's shiny greens, still sobbing. Gosh! This had got to be the most embarrassing moment of my life ever! Crying in front of my crush! I wish I was an ostrich right now so that I can bury my head to hide my embarrassment.**  
**

'I can't...I can't do..this...I feel so...so...shitty right now...I'm a good for nothing...I shouldn't even be here!' I said in between sobbing.

I hated how pathetic and pitiful I sounded and saying all that to Kendall made me feel like my world just collapsed. Kendall was telling me something but it was inaudible to me. I hear voices, voices that I loathed, voices that I don't wanna hear again. Negative thoughts swarmed in my head. I found it hard to breathe and started hyperventilating. Usually, this happens when I'm under a tremendous amount of stress. My panic attack got out of hand. I've never experienced an attack like this for years. I subconsciously traveled back to that place, that time, _that memory_. No...get away from me...I don't want this memory...go away!

'Get away from me...get away from me...AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!' I screamed and went on my knees, my tears flowing freely. 'Go away...please...go...' I whimpered helplessly.

'Shit! Logan! Logan! Oh my God, what's wrong?' Kendall knelt in front of me, cupping my face with his hands.

I threw my arms around Kendall's neck. I had no idea why I did that but for that moment, I wanted someone to hold on to. Just about anyone. Even though my eyes were closed, I know that we were surrounded by people because I could hear a commotion around us. I heard the voices of Carlos, Gustavo, the director, the client but I didn't want to acknowledge them. All I wanted to do was hold on to Kendall and I don't want him to let go.

'We'll get it done, I promise. Give us a moment, please.' I heard Kendall said. A few minutes later, the commotion died down. 'It's okay, Logan, I'm here with you.' Kendall said as he stroked the back of my hair.

'Don't let go, please...' I begged.

'I'm not going anywhere, promise.' Kendall cooed.

I felt so safe in Kendall's arms. In fact, I've never felt so safe before. I started to calm down although I was still sobbing. When I felt a little better, I removed my arms from Kendall's neck. I looked down as Kendall placed his hands on my arms and rubbed them.

'Sorry...' I whispered.

'You feeling better?' Kendall asked, full of concern in his voice.

I nodded.

'What happened, Logan?'

I sniffed and looked away. I felt like crying again. I don't wanna talk about this now.

'Okay, okay, we won't talk about it if you don't want to, alright?' Kendall gave me a hug and rubbed my back gently.

'Let's...get...' I tried saying but my sniffing and sobbing prevented me from talking properly.

'What?' Kendall asked in a gentle tone, still enveloping me in a hug.

I took a deep breath and tried again. 'Let's get this...done...'

Kendall looked at me with concern, his hands locked onto my waist. 'You sure you're ready for it?'

I feel much relieved now that I can breathe normally. All of a sudden, the three lines that I'm supposed to deliver for the commercial magically appeared in my mind.

'You're not very original, are you? Very much, if you don't play safe. For whenever you feel Salaciously Sleazy.' I recited the three lines out loud, totally forgetting that Kendall was there for a second.

Kendall chuckled. When I heard him chuckle, I realized what I've done. I hung my head low, blushing furiously.

'Okay then, let's get this done then we can go. Come on.' Kendall smiled and we both got up from the floor.

Before we can start filming, however, I had to touch up my makeup since I messed the whole thing up with my tears.

'Logan! Boo, you scared me! What the hell happened?' Carlos gave me a bear hug as soon as I reached the makeup table.

'Carlos, you're suffocating me!' I said.

'Oh, sorry.' Carlos let go of me. 'But seriously dude, what happened to you? I've never seen a model flip out like that before in my entire career!'

The way he put it was kinda funny so I giggled. Carlos' concerned expression turned into a frown.

'Logan, this is not funny! I was worried sick about you!' Carlos punched my stomach lightly.

'Don't worry about it, okay, Carlitos? I'm perfectly alright.' I said, my face plastered with the fakest smile possible.

'Logan Mitchell, you know better than to give me that bullshit!' Carlos crossed his arms together.

I thought about it for a while. Carlos was right. There was no way I could hide this thing from him. But it was not the right time to tell him. I sighed.

'Look, um...this is not the right time but...I'll tell you when the right time comes.'

'Promise?'

'Promise.'

'Pinky promise me, then.' Carlos held out his pinky finger.

'What? Really?'

'Yes! Pinky promise me!'

'Fine!' I rolled my eyes and crossed my pinky finger with his.

'Don't even think about breaking that pinky promise, boo! If you ever break it, you'll be the new face for my cosmetic line, Baboon's Ass by Carlos Garcia!'

'Carlos! Stop!' Damn! Carlos, why do you have to be so damn funny? I was literally laughing my socks off.

'Okay, okay! But right now, I really need you to sit your ass down while I fix you!'

I went back to the set after Carlos touched up my makeup. We finished shooting our commercial with three takes. I was told that the way I deliver the lines on the first take was too robotic while on my second take, I was told to be more flirty with Kendall. When we finished our third take, both the representatives applauded with the rest of the crew following suit, including a rather reluctant Gustavo.

'That's a wrap for Kendall and Logan! Good job everyone!' The director said.

'You did it!' Kendall had a huge grin on his face. He lifted me up and swung me around, which was a little unexpected.

'Everyone can take a break until the next pair shows up! Kendall, Logan, you're done for the day!' Gustavo said.

Kendall and I left the set and headed back to the models apartment. All I wanted to do was get some sleep. I was physically, mentally and emotionally drained. I tried to shake off my panic attack experience this morning and of course that memory from long ago. How is that even possible? I thought I've gotten over it. Now that it's back to haunt me, does it mean that I never really got over it?

'Logan.' Kendall snapped me back to reality. 'Why are you still standing here?' He just came out from the bathroom after relieving himself. I must have been lost in my thoughts.

Kendall turned the doorknob of our bedroom door and we entered the room. I went over to my bed and sat down.

'Logie, are you okay?' Kendall sat down beside me, his hand snaked around my waist. My heart nearly pounded out of my chest.

'Um...I'm a little tired. I want to get some sleep.' I said.

'Okay. You get some rest, alright?' Kendall stroked my cheeks with the back of his other free hand and kissed me on the forehead. I never expected all of this form of affection from him.

Kendall got up and was prepared to leave the room. I don't want him to leave. No, I wanted him by my side.

'Kendall!' I called out to him.

Kendall turned back to me. 'What is it?'

'Can you...stay with me?' I looked into his green eyes. I could melt just by looking at those sexy eyes of his.

'Sure.' Kendall smiled.

We got into my bed and Kendall offered to let me lie on his chest. Kendall cuddled me closely. It made me feel so warm and safe. My eyes began to droop as I drifted into a deep slumber.

* * *

The next day, I received a call from Gustavo asking me to see him in his office. Gustavo never call his models personally. I heard from Camille, one of the girls staying in the models apartment and also a Rocque model, that if Gustavo ever calls any of his models personally, they are almost always never seen or heard of again in Rocque. I had a feeling that Gustavo called me to address my little fiasco on the set of yesterday's commercial shoot then proceed to drop me.

I knocked on Gustavo's door.

'Come in!' Gustavo's voice boomed from the other side.

'Hi, Gustavo.' I said as I step into his office.

'Yes, Logan. Please sit down.'

I pulled out a chair and sat down. I was prepared for him to yell, scream or even curse at me. But even if I had to leave, I want to leave in a good way. I need to explain myself and thank him for the time and effort he put into pseudo-building me as a model.

'Gustavo, I'm very sorry for what happened yesterday and I understand that what I did was very unprofessional. I completely understand if you want to drop me from - '

'What? What are you talking about? Why would I want to drop you when you're one of my most bankable models?' Gustavo cut me off before I could go further.

Wait, what? Did I hear that correctly?

'Sorry, I don't think I catch your drift.' I said.

'Logan, the clients were very impressed with your performance yesterday. Yes, you had that meltdown but it was that very meltdown that made you and Kendall's commercial so much more believable!'

'What? That wasn't recorded down, is it?'

'No, what I mean to say is that once you let go of what's inside you, you were able to focus on getting into character for the commercial. The clients reviewed the clips this morning and they say that they like you and Kendall's segment the best. And because of that, they want to feature you in their website.'

'Stop pulling my legs, Gustavo!'

'I'm not! I'm more than serious about this! They will have you shoot a public service announcement video clip and you'll also be doing an individual photo shoot for the website.'

I was stunned by what Gustavo have to say. Gustavo was not dropping me. Instead, he's telling me that the client like my performance and I get to be featured on their website! Well, I didn't know that a panic attack could bring me to new heights in my modeling career.

'That's not all, Logan. Here, take this.' Gustavo handed me a black file. I opened it and it contained the test shots that I have done. 'This is your portfolio with your test shots. And here's your comp card.' He handed me a 4x6 photograph with four of my pictures and some of my information on it.

'Uh...so what do I do with these?' I asked, holding up the portfolio and comp card.

'You go on a go-see with them, of course! Logan, you're up-and-coming so you need some exposure. Once that Salaciously Sleazy campaign launches, people will know who you are and be able to recognize you. But until then, if we just sit around and wait for that to happen, you'll be missing out on a lot of other opportunities. You see this list I have here? These are potential clients. Now, get your portfolio and comp card and go meet these clients.' Gustavo handed me the slip of paper.

'Now as in now?'

'Yes! As in now! Get moving!'

I know better than to argue with Gustavo. 'Okay! See you.'

I went out of Gustavo's office and out of the agency. I studied the list. Can my day get any weirder than this?

* * *

**A/N: Hi everyone! Thank you for your suggestions and I appreciate every single one of them! What do you think about this chapter? How's the story so far? I feel like this chapter sucked but do tell me what you think about it! :D **

**by the way, thank you to Sandy, thearbiter35 and guest reviewer for your suggestions. You may not see your suggestions in this chapter but I have plans to incorporate them into future chapters so stay tuned ;) **

**And as a little thank you for the suggestion, I'll feature you in the story along with your suggestion. How do you like that? Haha...**

**p/s: all suggestions were awesome but here's a special shoutout to Sandy for the wacky, creative suggestion! :)**


	5. You are going to Paris!

'Can you walk for us?' The casting director asked.

'Sure.' I replied.

Ever since I started modeling, I've never been to a single go-see before. I had to call Kelly to ask her what to do since calling Gustavo was not an option, he would probably yell at me if I did. Carlos being a makeup artist and hairstylist probably wouldn't know much about go-sees. I thought about asking Kendall but dropped the thought immediately when I think back to the embarrassing and awkward moment we shared the day before. First, I made a fool out of myself by having that elevated panic attack then I asked him to stay with me shamelessly. I contemplated about distancing myself from him. I don't want him to think of me as some kind of freak. So, in the end I called Kelly and she supplied me with the knowledge and information that I need on a go-see.

Currently, I'm on my seventh go-see. The list that Gustavo handed to me contained fifteen different clients that I should meet. The clients were diverse in range and the kind of jobs offered differ from one client to another. The first one I went to was Jefferson, a uber trendy, chic and up-and-coming menswear fashion house. The designer introduced himself as TJ and he told me that the upcoming fashion week in Paris will feature his Autumn/Winter collection. I was asked to try on a few items from that collection and to walk for him. After that, I was off to Smashbox Studios to meet with a photographer known as Trey to get my Polaroid taken. My third go-see was at MNG Productions where I did a screen test for Bruno Mars' latest music video. It was then that it hit me that a model's job is more than just posing in front of the camera to get their pictures taken. They can do so much more besides that! The next client I met was Biotherm where I took several test shots for their men skincare products. I had an audition for a Hugo Boss fragrance commercial for my fifth go-see. I think I sucked at that since I'm such a nervous wreck and the memory of the previous day's commercial shoot still haunts me. Thank God I didn't freak out, though. The sixth client I met with was Men's Health magazine. This one was a little awkward for me because the men who appeared on the cover and inside the magazine were at least one head taller than me and they had muscles, like lots of them while here I am, obviously shorter and I had nothing to show off.

The current client I'm meeting is Calvin Klein. I was asked to try on a variety of items from their collection, from fashionable tops to their waist-hugging underwear. I'm walking for them now in their underwear only. ONLY! And there are like four people looking at me while I'm walking. Of course, I feel self-conscious walking around clad in a pair of briefs only. And although I was semi-naked during the condom photo shoot with Kendall, I wasn't as self-conscious then as I did now since I don't have to move around a lot during that photo shoot. But now, it's like I'm walking around butt naked and everyone can see me, all of me and I felt so exposed, so vulnerable.

'Okay...walk for me one more time, this time with your shoulders a little bit more relaxed.' The casting director instructed. I tried to do as he say but I know the way I walked was just as bad as the first time. 'Thank you. You can change out of them now.'

'Thank you!' I smiled as I walked briskly to the fitting room to get out of the underwear and get back into my own clothes. After that, I went out of the fitting room to meet with the people from Calvin Klein again.

'It was nice meeting you, Logan. We'll let you know.' The casting director smiled and extended his hand to me.

'Nice meeting you too. Thank you.' I returned the smile and shook his hand.

I breathed a sigh of relief when I stepped out of Calvin Klein. Sure, it was nice trying out their stuff but having to walk for them in intimates was no easy task for me. I guess I won't last a day in this business if I was that uncomfortable with some of the things they ask me to do. But for the sake of the contract I signed with Gustavo and also for Kendall, I have to get used to it. I took out the list that Gustavo gave me and scanned for the eighth client I had to meet. Before I could hail a cab to go to the next designer, however, my phone rang. I fished it out of my pocket to look who's calling. It was Kelly.

'Hi, Kelly.' I said as I answered the call.

'Hey, Logan. Where are you now?' Kelly asked.

'I just finished meeting Calvin Klein.'

'Okay. Come back to the agency now.'

'Now? But I still have a few others to go to.'

'It's quite alright. Just get back here now. Gustavo's order and you know what that means.'

'Yes. Okay, see you then.'

I managed to hail a cab after two unsuccessful attempts. I told the driver to drop me at Rocque and we drove off in that direction. Once I stepped into the agency, Kelly whisked me away into Gustavo's office. He was going over some photos of Jo, the top female model under Rocque.

'Logan! There you are! See this picture of Jo? She managed to book Sports Illustrated, La Perla and Victoria's Secret with this picture alone!' Gustavo said, holding up a photo of Jo in her bathing suit. 'And she's going to Paris for fashion week! Isn't that amazing?'

'Uh...yes, very.' I said, a little confused with Gustavo showing me Jo's photo and feeding me the latest information about her.

'I can't wait to go to Paris! Don't you, Kelly?' Gustavo asked, looking at Kelly with excitement in his eyes.

'Gustavo, I think that's not the reason why Logan was called back here.' Kelly reasoned logically.

'Ah, yes. Sorry about that, I was a little carried away but it's a huge achievement for us and I can't contain this excitement! Before that, how many go-sees did you make it to, Logan?' Gustavo asked.

'Seven. I got the call from Kelly right after the seventh one.' I replied.

'Who may that be?'

'Calvin Klein.'

'I'm hoping and praying you book that! Anyway, I've got word back from the clients. Biotherm thought that your look is very suitable for their market and they are booking you for a print ad. The photographer, Trey, thought you lean more towards the commercial side but he managed to draw out some couture in you. Bruno Mars and the director for his music video went through your screen test and they thought you have what they want for his music video so you got that job as well. Hugo Boss...they said they will call back which is good. Men's Health remarked that your body type is not what they are looking for although you have the face. And finally we have...Jefferson! I'm saving the best for the last because guess what? You booked Jefferson, the Autumn/Winter collection, and you are going to Paris! Like Jo! Now all that's left is Calvin Klein...they should be calling any minute now...' Gustavo's office phone rang as soon as he said that. He picked up the phone and had a few short exchanges with the person on the other side.

'Calvin Klein is requesting to put you on hold for fashion week and print! Logan Mitchell, you are truly the best addition to Rocque Models! We're leaving to Paris five hours from now! So you better be prepared!' Gustavo exclaimed.

What? We're going to Paris in five hours' time? No, I can't leave now! I have an important exam tomorrow! I can't just leave like that!

'Oh my God! I can't believe this! I've never seen a new Rocque model bagging up so much success ever since we signed Dak over a year ago! Logan, that's amazing!' Kelly clapped my shoulders excitedly.

'Wait, did you say five hours' time from now? But I can't leave, Gustavo! I have an important test coming up tomorrow!' I said.

'Forget about the test, Logan! You're coming along whether you like it or not! The client booked you so you have to be there.' Gustavo said.

'Is there no way out of this?'

'No, not unless you wanna pay a fine for not turning up, do you?'

'What? There's a fine involved?'

'Well, what do you think? You got booked, you don't turn up, the client wasted their time and money so of course they want it back! And let me remind you, the fine is the model's own liability!'

'Gustavo's right, Logan. You don't wanna make the wrong decision, do you?' Kelly said. That was not helping much! I'm about to have one of my panic attack soon!

Before I can say anything, someone knocked on the door. Gustavo invited the person knocking to come into the office. The office door opened and...Kendall came in! And that girl with him...that's Jo! Kendall threw me a smile when he saw me. I gulped.

'Jo! Kendall! There you are! We're leaving to Paris in five hours' time!' Gustavo said in a high-pitched voice.

'Oh yes! So I booked La Perla?' Jo asked, her face full of excitement.

'Not only La Perla! But Victoria's Secret and Versace as well! You have a bit of traveling to do though. Once your time in Paris is up, you will head straight to Hong Kong for the Victoria's Secret show. It's their first time in Asia so do us proud!' Gustavo said.

'Oh my God! I'm so excited!' Jo was literally jumping.

'And Kendall, as always you book every single go-see so you will be walking a lot in fashion week in addition to the various shoots already lined up for you.'

'What? Kendall is going for fashion week as well?' I blurted out before I could stop myself.

God! That was only supposed to be a thought! Kendall must think that I'm a freak now. He looked at me and chuckled. I felt so stupid. I flushed crimson.

'Why, of course! The most in demand male model right now! He must be there! What about you, Logan? Don't disappoint me now!' Gustavo said.

Great! Just great! I felt like this was all a set up from the beginning! Gustavo sent me off to the go-sees without even telling me that I'm meeting with clients who will be showcasing their designs in Paris! I wonder is that the reason why he slot in a whole lot of other clients who had no connection to fashion week into the list just so he could fool me into doing this? This whole thing got me feeling paranoid!

'Wow! Logan got booked for fashion week, too? That's very good for a newcomer!' Kendall said.

'Are you kidding me, Kendall? That's like totally amazing!' Jo chipped in.

'Yes, you hear what Jo say, Logan? AMAZING! AMAZING! What are you waiting for?' Gustavo exclaimed.

Ugh! Fuck it! I guess I will have to go to Paris after all! I don't wanna end up paying God-knows how much to the client and potentially breaching my contract with Gustavo. I'm not ready to get myself into debts that I may not be able to pay!

'Fine! I'll go.' I finally give in.

'GREAT! Now, all of you go back -' Gustavo was interrupted by another knock on the door. 'Come in!'

The door opened and James walked in.

'Wow! Everybody's here already?' James said.

'JAMES! How can I forget about you? Yes, you booked six shows for fashion week and one of your photo shoot is scheduled to take place in Paris as well, somewhere during the week.' Gustavo said.

'Cool! So, we leaving or what?' James asked.

'Of course! Go back to the house and pack! NOW!' Gustavo boomed.

Kelly, Jo, Kendall, James and I scurried out of Gustavo's office in the blink of an eye.

'Good luck to all of you! See you at the airport!' Kelly said.

We went back to the models apartment and packed for Paris. Everything is happening too fast for me! One minute, I was doing a photo shoot and commercial shoot for condoms, the next thing I know, I went on go-sees and got booked for fashion week! This is insane! I didn't really know what to pack into my suitcase since it was my first time to fashion week so Kendall helped me out. Before I know it, I was on my first international flight to the romantic city of Paris.

* * *

'This will be your home here in Paris. Study your schedule so that you don't walk on the wrong runway!' Gustavo said and he handed me, Kendall, James and Jo our schedules.

I studied my schedule. I was confirmed for one show for Jefferson and put under KIV for Calvin Klein.

'Okay, everyone! See you guys on the runway! Break a leg!' Kelly said.

We thanked them and we walked into our apartment in Paris. It was a little smaller than the one in LA but it has that homey feel to it. We were sharing the apartment with other models from other agencies and other countries. Like the models apartment in LA, the guys and girls were separated and there was only one bathroom on each floor. Jo was sharing a room with two other models, one is an Indian, the other a Russian. James shared a room with a Danish male model. Kendall and I were able to be roommates again in Paris. A certain designer canceled two male models for his show so they had to vacate the place. Came at the perfect time for me and Kendall but sucks to be them. However, the room that we shared only had one queen sized bed.

'I hope you don't mind sharing a bed with me.' Kendall chuckled.

I blushed when he said that. I looked out of the window to distract myself.

Suddenly, I felt someone embracing me from behind. It startled me.

'Beautiful view, isn't it?' Kendall rested his head on my shoulder and said those words in my ears.

I like the way he was holding me but I'm rather confused myself. It feels nice to have your crush doing things with you that you can only imagine or dream of. It's happening to me now. But this is too good to be true. While we were on our way here, I was seated beside James, who told me a lot of things about Kendall. I don't know how true they are and I'm not even sure if I wanna know because I may not be able to handle the truth. But I decided to confront Kendall. I turned around to face him.

'Kendall, why are you doing this to me?' I asked.

'What did I do?' Kendall was surprised.

'You're...touching me...' I looked down to my feet. I don't know how else to put this.

'Okay, I'm letting go.' Kendall asked, dropping his hands from my waist.

'No, it's not that...I...I don't know how to say this but James told me a lot about you and I'm confused.' I said.

'What did he say?'

'He told me you're a player. You slept with countless girls before and Jo was one of them. And this is the part that confuses me; if you sleep with girls, then why did you...why did...you...kiss me?'

'And you believe everything that James say about me?'

'I don't know. That's why I'm asking you.'

'Well, let me tell you something about James. He's a gossip monger. This is not the first time he say such things about me nor will it be the last. James' tongue is venomous! This time, it's me. The next one he talks about may be you or it may be Jo or anybody else. You can't really believe what that guy says!'

'What about Sandy?'

'What? Who's Sandy?'

'He says that Sandy is your private booty call for every Paris fashion week you're in.'

'What? Sandy? Who in the - oh! Sandy!' Kendall laughed. I became even more confused. 'Logan, Sandy is not my booty call! Heck! I'll be damned if I ever hit on her! Sandy is my cousin here in Paris! Yes, I do meet up with Sandy whenever I'm here in Paris but we just go for meals or coffee or shopping! Sandy my booty call? That's wrong! It's incest! I should be on the electric chair if I ever do that!'

'Oh...okay...' I managed. I realized how ridiculous the whole thing sounded and I started laughing as well.

'So, you see how dangerous talking to James is?' Kendall said in between laughs.

'Yeah, it really is dangerous, huh? Okay, Sandy's not booty call but...what about you sleeping around? With lots of girls and Jo?'

'I swear to God I'll rip his tongue off with my own hands! I don't sleep around with girls, no! And Jo is only a good friend! A very, very good friend! We have worked together numerous times for magazine shoots and stuff but we keep it at that! Jo and I share more of a professional than a personal relationship.' Kendall clarified.

'So maybe not with Jo but what about other girls? I mean, you're...you're a hot stuff!' I blushed as I said 'hot stuff'.

'Oh God! No, I told you! Big N,O. NO!'

'Okay, okay!' I mustered up all my courage to ask him the next question. 'Then...why are you...affectionate towards me? You pecked me on the cheek, we cuddled and you stayed with me even though you didn't have to...and...and we...kissed.'

Kendall went silent. The whole room was silent. Deathly silence. Kendall opened his mouth to speak but closed them again.

'It's because...you want to build the chemistry between us for the commercial shoot, right? That's all you wanted, is that it? It's just a job to you...' I started.

Before I can continue further, Kendall smashed his lips on mine. He placed one hand on the back of my head while another was placed around my waist. I was caught off guard. But I could not deny that I like what Kendall was doing to me. His tongue was asking for entrance into my mouth. I allowed it and our tongues met. We were literally French kissing in France! But this is not how it's supposed to be. I pushed Kendall away and I was pulled out of the kiss. Both of us were panting for air. After a while, Kendall spoke.

'How does it feel? Does it feel like I'm only doing it for the sake of the commercial?'

* * *

**A/N: What do you think? Is Kendall just doing it for the sake of the commercial? I'm still accepting suggestions so please suggest where this story should go next! :D I'm experiencing writer's block halfway through writing this, so this chapter sucks a little. But do tell me what you think, R&R and suggest if you can :)**

**p/s: For one of you who suggested last chapter, I kept my promise and you've been featured! :D**


	6. His eyes on the road, remember?

Today is day three of Paris Fashion Week. It is also Jefferson's debut on the runway. Due to some technical problem, the Jefferson slot was moved up from afternoon to morning and I only got the notice like 6 in the morning. Surprisingly, or should I say not so surprisingly, Kendall was also booked for the Jefferson show. Well, he's _THE _Kendall after all, alpha male model so Jefferson would be stupid enough not to book him for the show. Another not so surprising fact is Kendall will be opening the show. Since we were both booked for the same show, we left the models apartment together and headed to the fashion show venue together. The perk about being a Rocque model is that we don't have to worry about transportation problems anywhere. And I mean just about anywhere in the world! Once we got the callback to ready to leave, a car pulled up in front of the models apartment, the driver informing us that he is taking us to the fashion show.

I didn't expect anything to happen during the car ride to the fashion show but after the driver drove for a few minutes, Kendall slipped his hands into my mine, crossing our fingers together. I was slightly taken aback. His green gems flashed me that drop dead gorgeous smile.

'Kendall, we talked about this...' I tried to take Kendall's hand off mine but he wouldn't let me.

'Babe..' Kendall started.

'Kendall, please. There's someone with us!' I whispered the last line.

Kendall chuckled. Oh God! I melted, I swear!

'Why do you worry so much, Logie bear? He has to keep his eyes on the road in case you forget about that.' Kendall whispered back. I sense the playfulness in that tone of his.

'No, I don't feel - WHOA!'

I yelped as the driver suddenly stepped on the brake, bringing the car to a sudden halt. He rolled down the window and shouted something in French. Apparently, a woman decided to cross the road without checking for oncoming cars. The driver nearly knocked her down.

'I'm so sorry about zat but zees woman needz to learn to look out for traffic!' The driver said with a rather thick French accent.

'Hey, that's cool man! As long as you didn't knock anyone down and we can still make it there on time.' Kendall chuckled.

'Yez, yez, of courze. If Guztavo iz unhappy, itz buh-bye for me, ya know? Don't wanna take the rizk of pizzing Guztavo off so that I can keep my azz on this zeat!' For someone with a thick French accent, this guy had a pretty decent command of English! Kendall and I burst out laughing at what he gotta say.

When we started to move again, I realized that I was actually holding onto Kendall. I must have subconsciously done so when the car came to a sudden halt. I felt a little awkward and wanted to pull away. But Kendall wouldn't allow that. Instead, he wrapped his arms around me. I felt really uncomfortable at this point. My face grew hot. I guess I'm as red as a tomato now.

'Kendall!' I frowned and whispered loudly.

'His eyes on the road, remember?' Kendall teased.

Gosh! He's such a tease! But I know it's no point arguing back. It's not like I hated to be in his embrace anyway. I gave in to Kendall.

'Fine. But not too obvious, okay?' I said.

'Anything you say, piggy boo.' Kendall said with a cheeky smile.

'What was that?' I was kinda annoyed with the various names he has given me and now he has a new one for me.

'A new name for Logie bear, maybe?' Kendall still has that cheeky smile on his face. Damn! I couldn't stay mad at him for long, seriously.

I rolled my eyes and teased him by threatening to pull out of his embrace.

'Hey, where do you think you're going?' Kendall pulled me back.

I punched his chest lightly and he chuckled. He held me in his arms and I rested my head on his shoulders for the short time we spent in the car on the way to the fashion show.

* * *

'How does it feel? Does it feel like I'm only doing it for the sake of the commercial?'

I didn't know how to answer that question even though I'm pretty sure I know what the answer is. I can only stare into Kendall's seductive green eyes. In fact, we were both looking at each other in the eye, not saying a word to each other. We just stood there, not making a move, a sound. It wasn't until I made the move of attempting to leave the room that the silence was broken.

'Logan, don't deny it! I know you have feelings for me too!' Kendall said when I reached the room door.

I stay rooted to the ground. I can't take another step when I hear those words coming out from Kendall's mouth. Yes, he was right. I have feelings for him. But somehow, I felt wrong. I felt that it was not right for me to be with someone like him. I shouldn't even have a crush on him in the first place. After all, who am I? I'm just a nobody from Minnesota who went to LA hoping to be a doctor but ended up being a model by accident. Kendall and I are from two totally different worlds. He is the famous alpha male model Kendall Knight while I'm...well, I do carry the noun 'model' with me, but in the verb sense of the word, I'm no model. I still prefer to call myself a med student. I'm not famous nor am I rich. I bet with the various endorsement deals, shoots, campaigns and whatnot that Kendall booked, he's super duper rich. He deserves someone better, someone that is his equal in status. Furthermore, if we ever get together, I don't think he will have the patience to deal with me and my secret. A dark secret that no one knows about except me and my parents. I turned around to face him.

'What do you mean you know that I have feelings for you too, Kendall? Are you trying to say that you like me?' I challenged.

'Yes. I like you a lot, Logan. No, like is nothing. I'm...I'm falling for you, Logan! Can't you tell?' Kendall said.

I snorted. 'Kendall, that's the biggest joke I've ever heard in my life! You, Kendall Knight, falling for me, a nobody? Stop playing with me, Kendall!'

'I'm not playing with you!' Kendall marched across the room and stood in front of me. I leaned back against the door. His eyes turned all serious and I was a little intimidated by his slightly raised voice. 'Logan, please believe me! I...I really have feelings for you, I really do. There's not a day that goes by without me thinking about you. I really wanna be with you.'

'No, Kendall, this is...this is wrong. We can't be together.' I looked to my feet.

'Why not?'

'I'm not the one for you, Kendall. I'm nobody. You deserve someone better than me.'

'Stop saying that you're a nobody! You're not a nobody, Logan! You're everything I've always been looking for, everything that I've ever needed!'

'Kendall, stop!' I didn't mean to yell but I did. I felt bad but I had to do it. 'Okay...I admit it. I did have a crush on you when I first met you. When we started spending time together, I realized that it wasn't just a simple crush that I had on you. I had actual feelings for you! But we're not compatible with each other! We're from two totally different worlds, for Christ's sake!'

'Logan, can you please stop giving yourself excuses?'

'I'm not giving myself excuses! I'm being rational! You won't ever wanna fucking be with me once you find out about my past! I'm a handful and you will only find me fucking difficult!' My words didn't even get processed in my brain and I just spit it out.

What was I thinking? No, wait. I didn't even think before I said that! We stood there in silence for a moment. I can feel tears welling up in my eyes as that painful memory came flooding back to my mind, flashing images of that incident that I don't ever wanna recall again. I didn't want to look bad, especially not in front of Kendall.

'Look, this is all a bad idea, so just leave it at that, okay? I'll...I'll see you.' I broke the silence.

I attempted to turn the doorknob and leave but Kendall was one step ahead of me. He prevented me from doing so by grabbing my wrist. I tried to yank it off but Kendall had a vice grip on my wrist.

'It's something to do with your breakdown the other day, is it?'

My lips went dry, my eyes opened wide, my heart was working at an extra rapid rate. I find it hard to breathe. The memory became even more vivid now. I started to hyperventilate.

'S-St-Stop...' I grabbed hold of my chest, my forehead started to break into cold sweat.

'Logan? Are you alright?' Kendall asked, concerned.

'S-St-Stop it...stop...'

'Logan?'

'N-N-No...N-nooo...'

'Logan? Look at me, Logan!'

'N-no...no! NOOOOOOOO!' I sunk to the floor, crying and covering my ears trying to block out the voices that haunt me. But they kept on coming as if there was no end to them. 'GO AWAY! GO! STOP!'

'Logan? Logan!' Kendall tried to reach out to me but I stubbornly refused.

'Hey, everything's fine, I'm here, Logan, I'm here. Don't worry, I'm here with you. You're safe with me.' I felt a pair of hand rubbing my back and another one stroking the back of my hair. Obviously, that was Kendall. His voice seemed to have magically pierced through every other voices in my head. I removed my hands from my ears and threw it around his body. I was crying non stop on his shoulders.

'It's okay, Logan. Let it out...' Kendall cooed, pulling me into a tighter embrace and stroking my hair.

'Don't...leave me...please...don't...' I struggled through my words since I totally lost control of my tear ducts.

'No, I'm not leaving. I promise I won't leave, okay?'

'Promise?'

'Yes, I promise.'

I stayed in Kendall's arms for a while. I continued to sob while he continued to console and soothe me. This was the second time I broke down in front of Kendall and also the second time he's comforting me and holding me for the same reason. When Kendall said that I was all he was looking for and all he ever needed, I wanted to believe that. I wanted so badly to believe that. But my logic reasoning and my past experience wouldn't allow me to. When my mind got a little calmer, I lifted my head up from Kendall's shoulders. Kendall was still holding on to me.

'Sorry...again...' I whispered because I couldn't really talk.

'No, don't say sorry, Logan. It's okay, everything's fine, okay?' Kendall wiped away a stray tear that rolled down my cheek.

'Um...I didn't expect you to...be here with me so you can leave...'

'No, I'm not going anywhere, Logan. I've promised you I won't. I will be with you no matter what, whether you like it or not.' Kendall placed his forehead against mine. His voice was firm.

'No, Kendall, you...you can't...I told you, it's not right for us...'

Before I can say another word, Kendall smacked his lips on mine. He licked my lower lip, asking for entrance. I don't know if I should allow him access but if this was the very last time I get to kiss Kendall Knight, I will give him my everything. I opened up, allowing his tongue to dominate mine.

'Is that reason enough for us to be together now?' Kendall asked after we stopped kissing.

'It's just a kiss, Kendall...'

'No, it's not just a kiss. Believe me, please, Logan. I'm serious about you, I care about you, I really do. Look, I don't care what happened before in your past but we'll face it together, we'll fight this battle together, okay?'

'Kendall...' I look into Kendall's piercing green eyes for a while before hanging my head low.

'What's wrong?' Kendall asked, stroking my cheeks.

'Nobody's ever care that way before.' I said, my head still hanging low.

Kendall tilted my chin up with a finger to face him.

'Well, somebody do now!' Kendall smiled.

All of this felt so surreal to me. I couldn't believe that Kendall actually have feelings for me and cared about me.

'This...this isn't real...is it?' I asked timidly.

Kendall moved in on me and bit down my lower lip. It was a rather hard bite too and it hurt!

'Ah!' I let out a yelp. 'Ow! Kendall, what was that for?'

'So, is this real now?' Kendall chuckled.

I frowned at Kendall. I was a little annoyed and I wanted to leave his embrace but he clamped my body to his even tighter.

'Hey, hey, hey...where do you think you're going, pretty boy?' Kendall said with a mischievous smile on his face.

'Kendall, seriously now, you...you don't regret this?' I asked.

'No, never ever in a million years.' Kendall gave me his sincerest and most reassuring smile.

I couldn't help but return him the smile. This is the best thing that have ever happened in my life! And for it to take place in Paris, the most romantic city on Earth just doubles the joy of it. I could care less about what my past was or what my future will be. All that mattered is the moment shared with Kendall now. I wrapped my arms around his body, taking in his sweet scent. All this while, Kendall didn't let go of me. Instead, he just held me tighter to him.

'Logan, you know something?' Kendall asked in between our embrace.

'What?'

'I know that Gustavo will never visit the Talladega shoot. I made an excuse for myself to enter his room so that I can look at you. You captured my attention ever since the first day I saw you.'

'What? How? You were there all along?' I lifted my head from his shoulder to look at him. I was certainly most surprised to hear this.

'Yes, I was.'

'Oh...'

'Problem?' Kendall chuckled.

At that moment, all I wanted to do was kiss him. I kissed him softly on the lips. He returned the kiss and this time, I can truly feel it. This kiss we shared was full of passion. This kiss was not one-sided.

'I love you, Kendall.' I said in between kisses.

'I love you too, Logan.'

* * *

Carlos and his hair and makeup crew were flown in to Paris for fashion week on the same day as us but I only got to see him today since I didn't have any shows the last two days. We gave each other a bear hug when we see each other. It was only when I see him that I realize that I actually miss him.

'Well, well, well! Look who's here? The guy who said he can't do his first photo shoot in LA is now in Paris for fashion week!' Carlos teased.

'Ah! Shut up, Carlos!' I punched him lightly on his arm.

Carlos chuckled. 'Okay, from what I gather, it's your very first runway show so we don't want to ruin your chances with the client or any other important people out there for that matter! So, we're gonna doll you up nicely for this show!'

'Thanks, Carlitos!'

'Anything for you, boo!'

'Listen up, everyone! We have to work fast! The show is starting soon! Where's Kendall?' The director for the fashion show, Andy, shouted across the busy backstage.

'Here!' Kendall raised his hands and shouted.

'Okay, wardrobe, hair, makeup, give him the priority! He's opening the show! We're a little short on manpower today so models are expected to do their own hair and makeup when needed! Is that clear?' The director asked.

The backstage erupted into a unison 'yes'. Everyone then got to work. But I started to feel pressured, a little panicky to say the least since I don't know how to do my own hair and makeup. I'm spoiled by Carlos in other words. I looked to Carlos helplessly, not sure if I can handle all this by myself.

'Don't worry, boo! I won't leave you hanging! I'll do yours first. Come!' Carlos said.

'Thanks, Carlitos! You saved my ass!'

'It's a rather bouncy ass too!' Carlos smacked my ass when he said that.

'CARLOS!'

'Andy told us to hurry, so we better!' Carlos dragged me to the makeup station.

Well, although Carlos is playful sometimes, but when it comes to work, he always gives his best. No models walk out the runway or go on the set of a photo shoot looking like trash when they are in Carlos' hands.

The theme of the Jefferson show was gothic punk so I had to do my hair and makeup that way. I was assigned to have four changes of clothes but I may have more depending on the situation at the backstage. If the model that was supposed to go first experience a wardrobe malfunction or any other hoo-hah, some other models who are ready will have to stand in for them. So, that's to say I will have to be ready no matter what. As usual, Carlos was joking and fooling around when he was fixing my hair and doing my makeup. When I was done, I went over to wardrobe for fitting.

'Hi everyone! Are we ready for the show?' I heard the cheerful voice of TJ, the designer for Jefferson when I was trying on a black casual button down shirt with ruffles around the neck. I'm not quite sure what to think of the shirt but I have to say it's pretty damn creative!

The backstage once erupted into a unison 'yes' and TJ went on to talk about his expectation and offered some encouragement to the models. He then came over to talk to Kendall, who was in wardrobe with me trying on his opening outfit.

'Kendall! Glad you can open the show for me!' TJ said.

'Nah! I'm honored you chose me to open the show, TJ.' Kendall said.

'Well, it's my debut and I need someone strong enough to start the show, you know, get the crowd excited! An alpha male model is just what I needed! Thank God we found you, Kendall!'

Kendall chuckled. 'Anyway, thanks for giving me this opportunity, TJ.'

'You deserved it! And where is...oh there you are, Logan!' TJ came over to me.

'Hi, TJ.' I said, now trying on the skin tight black jeans with torn designs.

'Okay, Logan, your height is not very ideal for the runway but you're exactly what I had in mind for the brand. So I got wardrobe to get you this pair of boots. Where's Logan's boots?' TJ shouted.

'Here!' The wardrobe stylist brought out a pair of black boots with thick heel base.

'Yes here it is. Logan, this is a six inch high boots. It's going to accentuate your height greatly for the show and it goes well with the outfits you're going to wear! You're going to set a new trend here, Logan!' TJ gave me a toothy grin.

I gasped when he said that the boots is six inch high! I'm not sure I can walk in them. It will be embarrassing for me to trip and fall when walking with that on the runway.

'Oh..uh...thanks, TJ! I'll do you proud!' That was the only thing I can think of to say.

'I'm sure you will! While you're at it, let me go check on the others. Have fun!'

I put on the pair of boots, feeling slightly insecure when I stood up. Kendall came over to me. I'm now about the same height as him thanks to the heels.

'Wow, babe! You're as tall as me!' Kendall teased.

'Kendall, I'm not sure if I can walk in these!'

'Let's practice.'

Kendall guided me by the hand when I was walking with the heel. It was a little awkward with so many people around us but they were busy doing their own things so it wasn't that bad. The initial fear of tripping and falling on my head is now gone and I can now walk with the boots on! I subconsciously gave Kendall a hug but when I realized there may be people looking at us, I quickly pulled out of the hug. Kendall chuckled and I blushed.

'Um...you should go get ready, you're opening.' I said.

'Why, yes. See you later. Break a leg, muffin!' He gave me a quick peck on the cheek. And did he just give me a new name again?

Well, I ain't got time for that! Because the show is starting and it's going to be crazy!

* * *

The fashion show was pure chaos! Models catwalk in a calm and elegant manner on the runway but once they go backstage, they have to run like mad to get changed for their next outfit. Wardrobe stylists work at a godlike speed to help the models with their change of clothes while the hairstylists and makeup artists are busy helping the models put on or touch up their makeup or hairdo.

When Kendall walked out to open the show, I know that this is it! Do or die, there's no way I can run away from this now. When it was my turn to go, I was nervous as hell! I had no problem walking in the boots now but what bothers me is that I will be walking in front of so many people and photographers will be pointing their cameras at me and shoot away.

'Break a leg, boo! You'll do fine!' Carlos tried to calm the butterflies in my stomach before I go out.

I only managed to smile back at him.

'Logan, go!' Andy ordered.

I thought I was going to fail badly when I walk out but surprisingly when the audience started clapping their hands, it gave me the confidence that I needed to walk. I had such a supportive audience so letting them down is not an option. I'm gonna give my best for this. I gave them my fiercest walk as I heard more cheering, more whistling from them. The background music by Green Day helped me bring out the edge needed for the punk rock theme. When I reached the end of the runway, I struck three poses for all the cameras before walking back to the backstage.

Once I reached the backstage, I went directly to wardrobe to put on my second change of outfit. I had a bit of a problem since I have to take off the boots before I change out of anything and it took up quite some time. Unfortunately, when I was putting on the next pair of jeans which was a little too tight, the back of the jeans was torn. The wardrobe stylist and I gasped at what just happened. We rushed to TJ to tell him about this. I have heard about how designers can get very pissed when models damage their design and they will send the model away immediately. I was prepared for him to yell at me for being so careless with his jeans. Surprisingly, TJ wasted no time to think up of solutions to cover up the hole in the jeans.

'Here, take this trench coat. It will go well with the jeans and the boots.' Kendall's voice came out of nowhere.

I looked around for him and he was standing next to me, handing me the trench coat he wore for the show's opening. The trench coat was rather long and it reaches my calf if I put it on together with the boots, making it a perfect cover up for the damage done to the jeans.

'Yes! That's perfect! Kendall, you're a genius! But Logan, you're a genius too! If you didn't damage the jeans, the thought of pairing this trench coat with this jeans, the shirt and the boots would have never crossed my mind!'

I'm not sure if TJ was being sarcastic or being genuine with his words. But I don't wanna risk offending the designer.

'But this trench coat is reserved for the model who opens the show, it's the highlight of your collection. I'm not sure about this.' I said.

'Well if you ask me, it's not a highlight until you pair it with this shirt you have on, this jeans and the boots. Trust me, I've been doing this for years I know what looks good on the runway.' The wardrobe stylist said.

'Dina's right, Logan. But you're not going out now. I want you to close the show.' TJ said.

'What? You want me to close the show?' I was shocked by what he asked me to do.

'Yes, I want you to close the show.'

I was in shock. I didn't know what to say or how to react at that moment. This is all so surreal.

'So, you're not going out until you get the cue, understand? Meanwhile, some other people will have to fill in your spot and that includes you, Kendall.' TJ said.

'Yes, of course.' Kendall replied.

'Okay, let's get to work. Logan, you can go get touch up on your hair and makeup and wait for your cue while we get busy! Move, move, move!' TJ ordered.

'Wow! First runway show and you get to close the show! I'm so proud of you, babe!' Kendall smiled.

'This was not what I bargained for at all!' I said.

'But it happened for you! Break a leg on the runway but don't break your leg literally!' Kendall gave me a hug.

'Well, thank you for saving my butt, literally!' I said.

'My pleasure, Logie bear.' Kendall whispered into my ear, squeezing my right butt cheek.

Damn! As if nobody's around, Kendall Knight!

* * *

**A/N: Hi peeps! How's everyone doing so far? Hope everyone's happy and healthy! :) I didn't have plans to update this but I got inspired today while I was watching Australia's Next Top Model (LOL) and I spent four hours today to get this done! I hope you guys enjoy this rather long chapter and do tell me what you think about it! Also, you can suggest what you want to happen in the next chapter and I'll try to incorporate them into the story. Till then, see you guys! Love you and R&R! :D  
**


	7. Have you ever thought about the future?

**A/N: Hey everyone! I'm sorry for my little meltdown earlier on. It's just that things got a little messy around here and my negative thought mode was activated so...yeah! Anyway, I just wanna thank everyone for your love and support! It's not fair for me to quit halfway so I'm back on track now. Hopefully long enough to let me finish this in a good way! Enjoy! :)**

* * *

'I'm so proud of you, boo! You fucking killed the show with that outfit and don't even get me started on that boots! You're setting a new trend!' Carlos said as he helped me to remove the makeup I had on my face.

Thinking back, walking out the runway a second time to close the show was amazing to say the least. I was very self conscious when I walked the second time because I was still a newbie in this business. Personally, I don't think that I deserve to close the show but TJ had been a very supportive and encouraging designer, asking me to close the show for him. All eyes were on me and I heard applause and jumbled up praises from the audience in each and every corner of the venue as soon as I appear on the runway. There was no time for a panic attack or anything of that sort. There was only one thing to do - kill the catwalk! Which I think I did. The energy from the crowd was so magnetic I can't help but feed off from it. After my turn, all the models came out to the runway one last time showcasing Jefferson's Autumn/Winter collection together with TJ. What surprised me the most was TJ standing beside and extending an arm around my shoulder, smiling to the numerous cameras flashing at us. I wonder what that meant.

'Thanks, Carlitos. But honestly, I was nervous as hell! Closing the show was not something I bargained for at all.' I said.

'Well, bargained for or not, you just became TJ's muse!' Carlos said, working on my hair with styling wax.

'TJ's muse? What do you mean?'

'I heard he stood beside you after the show, right?'

'Yeah.'

'When a designer stands beside a model, he or she likes that particular model a lot and most of the times, they would like to employ the same model again for their campaigns or shows and even make them their muse! Usually, the models will sign a deal with them for a number of years to represent the brand.'

'Oh okay. I see. I was wondering about that, though.'

'And once you become a muse, I tell you, you make bank! Or banks like Tyra Banks! Heck! Maybe even more bankable than Tyra!'

'Carlitos, you're exaggerating!'

'I cannot be more serious in my entire life when I tell you this! Okay, you're done! Now go celebrate!' Carlos finished spiking up my hair.

'Thank you so much!'

'Anything for you, honey boo!'

I left the makeup station and went to wardrobe to change to a more comfortable outfit. Kendall was there, too. He removed the shirt he wore on the runway and was about to change into a red round neck tee by Jefferson when he saw me. He smiled. I looked at his semi naked body and I blushed. He came over to me and gave me a hug.

'Babe, that was wonderful! I have a strong feeling TJ is making you his muse!' Kendall said while hugging me.

'Um, thanks...' I hugged back awkwardly.

Kendall's hands started caressing my back. I felt really uncomfortable in that position, like there was a thousand pair of eyes staring at us. I pulled out of the embrace as soon as I can.

'Hey, what's wrong?' Kendall asked, his emerald eyes giving me what Tyra Banks will call a smize. (I learned that from Carlos who happened to be a big fan of America's Next Top Model and taught me the word smize means to smile with one's eye)

'People, around us!' I whispered loud enough for Kendall to hear.

Kendall leaned forward and peck me on the cheek. I blushed furiously.

'KENDALL!' I frowned and hissed at him.

Kendall then wrapped his arms around my waist, drawing me into a rather tight embrace. I struggled to free myself but as usual, Kendall was always stronger than me. Somehow, the more I struggle, the tighter the embrace became.

'You look so cute when you're angry.' Kendall said with a cheeky smile on his face.

I groaned and pouted my lips, looking at him straight in the eye. He chuckled. This is so not funny, Kendall Knight!

'This is not funny!' I said.

'Aww, my baby is mad! I'm sowie...' Kendall pouted his lips as well. Damn it! I can never stay mad at him for long! Kendall's too cute for that!

I punched his chest lightly. Kendall chuckled and let go of me.

'Hurry, we want to get the best drink for the after party!' Kendall said, putting on the red tee.

I went over to the rack of clothes and picked out the black shirt with frills I wore earlier on the runway. I really like the design, it was so unique! I matched it with a pair of cream chinos and put on replaced the six inch boots with a more comfortable pair of boat shoes. After I was done, Kendall and I left the backstage and joined the other models and industry people at the after party.

* * *

The after party of a runway show was probably one of the most important event that a model can attend. Whether they walked for the show or not, attending one, even showing up uninvited, may present interesting opportunities for the models.

'Logan! Kendall!' A familiar voice called out our names. I turned to face the voice and it was Gustavo! Kelly was with him.

'Logan! I'm impressed! You closed the show!' Gustavo exclaimed.

'You were amazing on the runway, Logan! Two thumbs up!' Kelly smiled and put two thumbs up.

'Thanks, I guess?' I said.

'Can you believe it? Both opening and closing models are from Rocque! We're going to be big!' Gustavo shouted.

Normally, my eardrums would have burst by now but thanks to the crowd at the after party, the intensity of his voice had been cut down significantly.

'Logan! I was looking for you!' It was TJ.

'Hey, TJ.' I said. 'This is Gustavo, my agent.'

'Ah yes! Gustavo my man! You have no idea how long I've been looking for someone like Logan and your agency came at the right time! I was so glad I asked to see your models.' TJ said enthusiastically.

'I'm glad that my models opened and closed the show for you, too!' Gustavo responded with the same enthusiasm.

'I have an even better deal for you, both of you, Logan and Gustavo! I think it should come as no surprise to you, Logan, that you're my muse now and because of that, you're representing my brand! Of course, I understand how the trade works and this time could not have been any more perfect with you around, Gustavo! Your permission and Logan's willingness equals the Jefferson brand!' TJ said.

What TJ said was kinda surprising for me. So, what Carlos and Kendall said was true. TJ sees me as his muse. And now he wants me to represent the brand?

'Are you kidding me, TJ? How can I turn down such a great offer? Logan, what do you say?' Gustavo said.

My lips went dry. I can't find my voice. I didn't know what to say. How should I respond to this? Everything around me was happening at a rapid pace. The modeling industry is lightning fast!

'Go for it, Logan. You'll be great!' Kendall nudged me.

'Yes, think about it, Logan. This is a great offer!' Kelly chipped in.

'Uh...' What should I say? Yes? No? 'TJ, I don't know about this, really. This is all too...sudden.'

'Sudden? I don't think so! I think that this was meant to be! Logan, I really hope you can agree to my offer.' TJ said with a sincere smile on his face.

Yet again, I let the soft spot I had for people take control of me. Whatever happens after this, should I ever get into deep shit, I'm the only one to blame.

'Well...yes? I will do my best to represent the Jefferson brand.' I gave TJ an awkward smile.

'That's the spirit of a Rocque model!' Gustavo said.

'This is just awesome! Okay, Gustavo, Logan, I'll see you guys back in LA with the paperwork. Enjoy the party!' TJ said and left us to talk to someone else.

Before my brain can process any of this, a man called out Gustavo's name. Apparently, Kendall knew him too. Kendall greeted him and addressed the man as Jim.

'Gustavo, Kendall was great on the runway! So was this young man! Is he your new model?' The man asked.

'Yes and may I add one of my most valuable finds for quite some time now! Ever since Dak! Remember Dak?' Gustavo asked. The man nodded, sipping on his champagne. 'Logan, this is Jim Nelson, editor-in-chief of GQ magazine. Jim, this is Logan Mitchell, newest addition to Rocque Models.'

Jim and I shook hands as Gustavo introduced us to each other.

'Gustavo, I was wondering if you can arrange for both of them for a cover try for GQ? I also have a story where I can place them in.' Jim said.

'Of course, Jim. But I need more details, you should know.' Gustavo replied.

'Yes, I understand. I'll contact you as soon as I can. See you around.' Jim waved goodbye to us.

'Logan! Kendall! Did you see what just happened?' Gustavo started.

He continued on about how we're booking jobs at the after party and how Rocque Models is going to grow after this but I wasn't listening. All of this was so much to take in. I was overwhelmed, not sure in a good or bad way, though.

* * *

I came out of the shared bathroom after taking a much needed hot water bath. I was ready for bed after a tiring day of not only the fashion show but also going on a few go-sees after the after party. I was sent by Gustavo on those go-sees in Paris to see if I appeal to the European market. I even managed to book one immediately and I had to get to work right away, shooting for a catalog. Meanwhile, Kendall had a busy day filled with two other fashion shows.

When I entered the bedroom I shared with Kendall, Kendall was lying on the bed, looking bored. The way he was lying down with one of his knees bended took my breath away.

'Hey, sexy. Come over here.' Kendall smiled and patted on the empty spot beside him on the queen size bed.

I went over and lay down beside him. He closed the gap between us by positioning himself on top of me and kissing me on the lips.

'Did you miss me?' Kendall asked.

'Yeah...did you?' I thew the question back at him.

'You bet. How I wish you were there with me.' Kendall rested his head on my shoulder. I gave him a quick kiss on the top of his head.

'No, I'm happy I'm not there in those shows with you.' I said.

'What? Why would you say that?' Kendall immediately got up and looked me in the eye, all serious. I can't help but laugh.

'Logie! I'm serious!' Kendall grabbed hold of my hand.

'Kendall, I'm serious too. I was already a nervous wreck during my first runway show. If I go to anymore after that, I may end up in ER.' I said, intertwining my fingers with his.

'That's bull! Jefferson is asking you to represent them! You can't be that bad!' Kendall laid down on my shoulders again.

'But I was all nerves when I walked out there a second time! I was so scared I will do something wrong! But yeah, I'm really surprised TJ came up with that idea.'

'That's a huge achievement. You're lucky you got your first major contract during your first show. It took me six months to get the clients to notice me.'

'Look who's lying now.'

'I'm not lying, Logie! I'm serious. Did you know that I started as a catalog model?'

'No, you didn't! I don't believe you.' I teased him by pushing his head off my shoulders gently. I looked away from him, laughing on the inside.

'I'm telling the truth!' Kendall pounced on me all of a sudden. I was pinned to the bed.

'Liar!' I stuck my tongue out at him.

'Say that again.' Kendall challenged.

'Liar! Liar! Liar!' I called out.

Kendall grabbed hold of my body and started tickling me. He tickled a sensitive spot and I couldn't control my laughter. He was laughing along with me. After he stopped tickling me, we looked into each others' eyes. I can tell from his body language that he wanted to kiss me but I placed a finger on his lips to stop him from advancing.

'Kendall?'

'Hmm?'

'Have you ever...thought about the future?'

'Not really. Why? What do you have planned for your future?'

'I always thought that I will be a doctor. That's always been my dream. But now, I'm doing something that has absolutely nothing to do with my dream. I feel like I'm getting further and further away from it.'

'But as long as your passion is still there, I don't think anything can stop you from achieving your dream.'

'It still amazes me every time someone tells me that I look like a model but I don't think so. I can never picture myself as one. Yet, so many doors opened for me, for something I didn't have in mind for at all. I'm confused as to how my life will be after we leave Paris.'

'Babe...' Kendall sighed and pulled me into an embrace. 'You're thinking too much.'

'Yeah...maybe.'

I lie on Kendall's chest for a while. He was stroking my hair gently the whole time.

'Logan?' Kendall broke the silence.

'What?'

'I just want you to know that, no matter what happen in the future, I'll always be with you. I'll support you no matter what. You have my word.'

I melted when he said that. Nobody has ever said that kind of things to me before. I pulled Kendall down to give him a kiss. The kiss quickly erupted into a passionate make out session. Tonight was probably our most romantic night in Paris yet. It made me realize how much I wanted to be with Kendall. I couldn't stomach the thought of us separated from each other. I was overcame with emotions and a tear escaped from my eye.

* * *

**A/N: How's this chapter? The end kinda sucks, right? Anyway, do R&R and thank you so much once again for your love and support! Love you guys! :)  
**


	8. I can't imagine a world without you

_Where is this place? It's so dark. I can't see a thing. I tried to walk but I can't. I looked down to my feet. I was bound. Suddenly, lights flooded the place I'm at. The light was so strong it almost blinded me. I closed my eyes for a while before opening them to see what is going on around me. Two men wearing masks approached me. Who are they? What are they doing here? Did they bring me here? I have no idea what was going on. I want to open my mouth to ask them but it turns out that my mouth was taped. Strange, I didn't feel that earlier on. _

_'Pretty boy, isn't he? I'll show him what pretty is made of!' One of the masked man said. His voice is familiar. I've heard it somewhere before._

_'But not before me! No touching until I touch him first!' The other masked man said. His voice is familiar, too. Where have I heard their voices before?_

_The two masked man took off their masks. My eyes widened. No wonder their voices are so familiar! It's them! And they are coming for me! I want to run but I can't. My feet is still bound. The first masked man grabbed me by the throat and pinned me to the wall behind me. The second masked man tears off the tape I had on my lips. I can finally talk now! I'm going to call for help!_

_'Help! Help!' I called out pathetically. _

_The two bastards are laughing. _

_'Call for help all you want but you're not getting any! Think about it, there's no need to call for help because by the time we are done with you, you'll be finished!' The first masked man said and ended his sentence with an evil laugh._

_'Stop talking and get it on, will you? I need some action!' The second masked man said._

_I screamed at the top of my lungs when the man tears off the clothes I had on with one hand. For some reason, the person I can think of now is Kendall. I call for him to help me. Kendall magically appears behind the two masked man. I call out to him to help me. But Kendall is not happy. His eyes are burning with green fire. He didn't come and help me. Instead, he storms off and left me with the two bastards. I start to scream louder for him and I start crying while the two bastards continue laughing and hurting me._

'No...no...don't go...Kendall! KENDALL!' I screamed and jolted awake.

I sat up on the bed. I was panting heavily. It was only a dream. No, nightmare! Thank God it was only a nightmare. I buried my face in my hands and I started to sob. I can't remember when was the last time I had this nightmare. I think this confirm the fact that I have not gotten over that incident. I felt so weak and helpless.

'Babe? Logie? What happened?' Kendall removed my hands from my voice. I wish he didn't have to see how ugly I was.

I continued to sob, looking down. Kendall pulled me into an embrace and kissed the top of my head.

'It's okay, babe. It's just a bad dream. I'm here with you, babe. Shh...it's okay...' Kendall said, rubbing my back.

'K-Ken..dall...' I stammered, slowly leveling my head to his.

Kendall wiped my tears away. 'What is it, babe?'

'Don't...don't leave me...please?' I pleaded with him. When I think back to the last part of the nightmare where he left me, it shattered my heart to a million pieces.

'No, I'm not going anywhere, okay?' Kendall cooed.

I threw my arms around his body. I want to feel him. I don't want all this to be taken away from me. My tear ducts started to produce even more tears. I just want to hang on to Kendall forever.

'Kendal...don't go...please don't...' I continued to plead.

Kendall continued to comfort me. Eventually, I became exhausted and I fell asleep.

* * *

The next morning, I woke to find Kendall lying beside me, smiling at me.

'Morning, Logie-bear.' Kendall said, kissing me on the forehead.

Paris Fashion Week had ended. We came back to LA last night and the first thing I did was go to bed. Back in our shared room in LA, we had separate beds so we don't sleep together like how we did in Paris. I tried to find a reason why Kendall ended up sleeping with me in my bed here in LA when I came to a realization of what happened last night. The nightmare! Fuck! I must have looked like an idiot in front of Kendall last night. I blushed at the thought of it.

'Morning, Kendall...' I said, trying to hide my blush but it was no use. 'I'm sorry about last night.' I quickly added.

'Hey, don't worry about it, babe. But seriously, we need to talk about this.' Kendall said, rubbing my cheek with his thumb.

I let out a sigh. Am I ready to tell Kendall? I don't know how he would react to it. I sat up on the bed, weighing my options and thinking about the consequences. First option, I can choose not to tell him, continue running away and we carry on like nothing ever happened. But when the truth eventually comes to light, I probably won't be seeing Kendall anymore. Second option, I tell him half of the truth, not revealing too much. In a way, it will make me feel better but if Kendall finds out about the whole truth later, he may be disappointed and mad at me. I will probably end up like the first option too. Third option, I tell him everything which is the obvious thing to do now. However, I'm afraid to tell him. What if Kendall is the type of guy who seems nice on the outside and gives me all sorts of sweet promises but on the inside he's nothing like that? I also have a fourth option which is to stall but that is of not much use because starting from last night, I'm pretty sure Kendall is curious and he's out to extract the truth out from me.

'Babe? Logan? You okay?' Kendall said, putting an arm around me. 'Okay, that was a stupid question. Of course you're not okay.'

'Kendall...I...' I hesitated. What should I tell him? Which option should I take?

Kendall was silent. He must have been waiting for me to say something. But what? Damn! I hate how I can be so indecisive sometimes!

'Kendall, I'm...I'm not sure how to tell you this and I don't think I'm ready. I'm so sorry...' I finally decided to stall.

'It's okay, baby. Tell me when you're ready, okay?' Kendall closed the gap between us and kissed me on the cheeks. I nodded.

'But, I don't want to see you suffer like this every time. So, the next time you freak out again, I'm not going easy on you. You must and will tell me what happened. And don't even think about escaping because I have my ways when I want information. Do you understand?' Kendall said, his eyes looking all serious and his tone was stern.

'Yes...' I whispered. He sure scared me.

'Chill! I'm not that scary, am I?' Kendall chuckled.

'What if I told you, yes, you are very scary?' I said.

'Then...I will show you what scary is!' Kendall tackled me to the bed started tickling me. He found my sensitive spot again and it activated my laughing mode.

Kendall wasted no time as he stopped tickling me and started kissing me instead. He cupped my face and went for my lips, surprising me at first. But I welcomed it. I want to kiss him as well. I wrapped my arms around his body and we kissed passionately in my bed. He moved down to my neck and sucked gently on it, sending me to a euphoric state.

'Am I scary now?' Kendall teased, in between sucking my neck.

I can only moan in response. Kendall really knows how to turn me on. Kendall stopped kissing my neck and moved back to my lips. God, I just the taste of his sweet, plump lips!

'Kendall..' I called out to him in between kisses.

'Yes, babe?' Kendall responded.

'Do you have any jobs you have to go to today?' I asked.

'No. Why? What about you?'

'Me too. I just thought that...we can stay in bed all day...and...cuddle?' I suggested, blushing slightly at my own suggestion.

Kendall smiled and he laid down beside me and pulled me into his chest. I felt so secure, so protected whenever I'm in his embrace.

'You know something, Logie?' Kendall said.

'What?'

'This is the first time you're being so direct and open with me.'

'Oh...uh...is there a problem with that?'

'No, of course not. I like it, very much.' Kendall said then he moved his head slightly to look at me, his signature smile in place.

I got on top of him and kissed him on the lips. He gladly obliged. I think I'm getting more and more addicted to Kendall.

'Kendall...do you...love me?' I asked shyly.

'Of course I do! I can't imagine a world without you, Logie.' Kendall said.

'Neither can I...' I admitted.

'That makes two of us, then.' Kendall smiled. I returned the smile and rested my head on his chest.

We stayed like that for almost the whole day. Kendall, I pray and hope that I never freak out ever again so that I don't have to tell you what happened to me before. If only I could lie in your arms forever like this.

* * *

**A/N: So what do you guys think about this chapter? Are you curious about what really happened in Logan's past? Do R&R and let me know! Thanks for your love and support. Hugs and kisses from me! :)  
**

**p/s: Please check out my other story, Invading London Big Time, as well if you can. It's the story that I had in mind that I told you guys about earlier on and it's based on the Spice Girls' movie, Spiceworld. For some reason, BTR reminds me of the girls. LOL! Enjoy! :)**


	9. Yes, a little bit Just a tad bit

_Three months later..._

It was World Aids Day and that means one thing: the first major campaign I booked is launching today! Everyone in the model house crowded in front of the television waiting for the Salaciously Sleazy condom commercial to air. According to official insiders information, they will air the commercial in this order: Kink (James and Dak), Play (Kendall and I) and Lite (Jett and Beau).

I can't believe that the year is coming to an end soon. During the last three months, my modeling career soared to new heights. I did fashion week in Paris, shot for Jefferson's campaign, had a six page spread and cover of GQ magazine with thanks to the chance encounter with Jim Nelson during Paris Fashion Week, filmed Bruno Mars' latest music video, got a call back from Calvin Klein where I got to walk for them again and numerous catalog shoots. The media and the world in general tend to over glamorize the world of modeling. Models are represented as rich, famous people who only work when they have to but in reality, that's not the case. Modeling is hard work. Most of the time, models are lucky if they can get at least one catalog job. Rejection is constant and common in this business and I myself have faced countless rejection as well during this three months. As usual, Gustavo would send me on go-sees and while I did book quite a number of jobs, I was also rejected countless times especially when the job was for a runway show due to my height, which was not very ideal for the runway.

Due to my increasingly hectic schedule as a model, I decided to defer my studies. It was a tough decision, of course. Being a doctor had been my dream all my life and now having to defer my studies for something I never really wanted was kinda hard for me but I guess that's life. You never really know what will happen next.

As for my relationship with Kendall, I daresay we're going pretty steady. We've been doing a lot of things together but sex was not one of them. I told Kendall that I was not ready and he was cool with it. We also agree to keep our relationship a secret from the others in the house and from everybody else for now after much pleading on my side. Talking about sex, there are actually two reasons why I was not ready to commit to Kendall in that way. One of it had something to do with my past and the horrible experience I went through. Another also had something to do with my past but it was more like what Kendall will think of me should the ugly head of my past rear its head out. So far, I didn't have a nervous breakdown or anything of that sort so keeping Kendall at bay about my dark secrets was a piece of cake. I know I won't be able to hide this secret for long though and I never really give it a thought as to how to prepare for it when the time comes.

'Jo, remember the Chanel perfume ad we did? This condom thingy reminds me of that!' Camille said. She was sitting on the floor beside Jo.

'Oh, yes. I remember every single detail of it because I've never been so intimate with a girl before.' Jo admitted.

'Really? So, refresh my memory. How did it go again? You have to kiss and touch each other inappropriately during the shoot?' James asked playfully. He was sitting beside me on the couch. I was sandwiched between him and Kendall.

'James, you're a sick fuck, you know that?' Heather said, rolling her eyes.

'Whoa! That's going a little too far, is it?' James chuckled.

'What about you, James? Did you kiss and touch Dak inappropriately during your commercial and photo shoot?' Camille turned the question back to James.

'Well, Dak just love to be touched by me. Don't you, Dak?' James started to fondle Dak's chest. Dak pushed him away.

'Oh no, James. What happens on the set stays on set. Hey, look! There we are!' Dak said, pointing to the TV screen.

All eyes were trained on the screen instantly. James and Dak's commercial played. For the next one minute, nobody said a word. All attention were paid to the commercial that was playing in front of us. After the commercial finished playing, all of us applauded.

'Isn't that great? Tell me, isn't that just amazing? We're the best!' James exclaimed.

'No way! Wait till you see our commercial and we'll know who's the best!' Beau protested.

'Kendall seem to have some quiet confidence going on there. Kendall, how did you and Logan's commercial go?' Jett asked.

'Why don't you see for yourself? Who knows we may be the one who comes out on top in this commercial?' Kendall smirked.

We continued our mindless chatter, sitting through a teen drama waiting for the next commercial to air, our commercial. When the show went on a commercial break, the whole room fell silent again. This time, the screen showed Kendall and I in the party scene. It felt so surreal to see myself on TV. It was a strange feeling seeing yourself on the screen of a black box. It was like there were two Logan Mitchells in the world. I thought I look pretty dorky, unattractive in the commercial but Kendall was super freaking hot! I melted when he came on screen.

As the commercial was playing, I felt a hand touching my lower back. I stole a quick look at James but he had both hands on his lap. I did the same at Kendall and sure enough, one of his hands was missing. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, trying to send out a signal to Kendall to discourage his advances. Kendall put on his poker face, pretending like nothing ever happened. Ugh!

'Oh my word! That kiss at the end was so hot!' Heather said. I was busy fending Kendall off I didn't pay attention to my commercial.

'Yeah! That was so fucking hot, you two! Did you guys like practice or something before you went on set?' Camille asked.

I blushed.

'Logan's lips are so soft, I can kiss them everyday.' Kendall smirked.

'W-what?' I stuttered. I was shocked at what Kendall said. Didn't we have an agreement about this?

'Wow! Is that your way of saying that there is something going on behind closed doors?' Jo suggested. Shit, how is this going to end?

'That's not what I said, Jo.' Kendall chuckled.

'I bet the whole thing will be even hotter if I was paired with Logan instead.' James said in an overconfident tone. James, even though you're hot, you're not my type. And I don't like vain guys so it wouldn't change a thing if I was paired with you instead of Kendall. Come to think of it, maybe the whole thing will be a disaster if we did it together!

'You can't be serious!' Camille said.

'Hell no, vain James! There's no way you can get that chemistry that Kendall and Logan has with each other. I mean, did you see that? It was like they were meant to do this together! They were feeding off on each others' vibe so effortlessly it makes me jealous!' Heather said.

Heather was right. If Kendall and I didn't have any chemistry, the commercial will be a piece of shit. Even though I didn't pay much attention to the finished product of the commercial, I don't think I have the need to. That's because I've already seen it. Not just seen it, I've experienced it. It was all so fresh and clear in my mind. The moment our lips brushed against each other was the moment our body engulfed in the flames of passion and we delivered this commercial.

* * *

Although we've been dating for quite some time now, Kendall and I still sleep in separate beds. This is to avoid the possibility of people walking in on us sleeping in the same bed and then our well kept secret will be forever leaked outside. But tonight, I have the urge to sleep with Kendall.

'Kendall?' I called out.

'Yes, babe?' Kendall said.

'Can I...sleep with you?' I asked timidly.

Kendall chuckled. 'Of course you can, Logie-bear! Come here!'

I went over to Kendall's bed where a small space could be found beside him. I laid down on the small space and he wrapped his arms around me, kissing me on the forehead. I love this feeling so much! Suddenly, I remembered something that Kendall said earlier on. I had to ask him.

'Um..Kendall...can I ask you something?'

'What is it?'

'Didn't we agree to keep our relationship a secret?'

'Yeah, we did. Why? What's wrong?'

'Then...why did you say that you can kiss me everyday?'

'Because that's the truth! I mean it, Logie, I really do! Why? Don't you believe me?'

'No, it's not like that. But...it's just that don't you feel that if you say those kind of things, they will figure out somehow that there's something going on between us?'

'Hmm...I guess it's my fault right? I'm sorry, babe.'

'What? No. Don't apologize, Kenny, don't. It's not your fault.' I immediately sat up on the bed.

'Hey, chill. What's wrong? You okay?' Kendall sat up on the bed as well, his arms never once left me and his voice and his green eyes full of concern.

Was I thinking too much again? I hate how paranoid I can be sometimes. I sighed.

'I'm...thinking too much again, didn't I?' I let out a bitter laugh.

'Yes, a little bit. Just a tad bit.' Kendall chuckled.

'Tad bit, huh?'

'Yes, tad bit. Like this.'

Kendall placed a quick, light peck on my lips. I wasn't expecting that at all but it felt nice as always. At the same time, I was feeling a little frisky.

'Well, is that the best you can do, tad bit?' I teased.

Kendall caught on with my teasing and he smirked. He wrapped his arms tightly around my body, kissing me on the lips full of love and passion. I embraced his body as well, returning his kiss. He then moved to my neck. He was about to suck on it when I stopped him.

'Uh-uh, not here, not tonight. I have a shoot tomorrow.'

'If I can't have your neck tonight, then I will have your lips tonight. And don't even think about not giving it to me fully!' Kendall smirked.

With that, Kendall moved back to my lips and we slowly descended back to the bed, our lips not parting from each other. Our tongues engaged in some hot action until we fell asleep in each others' arms.

* * *

**A/N: Hey everyone! So what do you think about this chapter? Do you like it? Hate it? Whatever it may be, do R&R and tell me! :D At the same time, I need some help again. I don't know what's next for this story so I would appreciate it very much if you can suggest what I write about next. Till then, enjoy and love and hugs from me! :)  
**


	10. You think I didn't notice?

My next one week is going to suck real bad. That's because Kendall will be away in Australia where he will be filming an episode of Australia's Next Top Model as a guest. Well, when you're the world's top male model, traveling to different countries in the world comes as no surprise to me. In fact, I've booked a job for one of Japan's top street wear, Uniqlo, and I'll be leaving for Japan in two days' time. But what kills me is that I won't be seeing Kendall for a week. I know a week is not long but now that we have something, not seeing him for even a second tears me apart inside.

'I'll try to call or Skype whenever I can, okay?' Kendall said, kissing my forehead.

'Okay. I'll miss you and I'll call before I leave for Tokyo, alright? Take care.' I said.

We gave each other one last hug before he left the room, out of the models house and into the car waiting for him to take him to the airport. It feels strange that I won't be seeing Kendall for a few days. Maybe it's because I've been spending so much time with him recently. I guess this is what happens when you fall in love.

There was no call from Kendall on the first night but I received an email from him telling me that he arrived in Australia safely. He is scheduled to film for the show in another two days' time so meanwhile he will be seeing some Australian designers. He said he will try to Skype when he gets the chance. I replied him telling him to take care and wished him all the best for the show.

The next day, I had to get ready for Japan so I had some packing to do. I will be in Japan for about three days. But I won't be going there alone. Apparently, James is the new face for Uniqlo so he will be shooting a lot more for them while what I booked was a bit small compared to his. No problem there with me. I mean, I could use some free time to catch my breath. Somehow, I don't feel comfortable with the idea of going to Japan with James. The last time I was on a plane with him, he fed me a load of information I didn't need or find hard to believe. I remembered what Kendall warned me before about him and that made me extra cautious. But I'm the type of person who always try to see the good in others so I decided to give James a chance and see for myself. Even though we live in the same model house for quite some time now, me and James are not really close. Besides Paris Fashion Week and the Salaciously Sleazy condom advertising campaign, this is my third time working with James, although it can be said that I did not really collaborate or work directly with James. So, in a way, this counts as the very first time I'm working with James.

Before I went to sleep that night, I dialed Kendall's number. I was prepared for him to not pick up the phone but he picked up on the second ring.

'Hey baby, what's up?' Kendall's cheerful voice came on. God, I miss that sexy voice!

'Hey, just called to tell you that I'll be leaving in a few hours' time.' I said.

'Great! Sorry I couldn't call or Skype this two days.'

'I understand. Am I interrupting anything, by the way?'

'No, not at all. I just got back to the hotel after booking Men's Health Australia.'

'Wow, really? Congratulations, Kendizzle!'

Kendizzle is my new nickname for Kendall. Somehow, I find this nickname cute and I've used it ever since. He seems to like it too.

'Thanks babe. So, how's preparation? Ready for Japan?'

'I think so...'

'Logie? Is everything okay?'

'Yeah..why?'

'Well, you don't sound so good. What's wrong?'

'I think you know right? James is the new face of Uniqlo so you know what that means right?'

'You'll be doing the shoot with him in Japan.'

'Yeah. And I remember what you told me before about him.'

'Yup so you gotta be extra careful when you're around him, okay?'

'It's just that...I don't feel nice being all paranoid and acting awkward around him. I mean, I don't really know much about James but I don't wanna judge him before I get to know him better either.'

'What are you trying to say?'

'That I wanna give him a chance and try to befriend him.'

'What you have in mind is all good but like I said before, James can be quite vicious so whatever it is, never let your guard down.'

I thought about this for a while. Is James really that bad? I wonder. I was a little lost in my thought that I forgot I was on the phone with Kendall.

'Logie? Babe? Are you still there?'

'Huh? Oh yeah...sorry.'

'Are you thinking too much again?'

I sighed. Kendall knows me a lot better now that we're seeing each other for quite some time. It feels nice to have someone tell me that I've been thinking too much. I'm not sure if this is becoming a bad habit of mine, wanting Kendall to tell me every now and then that I'm thinking too much so that I don't feel guilty about something. If this continues on, I'll become spoiled eventually.

'Maybe...or maybe not.'

Kendall chuckled on the other end. I can imagine his adorable face when he chuckles. I miss him so fucking much right now!

'Hmm...let's see. I say you are thinking a little too much. So, you should go to bed now.'

'Okay. I miss you, Kendizzle.'

'I miss you too, Logie bear.'

'Goodnight and I love you. Muaks.'

'Love you too. Muaks.'

We hung up and I go to bed feeling good and dreaming about Kendall.

* * *

Morning was a big time rush for half of the models apartment. On top of James and I having to get ready to go to the airport, and I have to be up earlier than him to avoid him hogging the bathroom, the girls floor were busy too. Camille had to get ready for a TRESemme print ad and Heather had a few castings to go to. On the guys side, the only other model having to be ready this morning was Jett, who has a catalog shoot.

The Rocque Models car arrived at the time appointed by Gustavo right on the dot. James and I hopped on and we were off to the airport. Since the journey to Japan is a long one, exceeding ten hours, I managed to catch some winks while flying. James did the same as well and we barely talked to each other during the flight. I wonder why Gustavo did not go to Australia with Kendall since Australia's Next Top Model is huge over there and he did not invite himself on this trip to Japan with James and I, too. Both Top Model and Uniqlo are big clients if you ask me so isn't he supposed to be either one of this location and not sitting in his office now? Guess I will never know the answer. Gustavo is an oddball at times.

Once we touched down, we had to get to work right away. We were rushed to a fitting session where we tried on different outfits from Uniqlo's high end street wear collection. Now I know why they say Tokyo is the Capital of Avant Garde Fashion. Their style and fashion are way ahead of us and when I think back to American and European designs, I felt so left out. After some adjustment and cheating (holding loose ends with paper clips), we were off to hair and makeup. Unfortunately, Carlos was not booked for this job. He had other commitment back in LA. I kinda miss him doing my hair and makeup.

I find the concept of this shoot interesting. It was something I've never done before which is shooting on the busy streets of Harajuku, the fashion district of Tokyo and possibly the whole of Japan. Most of the photo shoots I've done in the past took place in a studio so shooting on real locations intrigues me and gave me a new idea of how to pose and express the designer's vision for the product.

Like I said before, James is the new face of Uniqlo. Because of that, he is the main focus of the camera today. James and I were the only models from Rocque. Shooting with us were three other models, one male and two female. The male model is a local top model here in Japan while the other two female models were from England and Taiwan. If this appears in a magazine spread, one could easily tell there is an interesting mix of cultures here because we all have different looks. For the duration of the shoot, James would stand at the center, and the rest of us will be at the background. But being overshadowed by James was not an option since the photographer and the client will not have it like that. Even though we are like James' props or background, we still have to stand out in some way.

'Okay good job everyone! That's a wrap!' The creative director for the shoot said after going through some photos with the client and photographer.

We clapped and cheered and went back to wardrobe to change out of the clothes. After that, we went to hair and makeup to remove our makeup.

Gustavo arranged for James and I to stay at a homestay in Tokyo. We were taken there in a car hired by Gustavo. That's the perk of being a Rocque model, never have to worry about transportation. But there was one problem: Gustavo only rented one room in the homestay and there is no bed in Japanese homestays, only tatami mattress. I didn't like the idea of having to share the tatami with James but I tried to shake off the notion. I had to keep telling myself that I'm thinking too much. I let James use the bathroom first while I unpack my bag. After he was done, I went and took a much needed shower.

When I went back to the shared room, James was lying on the tatami reading a Japanese fashion magazine, showing off his alpha male model physique. I don't know why but my heart started beating at an unusually rapid rate. What the...don't tell me I'm falling for James? No, I can't let that happen! I have Kendall!

James must have caught me staring at him. He smiled at me and motioned for me to lie beside him on the tatami. It was a logical thing to do since it was already quite late at night, we endured a long journey all the way from America to here and we have an early start tomorrow. I hang the towel to dry and lie down beside James. There were a few seconds of awkward silence between us.

'Hey Logan, look. It's Kendall!' James said, showing me a picture of Kendall in the magazine he was holding. It was a picture of his Calvin Klein campaign. Damn! It made me miss him even more!

'Oh yeah...' I managed. That was all I could manage.

James put the magazine down and stare into my eyes. I looked into his hazel eyes for a while but I don't know what the fuck happened to me, I blushed and looked away. James tipped a finger under my chin, tilting my head up to meet his gaze once more.

'Logan, why Kendall?' James asked.

'What? What are you talking about, James?' I was confused.

'There's something going on between the two of you, right? You think I didn't notice?'

What the hell? How did James know about us? This is not good.

'I really don't know what you're talking about, James. I'm going to sleep now and you should too. We have an early start tomorrow.'

Before I can do anything, James came on top of me, pinning me to the tatami. What the fuck is going on?

* * *

**A/N: Hi peeps! First of all, I wanna thank Sandy for the awesome suggestion about throwing some James and Logan action into the mix so here you go! :D But most importantly, the question is what do you think is going to happen next? Or should I say what do you want to happen next? R&R and tell me! I'm open to suggestions and if it fits, I will incorporate them into the story! :)  
**

**Oh yeah, before I go, wanna take a guess why I chose to send Kendall to Australia? ;)**

**Till we meet again, love and hugs from me, thank you for supporting this story, enjoy and see ya! :)**


	11. I want to tell you about it

James straddled my waist, preventing me from escaping. He leaned in closer to me and I felt extremely uncomfortable.

'James, what are you doing?' I asked nervously.

'What do you think I'm doing?' He threw the question back at me, his eyes suddenly turning cold and predatory. This is not going to turn out good.

James aimed his lips against mine forcefully. I had no time to react and it shocked the hell out of me. The kiss was something foreign to me. It was vile and full of lust, nothing like the sweet kisses that Kendall and I shared countless of times before. I had to do something. I cannot let this happen. But damn my mind, why must this experience take me back to that place I vowed never to recall again? I started tearing up. I tried my hardest to push James away but he's too strong. I struggled for a good while before I managed to knee him on the abdomen, causing him to pull out of the kiss and freeing me from his grip. I took this opportunity to run away, out of the room, out of the homestay.

All I could do was run. I hadn't a single idea where I was heading to since I was in a foreign country. I just continued running and sobbing until I was out of breath. I sunk to the ground. I looked so fucking pathetic now. Here I am in Japan, miles away from home, sitting on the cold hard ground of some dark and empty street in Tokyo and crying over two things: that darn memory from years ago and me cheating on Kendall. So, maybe I did not cheat on Kendall but what happened to me made me feel like a whore. I was so mad at myself. I cannot take it anymore.

'Logie? Boo, is that you?' That voice was familiar. But it couldn't be. It must have been my imagination.

'Logie? Look at me, here, look at me.'

I felt a hand removing my hands from my face. Those brown eyes...it was really him! It was Carlos! But how could it be? What was he doing here anyway? But I was too drained to think about such questions. All I wanted to do was hug him, which I did. I threw myself at him, dangling my arms around his neck and continued to sob into his shoulders.

'Shh...it's okay...it's okay...' I heard Carlos comforting me, stroking my hair as he did.

We stayed there for a good few minutes before we got up and went back to Carlos' hotel room.

'Why are you here?' I asked when I felt a little better.

'Come on! I'm the best stylist around and everyone knows that! You really think those tards can do a good job? I bet they fucked up your hair and makeup for the shoot! Well, Gustavo contacted me after I finished my job for the Prada runway show in New York and I was jetted over here. Looks like Gustavo don't trust them either so what can I say? And I heard that you were booked for the Uniqlo job so I asked for your lodging details and thought of looking for you but looks like I didn't have to after all.' Carlos said and handed me a cup of steaming hot coffee. I could use some of that.

'Thanks.' I said and took the cup of coffee from Carlos.

'So, uh...what happened?' Carlos asked.

I hung my head low. I can see clearly how fucked up I looked like from the reflection cast on the surface of the coffee. I didn't know what to tell Carlos but I want to tell him. Besides Kendall, Carlos was the only other person whom I have complete trust in. I could never hide anything from him. But what should I say? Where do I start?

'I...I don't know where to start, Carlos.' I admitted.

'Hmm...okay, why don't you start by telling me how you ended up on the street?' Carlos asked, sipping his coffee.

That was a tough enough opening question but I think I can pull through this without cracking or without cracking much.

'Well, you should know...James is here too.' I started. I was wrecking my brain to find the right word to say to Carlos.

'Yes...and?' Carlos nudged.

'He...kissed me...' I mustered up the courage to say the word 'kiss'.

I looked at Carlos. His eyes were as wide as saucers. Obviously, he was shocked at the new piece of information.

'Oh...crap. Crap. Crap! What is Kendall going to think about this?' Carlos said.

I was taken aback by what Carlos said. How did he know?

'What did you just say, Carlos?'

'I said what in the fucking hell is Kendall going to think about this?'

'Wait...how did you know?'

'Logan, even a blind can tell that there's something going on between the two of you.' Carlos rolled his eyes.

What the hell? Was it that obvious?

'Do you know of any other people who knows about us? Or ask you?' I started to get nervous.

'Not that I can recall but even if people ask I told them I don't know about anything. So...now that this has come out from your mouth, it's confirmed then?'

'Well...yes but please Carlitos, you can't tell anyone about this! Please!'

'Ha ha! Chill, boo! I won't tell anyone! How long have you guys been dating, by the way?'

'We've been dating since Paris Fashion Week.'

'That long, huh? And I thought I was your bestie! You didn't tell me anything! I had to rely on my senses to tell me that there's someone in your life. Someone important.'

'It's just that I'm not ready to disclose our relationship to the public. You know Kendall's a top model and I...I don't wanna ruin anything for him.'

'Hmm...I understand but you know something? I don't think you will ever ruin anything for him. You guys are perfect together!'

'You think we're perfect together? Well, I don't think so. I'm a nobody.'

'Nobody? If you're a nobody, then what are you doing here, in Tokyo shooting for Uniqlo?'

'Because...I got the job?'

'That's it! This kind of jobs come once in a while and not many people have the chance but you have something in you, I can tell right away from the first time Kelly took you in for that sportswear photo shoot -'

'Oh God! Please don't remind me! That was so fucking embarrassing, okay?'

'Hello, you were an amateur back then, so it's understandable. But look at you now! You're flying high, like Kendall!'

'Actually no, lower than Kendall.' I sipped my coffee.

'Okay, maybe it is for now. But I have faith that very soon you will be like him. And when that time comes, if you say you're not perfect together with Kendall, I'm gonna slap the shit out of you. And I mean real shit!'

I almost choked on my coffee. Damn it! Sometimes he says the most inappropriate things at the most inappropriate time.

'CARLOS! Watch what you're saying next time, please?'

Carlos was laughing. Really? When I could have potentially died from choking on a hot drink?

'Okay...chill now...so...this whole thing with James. What about him?' Carlos finally said after laughing like an idiot for a while.

'I..I don't know. I just came out from the shower and I saw him lying there on the tatami. I don't know why but..my heart was beating insanely fast when I saw him lying there. Then, he asked me to lie down and I did because it's late and we have an early start tomorrow. He showed me a picture of Kendall from the Calvin Klein campaign in a magazine he was reading. The next thing I know he was on top of me and kissed me. And...'

God, I can't continue. The memories from my past was haunting me again. Should I tell Carlos?

'And..it brought back some memories...memories that I don't want...' My voice started crack.

'Logie? Boo? Are you alright?'

I started to cry. I lost control over my tear ducts and the waterworks began.

'Carlos...I have a dark secret...that no one knows about...not even Kendall...and...I'm...I'm stressed out from having to carry it all my life...'

Carlos came over to my side and put an arm around me. He pulled me into an embrace and tried to console me. I just leaned my head on his shoulders for what seem like an eternity, as the unpleasant memories from my past came flooding back to my mind. But I can't fucking take this anymore. I felt the need to tell someone about it. I looked at Carlos, tears still flowing freely from my eyes.

'I...want to...tell you about it...' I said in between sobs.

'Logie, are you sure about this?' Carlos sounded genuinely concerned.

'Yes...yes I'm sure...'

* * *

**A/N: Hey people! So here's a short chapter and are you surprised/confused about Carlos' appearance in Japan? LOL! What do you think about this chapter? Do R&R and tell me! And in the next chapter, we're gonna find out what Logan's ugly past contains.  
**

**Here's some question for you: should Logan tell Kendall that James kissed him? Should Logan tell him about his past also? Should Kendall confront James big time? Let me know! Oh yeah, if you're reading this, please go to my profile and vote on my poll. You can choose up to 2 options and the purpose of the poll is written there. So, see ya and peace! :)**

**p/s: i'm terribly sorry if you find this crappy!**


	12. You've said enough

_Meanwhile in Australia..._

Kendall had a busy day in Sydney, Australia. His morning was occupied with the filming of his special guest segment on Top Model. The filming took longer than expected and extended well beyond until after lunchtime. Kendall only had time for a bowl of Caesar salad before the Rocque Models car picked him up from the filming location to take him to the beach for the Men's Health cover and spread. In short, Kendall had a busy and tiring day. Luckily for him, that was all he had for the day. He was thankful that he will get a late start the next day where he only has more Top Model filming to complete. Once he got back to his hotel room, he collapsed on the bed and drifted off to a deep slumber.

When Kendall woke up, it was about 12 something midnight. _Wow, I was that tired!_ Kendall thought to himself. After his head was cleared, he remembered that he hadn't talked to his boyfriend, Logan, for quite some time. He missed him dearly and he wanted to hear his voice. So, he took out his phone and dialed Logan's number. The fact that this call was made from Australia all the way to Japan from an American number did not bother Kendall too much. The bill was nothing compared to hearing Logan's voice at that time.

He heard the dial tone. And that was all he heard. Logan did not answer the call. Strange. Maybe Logan already went to bed? Kendall remembered that Tokyo is 2 hours behind Sydney so the time in Tokyo would probably be around 10 something at night. Maybe Logan was doing something else and didn't hear his phone? He decided that he will try one more time after a quick shower. Kendall hit the shower and let the water run its course through his body. It felt so nice after a long day at work. He began to think about how Logan and him had never taken a shower together. How can this be? They have been dating for quite some time now but they haven't really done a lot of intimate things together. The farthest they went to was long, sweet, passionate make out sessions. But that was it. He had an idea. A mischievous smile spread on his face. He will drag Logan into the shower with him the next time, whether he like it or not.

After he came out of the shower, Kendall tried Logan's number again. The dial tone was heard again and Kendall waited, praying that Logan will answer the call. A few seconds later, the call got through.

'Hey, baby!' Kendall said cheerfully.

'Hey..' A voice came from the other line.

Wait a minute. That wasn't Logan's voice on the other line...it was...it was...James? What was going on?

'James?' Kendall said, confused.

* * *

'Take your time. Relax. Take as long as you want, I'm here for you.' Carlos said to me, holding my hands.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm my emotions down. I did this several times until I was able to find my voice to speak properly again.

I began my story.

* * *

_Only half of my parents are my biological parent. And that is my mom. The person that I call 'dad' is my stepfather. In fact, I had two stepfathers. Even though I was only a kid, but I know since day one that my first stepfather, which I also called 'dad', didn't really like me. He only accepted me because of my mom. Looking back, I don't blame mom for this. If it was anyone's fault, it would be my biological father's fault. I've never seen him nor do I want to.  
_

_I remember I was about eight. I just got back home after school and the first thing I saw when I opened the door were two masked men. Although I couldn't tell who they were but I remember one had gray eyes and the other had blue eyes. I can see from the holes in their robber mask. Of course, I was terrified. I didn't know these people nor do I know what they want from me. But I know whatever it was, it wasn't good. I tried to run out through the front door but they, being adults who were much bigger, stronger and faster than me, managed to block my path with one swift movement and silenced me before I could even scream. They covered my face with chloroform, putting me in a daze and I eventually passed out._

_I was kidnapped._

_When I came to, I was surrounded in total darkness. I tried to say something but my mouth was gagged. The best I could do was let out small, pitiful moans. This must have caught the attention of the kidnappers because when I made those noises, my blindfold was removed. It turned out that I wasn't in complete darkness but my surroundings were still dark nonetheless, a dimly lit, creepy little hut I thought to myself. _

_The door was opened and I couldn't quite make out who walked in just yet. But when that person came closer, I speculated that person to be my 'dad', my first stepfather. I formed this theory in my head by the way the mysterious person walked. When the person's face finally came to life, my speculation was confirmed. It was my 'dad'! But that look on his face; those dead set eyes, oozing coldness and those lips as tight as a bottle cap, scared the crap out of me. I never really like or connected with 'dad' since day one. I always felt fearful whenever I see him, like I was about to get hurt. And I thought that maybe this time was it. He was going to hurt me. For real._

_But he didn't. Even though he didn't hurt me, I can never forget those words that came out of his mouth._

_'Do with him as you please but whatever you do, make sure he's alive. If he's dead, there will be no money for you and me. We are in this together now so don't you ever try anything funny because if you fuck any of this up, you're just as dead as I am.'_

_He left after he said those words. I didn't understand what he meant then but later as I grow older, I understood the whole scenario. Or at least this must have been the reason that triggered this event. The kidnapping was part of a plan. A plan to steal money from my mom. You see, my grandmother left behind a rather large sum of money for my mom in her will. And I remember, albeit vaguely, that my mom did discuss about the will with him. So, he must have acted on that information. I couldn't think of any other reason for his doing but after I was rescued, the money that rightfully belonged to mom was gone and 'dad' went missing. Up until today, what I thought to be the reason for the kidnapping is never confirmed but I'm pretty sure my theory is the reason._

_I was in that dilapidated hut for five days. But it felt like I had been there for a lifetime. During that five days, each passing second felt like hell to me. I was abused. Used. Humiliated. My movement was restrained by the ropes that bound my hands together. They didn't tie my feet up so I could walk but I couldn't do things with my hands. The two kidnappers would make me beg for food. They treated me like a dog and would ask me to go down on all fours and they will hold the food they have up high and I will have to reach for it like a dog reaching for a bone dangling from above. They used a lot of filthy and degrading words. I was threatened countless times, which eventually caused me to be psychologically and mentally disturbed. Whenever I cry, they would slap me hard across the face until I stopped crying or until I pass out from the pain. If I still didn't shut up, they would hit my mouth forcefully with their palms. I remembered there was once where the blow was so powerful it cracked my lips and I bled. From that time onwards, I didn't dare to cry in front of them, knowing that I would only get myself into more trouble if I did. If I felt like crying, I would only do that when the two leave the house temporarily or when they were snoring in their sleep. But even if I didn't cry, they would still hit me for no reason.  
_

_I thought the beating and humiliating words were the worst but I was wrong. Dead wrong. It was the fourth night. There was no mistake about the day, date and time. I remember it all so clearly because what happened to me that night left me scarred for life. From the tone of their voice, the language they use, the way they eyed me, their body language, I know I was in for something different this time but I don't know what was it. I broke into cold sweat as they came near me, removing their robber masks as they did, revealing an evil smirk painted on each of their faces. I was too weak to get up as I had gone without food for a whole day; yes, they would only feed me when they felt like it, so I could only struggle to retreat on the ground, using what little energy I had left in my body. They taunted me, telling me that there was no way I can escape now. I was forced into a corner. They..._

* * *

The waterworks in my eyes began again. God, I never thought it would be this hard. I couldn't face Carlos. I felt ashamed. I covered my face with both of my hands and just sobbed into them. I don't know what I should do. _  
_

I felt Carlos running his hand across my back, giving me a comforting rub.

'It's okay, Logie...it's okay...you've said enough...' Carlos whispered.

But no, what I said was not enough. I'm not done. I want to get this done. But the shameful nature of the incident was holding me back from telling Carlos the whole story. I've started this so I can't stop now. No, I can't stop now. It's not fair to Carlos. I slowly removed my hands from my tear stained face and slowly turned back to face Carlos.

'C-Carlos...they...I was...I was r-r...' I whimpered. 'I was..r-r-raped.' I whispered, loud enough for Carlos to hear.

Carlos' eyes looked like they were about to pop out of its sockets. His right hand immediately flew to his mouth, covering it. He looked shocked.

'Oh my God...oh my...Logan...come here.' Carlos pulled me into his embrace. In that instant, my tears started pouring out and I couldn't control them. Before I know it, I was crying out loud.

'It's okay, Logie, just let it out. No one can hurt you now. I won't let anyone hurt you, okay?' Carlos comforted me.

I continued crying and I didn't care if anyone can hear the loud noises I made with my crying. I chose to cry even louder instead. Somehow, the more I cry, the better I get. It almost felt therapeutic. Maybe it was because I finally told someone the dark secret that I had been carrying for so long. I cried long and hard but eventually my loud cries turned into tiny sobs. I pulled out of the hug and looked Carlos in the eye. I must have looked like shit now but I don't care.

'I'm sorry -' I started.

'No! Don't be silly. You have nothing to be sorry about.' Carlos beat me to it. He gave me a warm, genuine smile.

'Well, um, thank you, Carlos...I...I understand if you look at me like...I'm some kind of...slut...' I said, looking down and still sobbing.

'Logie, boo, look at me.' Carlos lifted my chin with his finger. Our brown eyes met. He wiped a tear away from my cheek and stroked it gently with his thumb. 'I really appreciate that you choose to tell me about what you've been through during your childhood. I understand it takes a lot of courage to do this and I just wanna say I'm very proud of you for taking this huge leap. I'm really honored to be able to share your pains with you because that shows that you really trust me and I'm happy that you trust me. And no, I don't see you as some kind of slut, whore or skank or whatever. I love you too much to think of you that way. If anything, you are...you are strong!'

Carlos chuckled. What he said put a smile on my face.

'Thank you, Carlos, thank you. I love you.' I said and pulled him into a hug.

'Anything for you and I love you too.' Carlos said.

'Um...do you think I can put up here for the night? I don't really want to go back to the homestay...' I said once I pulled out of the hug.

'I was gonna insist on that even if you didn't ask. And we should get some sleep now. Don't wanna be late, do you?' Carlos said.

Carlos, you have no idea what a sweetheart you are. I felt a burden had been lifted from my shoulders. I'm grateful for the fact that I was able to sleep soundly that night.

* * *

Kendall was furious. He was so furious that he destroyed a few items in his hotel room. He knew that James cannot be trusted but what James told him over the phone sounded so convincing, so vivid, so real. How could Logan do this to him?

But deep inside, in a far corner in his heart, he had faith that Logan will never do this to him. However, that voice telling him to believe Logan was small. Too small that it was overshadowed by James'...lies. _What if James was telling the truth? _Kendall thought.

* * *

**A/N: Hi y'all! What's up? :)  
**

**So, how do you like this chapter? How do you feel after reading about Logan's past? What do you think James told Kendall? If you have been following this story since the beginning, you would have noticed something different in this chapter. I've added Kendall's POV in the third person. I'm just experimenting and I wanna hear about what you guys have to say about it. Do you like it? Hate it? R&R and tell me! :)**

**By the way, the Cargan pairing here is strictly platonic. They are just really, really close, best friends, nothing more! :D**

**After some internal conflict with myself (LOL), I gave myself at least 20 chapters to finish this but it's tentative. It may end sooner or later than that so stay tuned! I'll be away on holiday for a week so there will be no updates for a week. In the meantime, you should enjoy this to the max! :P**

**Before I go (I think some of you are impatient by now...), please do go to my profile and vote on the poll. If you have voted, thank you! If not, give it shot.**

**Okay, I'm done talking, bye and see you in a week's time, hopefully! :)**


	13. Or maybe forever

**A/N: Hey how's everyone? :D**

**Okay, so I'm gonna take this time to clear up some confusion/mistakes/whatever that I've messed up. Technically, Logan has 3 dads: his biological dad, his first stepfather who planned the kidnapping and his current stepfather who actually loves him. I know I wrote about Logan discussing his moving to LA plans with his parents so that parents there is made up of his mom and his current stepfather. (thanks for pointing this out, Manuel! :D )**

**another blunder i made is in chapter 11 where it was mentioned that Carlos had other commitment in LA. And then in the next chapter, during the Cargan moment, Carlos said that he just finished working on the runway show for Prada in New York. So, there seems to be some continuity error here, right? Not when I add some more details to it (LOL). Here's an amendment after the line '_I could use some of that':_**

**_'Thanks. You were in New York? I thought you'd be in LA.' I said and took the cup of coffee from Carlos.  
_**

**_'Nope, NYC. Change of plan at the last minute. Gotta get used to it.' Carlos smiled bitterly._**

**_I took a sip from the coffee. It tasted bittersweet. _**

**_'So, uh...what happened?' Carlos asked._**

**So, there you go! Please don't hesitate to tell me where I've gone wrong or you find some other errors in the story. Now, off to a new chapter! ;)**

* * *

When dawn broke, I went to the bathroom to get ready. I took a look at my own reflection and it scared the crap out of me. My eyes were swollen from all the crying last night and my hair was in a mess. I looked like I just got ran over by a car but somehow managed to survive although the sight of it was not pretty at all.

I undressed and stepped into the shower. I turned on the faucet and let the water run through my body. As I did that, my mind went back to last night. James kissing me, me freaking out, my meltdown, Carlos' sudden appearance and me letting my guard down and confiding in Carlos. It all felt like a soap opera to me. It may have been only one night but the night sure felt long. After toweling dry, I stepped out of the bathroom to see Carlos stretching and yawning. He just woke up.

'Morning, boo! Did you sleep well?' Carlos asked, smiling.

'Absolutely. In fact, I think it's the first time in years that I manage to sleep so soundly.' I said.

'That's good to hear -' Carlos' phone rang before he could continue. 'Hello? Yeah. Okay.'

'Who's that?'

'The people from Rocque. They'll be here in 20. Oh by the way, you can put on some of my clothes while I go get ready. I think it will fit you just nice.' Carlos said then went to the bathroom.

I went through his suitcase and pulled out a skinny jeans, a fancy printed tee and a leather jacket. I put them on. The tops fit me just nice but the jeans was a little too loose for me. You see, Carlos' waist is a little thicker. The jeans just wouldn't stay long on my waist.

'Hey, Litos! Do you have a belt?' I raised my voice so that Carlos can hear me from the bathroom.

'Yeah, it's in the zip compartment.' Carlos yelled back.

I opened up the compartment that Carlos mentioned and there were a few belts inside. Really? That much belts for a short trip? Not that I'm complaining though. It sure came in handy for a sticky situation like this. I took one out and wrapped it around the belt loops of the jeans. Now, the jeans fit just nice on me. After a few minutes, Carlos emerged from the bathroom wrapped in a towel. He put on some clothes and we chat a little bit before heading down to catch the Rocque ride to the photo shoot.

Today's photo shoot will take place in a photo studio. When we arrived on set, Carlos went over to the hair and makeup area to set up his workstation. James and the English female model from the day before were already there. They were chatting with each other happily and I couldn't help but wonder what were they talking about. When James saw me, he said something to the girl and got up from the chair. He was walking in my direction. I flinched. What the fuck now?

'Logan, you forgot something.' James smirked and fished out a phone from his pocket. It was my phone!

'Thanks.' I managed.

'You know, I wonder how things will turn out for you when we go back to LA.' James whispered into my ear and left me to continue his chatter with the female model.

What was that supposed to mean? The first thing I did was check the call logs.

Shit. _Kendall. _And looking at the green arrow icon next to it, the call was answered. Fuck. I quickly checked my text messages but there was no new messages from Kendall, only the old ones. Fuck this shit! If the call was answered, God knows what other stuff James must have seen when he had my phone in his possession for the temporal period I was without it. I'm in deep shit!

* * *

I couldn't concentrate when the shoot started. I received a lot of negative feedback from all sides but I could care less about what they had to say. I was more worried about the situation with Kendall. What could James possibly say to Kendall?

'That's very good but Logan, can you come here for a minute?' The creative director, Charles, said.

I went over to Charles and I can tell right away that this was not good. He looked upset.

'Logan, there's not one single shot that I can use here.' Charles pointed to the monitor.

I looked at the monitor and he was right. In some of the shots, I had the body language down but my face was blank. While others had the expression needed but the body fell flat. I was all over the place. They could easily edit me out of the picture and just put the four of them there and still sell the product. Damn it.

'I'm really sorry, Charles. I just got a little...distracted. I'll do better, I promise.' I said.

'I've heard a lot about you and I was looking forward to working with you. But this? I can't work with this, Logan. You need to turn out at least one good shot for this job, okay?'

'Okay...'

'Let's try this again. Everyone ready? Good!'

I went back to the group and I can see from the corner of my eye that James was smirking. What the fuck is up with that guy? But fuck him. I ain't got time for him now. I have to give my full concentration for the next few frames._ Leave all worries aside, focus on the job at hand. _That was my mantra as the photographer start clicking away.

'Good job! That's a wrap!' Charles shouted.

My eyes connected with James for a brief moment and he was still wearing that smirk on his face. Seriously, what the heck is his problem? I quickly went to hair and makeup to meet up with Carlos. Luckily, I was the first one there. I didn't have to share Carlos with anyone and I was more than happy with that. I let Carlos work on removing the makeup on my face as I dialed Kendall's number. I heard the dial tone but there was no answer. Maybe Kendall's busy? I tried again ten seconds later. Still no answer. My nerves started to act up. I tried Kendall's number a third time but all I get was the request to leave a voicemail. I clutched onto my phone, my hands shaking. I'm screwed.

'Logan? Honey boo? What's wrong? Is everything alright?' Carlos asked, looking into my reflection in the mirror.

'Kendall's not picking up his phone...I'm...I'm scared...' I sighed.

'Maybe he's busy with something?' Carlos suggested.

I put my phone on the makeup table and stare back at Carlos' reflection in the mirror.

'Carlos...Kendall called me last night but my phone was not with me...the call was answered and James handed my phone back to me when we came here...I'm screwed...'

* * *

Thank God the Japanese market had a thing for James' face. He got a call from the agency telling him that two major Japanese designers wanted to see him for a possible casting so he had to stay back for another day or two. I fulfilled my obligation for the job in Japan and I was released. Before I knew it, I was whisked back to LA on the next available flight. Since I was traveling alone, it gave me more time to think about what James might have discovered in my phone and what he might have said to Kendall. Did James read the text messages I exchanged with Kendall? Did any new messages came in for me but he read and erased them before I had a chance to view them? Why wouldn't Kendall pick up my call? What exactly did James tell Kendall? The long flight hours proved to be of no help to me whatsoever. I had too much time to kill and I started overthinking once again. How I wish Kendall was here with me. He would have told me that I was thinking too much. But judging from the deep shit I'm in right now, I don't think Kendall will tell me that let alone talk to me anytime soon.

Or maybe forever.

* * *

As soon as I reached the models apartment, I tried Kendall's number again. I heard the all too familiar dial tone but like my previous futile attempts at trying to contact Kendall, there was no answer on the other line. I felt tired. Very, very tired. Not only that, I was frustrated. I was at a loss, confused, beaten, broken. It may be due to the long hours spent on traveling, it may due to me thinking about Kendall too much, it may be due to me worrying about what kind of damage James had done. But whatever reasons it may be, I was not in the mood to think about any of the shit that was going on at the moment. I took a look at my phone and I was suddenly filled with a kind of rage. I'm in deep shit or I may be in deep shit and it's all thanks to this damn phone. I forcefully fling the phone against the wall, not giving a damn if it broke. I don't have anymore fucks to give right now. I slumped down on my bed and let sleep consume me.

_A man was standing in front of me, with his back facing me. That back was familiar. It looked like...the man turned around. Kendall!_

_I ran up to Kendall and gave him the biggest grin I have. But my grin was quickly wiped away when I saw the coldness in Kendall's green eyes. I wanted to turn away from him and run. But I can't. It was as if I was rooted to the ground. The next thing I know, a palm came down hard on my cheek. Oh my God, Kendall slapped me! His green eyes started to water and he was shaking. He was shaking with anger._

_'How could you...how could you...Logan?' My nose turned sour and tears start to form in my eyes as I hear him say those words._

_'Kendall..please...'_

_Kendall raised one hand to stop me. 'We're done...we're so fucking done...'_

_Kendall turned away from me and marched on. The sight of him turning away felt like someone just pierced my heart with a dagger and twisting it. No, Kendall, don't leave. I can explain. It's not what you think it is, it's not what it looks like. I ran after him. But the more I chase after Kendall, the farther he seems to be away from me. I called out to him but he ignored me. _

_'Kendall! Kendall!'_

'Kendall...no...please...KENDALL!' I sat up right on the bed, panting for air.

It was...only a dream? But damn, that felt so real. I wiped away the cold sweat on my forehead. I decided to climb out of the bed to go to the bathroom to wash my face. Before I could turn the doorknob, however, the bedroom door was opened and there in front of me stood Kendall! The first thing I felt when I saw him was relief, pure joy. It had only been a week or so but it felt like an eternity since I last saw this gorgeous man.

'Kendall!' I flung my arms around his neck, breathing a sigh of relief when I realized that this Kendall standing in front of me was the real deal. The physical contact between us were real, there was no denying it.

But something felt wrong. Kendall was not responding to the hug. Suddenly, I was overcome by guilt and shame. I quickly let go of Kendall. The atmosphere was extremely awkward. We just stood there, not saying a word to each other. We were staring into blank space, avoiding eye contact with each other. This world is really unpredictable. One minute, you feel like the luckiest man alive with the most perfect boyfriend anyone can ever ask for and the next thing you know, all this could be taken away from you just like that.

I don't know how long it was but Kendall was the one who broke the silence.

'Logan, is it true?'

* * *

**A/N: There you go, another chapter! I feel like the ending was...blah! I actually wrote a more dramatic ending for this chapter but it didn't quite fit so I went with a rather blah one. I'm so sorry! But anyway, do R&R and tell me what you think and what do you think will happen next? Will Kendall listen to Logan's explanation? Will they breakthrough together or break up?  
**

**Once again, please go to my profile to vote on the poll! While we're on the subject of voting and polls, the description for each choices are merely proposal/rough idea of what the story will be like. The outcome may be different from the current description so take note! :)**

**p/s: Manuel, if you are reading this, I want to tell you that I really enjoy your Kogan story! I'm looking forward to your updates, too! Cheers! :D**


	14. It may not even happen in this lifetime

'Don't go for second best, go for the best! Atlantis Frozen Food. Taste the best salmon in the world.'

'And...CUT! Good take, Logan! Now, everybody take five before Linda takes over and then we'll do the scene of them together. Logan's makeup needs some touch up.' The commercial director said.

I handed the canned salmon to the props guy and went over to hair and makeup to relax a little and also to touch up. Carlos looked like he was expecting me, just standing there and staring at me with a solemn look on his face. This was the third time he gave me that look. I smiled back weakly and sat down on the chair to let him work on my makeup. Surprisingly, he didn't do that. Instead, he pulled the nearest chair to him and sat down.

'Carlos, I need to touch up on my makeup.' I said.

Carlos continued to give me that look.

'Logie, do you really have to go?' Carlos asked and the way he sounded killed me. I almost wanted to cry.

I sighed and hung my head low.

'Carlos, we've done this before -'

'Okay, fine. I know I won't be getting a different answer. Once you've completed all the jobs you booked, you'll be gone. And this is the second last one, isn't it?' Carlos interrupted me before I can say anything.

I nodded.

Carlos took my hand in his. I looked up to meet his soft, brown gaze. I'm gonna miss that playful brown eyes and his bubbly personality so much after this. I bit my lower lip, trying to hold back the tears but my vision soon became blurry as two droplets trickled down my cheek.

'Hey, it's alright man. Don't cry.' Carlos pulled me into a hug.

'It's just that...I'm...I'm gonna miss you so much...' I said in between sobs.

'I'll miss you too. But listen, we're not gonna end here, alright? This isn't the end. No matter where you are, no matter what you do, remember that I'm always here for you, okay? And if anyone hurts you and you don't tell me and I find out about it, I'll go find them and whoop their ass and then come find you and whoop your ass for not telling me!' Oh God, Carlos! I'm so missing him right now. I can't help but let out a soft chuckle upon hearing that.

'Carlos...I can never thank you enough...you're the best friend I've ever had...thank you so much...'

'That's what friends are for, no? Now, let's clean up all that mess you made on your face and get you ready.'

As I sat there letting Carlos work on removing and reapplying makeup on my face, I wonder what the future holds for me. I mean, I'll be leaving Los Angeles right after I complete my next job and I plan to go back to Minnesota for a while before I embark on my next venture. There's nothing for me back in Minnesota but then again, it's my home and I know I can always go back there if something is broken. I may go back to med school when I'm ready or I may not. I may still model (my book had been updated and so was my comp card) but that is left to be seen. But for now, all I wanna do is head back home and take my time to heal.

* * *

'Logan, is it true?'

Kendall's voice cut through me. He sounded cold, scary even. What do I say? What can I say? How can I make it up to him? Where do I start?

'What...what did you hear...?' I managed at last.

Kendall did not answer me. He walked past me, to find what was now the carcass of my phone.

'So...this is proof that it is true?'

'Kendall, what's true?'

'You cheated on me, behind my back, with James.' Kendall turned back to face me. He looked calm but those eyes bore anger in them.

'What did James say?'

'What did James say? Shouldn't you tell me what you wanted James to do? And to think that I have to hear all of it coming out from his mouth!' Kendall's voice got louder with each sentence. He charged toward me until I was forced to the wall.

What did I want James to do? I have absolutely no idea because I didn't ask James to do anything. And I really do wanna know what he told Kendall to see how deep the damage was and whether we have a long way to go to mend us back.

'Kendall, I really have no idea -'

'No idea? Okay, try this on for size! You went on top of James, kissed him while rubbing your body against his, telling him that you want it, that you need it! You sat on him while he lied down, taking your clothes off, trying to turn him on! You did all that so that he will fuck you! You begged for it! James must have been a great fuck, am I right? You were completely worn out after the incredible sex you guys had and he had to take a phone call from your fucking boyfriend who wanted to hear your voice because he miss you so badly!'

Kendall was literally yelling at me. He had never yelled at me before and it was the very first time I've seen him so upset. I was in utter shock to hear what James told Kendall over the phone. I would never have done that! I would never cheat on Kendall and he should know that! He was the most perfect guy I could ever find so how fucking stupid I am if I cheat on him? And that was a bunch of lies that James told Kendall! I had to do something.

'Kendall, please listen to me. James and I did kiss but -'

'Oh! Great! You hear that, Logan? You hear that? James and I did kiss...Logan, you're admitting it yourself!'

'No, that's not how it went down! Kendall, please listen to me. We did kiss but James was the one who forced himself on me! That's all! We didn't do whatever that he said, no! I wouldn't cheat on you even if there was only one man left on this earth! Please, Kendall, believe me!'

Kendall let out a long sigh. I just stood there, not knowing what to do, not sure if I have done what was required to fix the situation.

'I want to believe you so badly...' Kendall whispered, loud enough for me to hear.

He wanted to believe me so badly? What does that even mean? Does it mean that he doesn't believe my side of the story but believe a full hundred percent of James' hurtful and evil lies? How could you...Kendall, how could you?

'What do you mean?' I asked, close to my breaking point.

'Logan, I really wanna believe you, I really do. But...I don't know...I really don't know.'

'But why? Why won't you believe me? What do I have to do? What do you want me to do, Kendall?'

'Because the way that James described it was so real. It was so vivid. I can imagine how you were like, the way he described the moment...and how you seem to enjoy it...and the fact that we've never had sex before, not even once. It makes it even more convincing, you know that? How you actually rejected my advances but you seem to be okay with him and even begged for it because let's face it, James is more attractive than me. I really wanna believe you, Logan. But you make it so hard for me.'

I can't believe that came out of Kendall's mouth. Each word uttered felt like a knife slicing my heart into pieces. His choice of words brought tears to my eyes, tears of regret, sorrow and disappointment. How could he say that? Where was the trust? Where was the man who told me he will be there for me when I need him? Now that I need him to be here to support me and put his trust in me, he seem to have disappeared into thin air, leaving me alone to struggle here. What happened to the Kendall Knight who made all those sweet promises? Were they never meant to be fulfilled from the very beginning? What's the meaning of all this?

'Did that...did that come out from the bottom of your heart?' I asked, hoping that Kendall will say no but somehow I already know the answer.

Kendall closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. I guess I know the answer. It was not the answer I was hoping for.

We didn't say a word to each other after that. I don't think there was need for any of that for that moment. What was there to say anyway? It was not like Kendall actually gave a shit. I thought that we had enough trust and faith in each other to maintain our relationship but turns out that maybe we don't. If none of that exist in this relationship, why am I wasting my time? Why am I still in this room with him? Why do I care so much about what he thinks about me? _Why am I still crying over the fact that he doesn't believe me?_

There was no point in staying in the room. I walked out of the room teary eyed. I couldn't take even a second more hanging around Kendall. It was not because of the guilt or shame, but because of what he thought from the bottom of his heart. I spent my night on the couch of the common hall, all lonely and hurt. I guess the saying is true then, the one whom you love the most is also the one who hurts you the most. James' vicious lies were hurtful but what Kendall thought and said was a hundredfold more hurtful than that.

* * *

Minutes turn into hours, hours turn into days, days turn into weeks and it had been two weeks since the whole incident with James and Kendall. Even though I still sleep in the shared room with Kendall, that was the only purpose of the room now - sleeping. Other than that, none of us could stay long in the room. In the past, we would spend lots of time together in the room cuddling, kissing and even making out but not anymore. We used to be a loving and comfortable pair but now we have turned into awkward strangers. And it was killing me inside.

We haven't talked to each other since that day Kendall confronted me about the whole James thing. Although I wanted to try explaining to Kendall again, I figured that it would be futile because he wanted to believe me so badly but he just couldn't. I wanted to talk to him, hear his voice, comforting me and telling me that he actually believes me and what he said was actually on impulse, not from the bottom of his heart. I wanted Kendall to do just that so much but I know that wouldn't happen. It wouldn't happen anytime soon.

It may not even happen in this lifetime.

The days I spent not talking to Kendall were days spent in agony. I tried to forget about it all by indulging myself in my work. I would go to double the amount of go-sees and castings that Gustavo would normally assign me to. It was always a relief to hear that I was booked by almost every one of the clients because if I'm booked, that means I will have to work and I won't be spending time in the models apartment or my shared bedroom with Kendall. I can get my mind off Kendall that way, by exhausting myself by working, trying to numb my feelings with the amount of job offers I get.

But it didn't help at all. I still miss Kendall, I still think of him, I still want him.

_I still love him._

* * *

'Logan, are you sure about this?' Gustavo asked for the umpteenth time now.

'Yes, I'm very sure, Gustavo. I really thank you for your time in nurturing me and thank you for believing in me and giving me this wonderful opportunity. I appreciate it a lot but I think there's more to life than just strutting my stuff on the runway, putting myself out there in the latest prêt-à-porter collection from River Island or Levi's for the world to see. I'm not saying that I don't enjoy walking for fashion shows or taking part in a really artistic, high fashion die for fashion themed photo shoot, I really like the experience and I always have a blast doing them. But I just thought that maybe it's time for me to seek a new direction for now.' I said.

My management contract with Rocque Models will expire soon and Kelly had called me up a week before it was due to expire to negotiate and possibly renewing the deal. The thing is over the past few months that I've been modeling, I started to grow a form of admiration, appreciation and love for modeling and also the fashion industry. I'm excited to participate in more runway shows, photo shoots, commercial shoots and so on but like what I've said before and one that I can never stress enough, modeling isn't really my cup of tea. People may tell me that I look like a model or I should model but my views about who I am, what I'm like has never changed. I still think I look too nerdy or dorky to be a model and sometimes I feel awkward and embarrassed that well known, high fashion brands like Calvin Klein and Guess takes an interest in me and offer me campaigns and endorsement deals. Of course I take it for experience sake. I think the past few months had been a wonderful learning and life experience for me. But there is only so much and so far that modeling can take me and give me. I wanted to venture out, go somewhere else, try something different in life. There's got to be more to life than being a clothes hanger! That's why I decided not to renew my contract with Rocque.

'Well, since you've decided, I will respect your decision. But always remember this, Logan. You'll always be a part of the Rocque family. Should you change your mind, just call or drop by, okay?' Gustavo said.

'I will. Thank you once again, Gustavo.' I smiled back weakly and said before I left Gustavo's room.

But of course, there's another reason why I chose to put modeling on hold for a while and it was because of Kendall. Living with him but not saying a word to him is stressful and hurtful enough, and there's only so much I can take. And I guess it's a good thing for us to be apart for while. Even though i don't really know what kind of a relationship we share now, but whatever it was, it is or it will be, I wish him all the best and my love still goes out to him.

* * *

'Taste the best of the best only from Atlantis Frozen Food.'

'Cut! Good job, everyone! That's a wrap!'

One more job and I'm retiring from modeling, maybe for good. And somehow, that's something scary to think about because if I retire from modeling for good, does that mean that I'm also retiring from Kendall for good?

* * *

**A/N: So, I actually experienced writer's block but it went away rather quickly and the result is this! :D Do R&R and tell me what you think about this chapter. Are you sad that Kendall and Logan sorta broke up? Are they ever getting back together? How will they get back together? I know some of you are expecting it to be romantic and filled with fluff and whatnot but I feel like this story needs a bit of drama and conflict to spice things up and also to develop some of the characters and also some of the later plot points. Sorry if you find it sad, sucky, crappy... but I always try my best and I'm doing the best I can. :)  
**

**But anyway, I sincerely thank everyone who gave their love and support and I appreciate every single one of them. Hugs and kisses to you awesome people out there! :D And as usual, I'm gonna start my annoying plea to vote on the poll! Poll will close after the conclusion of this story. To those of you voted, thank you. ;)  
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**Okay, time to go. Thank you and love y'all! :)**

**p/s: To Manuel, yes I meant Behind Those Glasses. I find the Kogan moments there so cute and no, i can't read or write Spanish :)**


	15. So near, yet so far away

Kendall was pretty sure he was someone who could keep his emotions under control. He was actually cocksure about that. The people around him believe that about him, too. But nobody, not even himself, thought that there will come a day where his emotions will mess with him and crush him.

Kendall had a photo shoot for Lee Jeans the third day after he broke up with Logan. It was one of the major campaigns he booked for the year and one of the most important one because it was a national campaign and the payout was double of any other campaigns. There was no room for messing up. However, he showed up late for the shoot, had a bad attitude on set, throwing tantrums everywhere and at just about anybody and produced a largely unusable film, resulting in some of his worst pictures to date in his entire modeling career. He was given a stern warning from Gustavo, who was on set since Lee Jeans is an important client, but it was not like Kendall paid attention to what Gustavo was telling him. The people who worked with Kendall believed that he was just having a moment and everything will go back to normal once he gets to his next job. But they were all wrong. The incident in the Lee Jeans shoot was only the beginning.

During the interim between the breakup and Logan's departure, Kendall had several jobs lined up for him including a cover and story for Men's Health magazine, a fantasy wedding editorial shoot for a special pullout in British Vogue, a TV commercial and print ad for Diddy's new skincare line, an online commercial for Pepsi and photo shoots and runway shows of varying themes for well known designers and fashion houses. Despite the fact that his questionable behavior on the set of the Lee Jeans shoot spread like wildfire in the modeling circle, the clients still chose to keep Kendall for the job because he is something of a household name among the male models in the industry. It was not easy to get hold of Kendall and they rather bear with his demeanor, have him sell the product to the masses than waste more money hiring other models for the job.

However, there were times where Kendall went too far by pushing the clients over the edge and they were forced to replace him with someone else. Although Kendall was the preferred model to complete the job, some clients did not hesitate to book another model on standby and have the standby model replace Kendall once things get too ugly. There were times where clients simply told Kendall to go home after he shot the first few frames and there were also times where Kendall was cut even before he can start shooting due to the consequence of him being late for the shoot. In the latter circumstance, Kendall would usually find a new model already in his place.

The most notorious incident that Kendall was involved in during this period of time was with the well-known Italian brand, Versace. Kendall had booked a campaign for their Spring/Summer ready-to-wear collection which includes several photo shoots for print and online ads, a TVC spot for the collection's New York Fashion Week debut and runway shows. On the first day of the shoot for the print ad, Kendall was once again late with no valid reason. Due to a scheduling conflict, Gustavo was not able to attend the shoot. Instead, Kelly was sent to observe the shoot and to make sure that Kendall delivered what the client wants. When the photographer started to click away on his camera, Kendall failed to deliver. The pictures were bland and uninspiring. When the creative director and photographer gave him advice, he did the most unthinkable - he shouted profanities at them and stormed off from the set. Kendall never returned after that. Kelly tried to look for him and tried his phone but all of that was in vain. Nobody knew where Kendall went after he left the set but he was back in the models apartment when night falls. The next day, a distraught Gustavo received the news that not only Kendall had been removed from the campaign and his deal canceled, Kendall was also blacklisted by Versace along with his agency, Rocque Models. That means there will be no more future collaboration between Rocque Models and Versace. To make matters worst, Kendall's controversy prompted other designers, fashion houses and even magazines to drop him from the jobs he booked and replace him with someone else. Now, even though Kendall was dropped from various major clients, that did not necessarily extend to his agency. Only Versace and Guy Laroche severed ties with Rocque Models while the rest still chose to employ Rocque models. The male model to receive the biggest benefit from this was James, who was almost always the second choice after Kendall was fired by the client.

With the growing negative controversy surrounding Kendall, Gustavo did what he had to do - Kendall was frozen. Kendall was to remain under the management of Rocque, but he will not be sent out to castings and go-sees nor will the agency book any jobs for him. Although the most logical thing to do in this respect would be to drop Kendall from the agency, which Gustavo had every right and power to do so, Gustavo chose not to. Gustavo chose to suspend Kendall instead because he still had faith in Kendall. To him, Kendall was still the most bankable male model Rocque has ever had. He thought that maybe Kendall was going through some personal struggles in his life right now but he believed that if Kendall overcome his problems, he will be the phoenix that rises from the ashes. Gustavo had faith that Kendall will rise again someday but currently, he is in need of a timeout. As such, Kendall's page on the Rocque Models website was temporarily removed.

Gustavo was a man who respected his models' personal lives. He did not know what happened to his top male model Kendall, who had been slacking in his performance, or his newest breakout star, Logan, who had been asking to be sent out on more and more go-sees and castings and even manage to bring new client in for the agency but seems to be robotic as of late. He had absolutely no idea that Kendall and Logan were in a relationship together but he know that what triggered the sudden change in both models' behavior has got something to do with their personal lives. But he was not one who like to meddle into the personal lives of others but he believed in timing. Time will eventually make things right again.

* * *

Of course, the reason why Kendall acted the way he did had everything to do with his personal life. It involved two people - Logan, his boyfriend and James, his fellow colleague whom he doesn't like very much.

From the day James spoke to him through Logan's phone about Logan's alleged actions and behavior, Kendall struggled. He thought he could handle it. He thought that his emotions won't get in the way. _He thought he trusted Logan. _But wait, he knew that his boyfriend would never do that to him. They trusted each other enough. Or so he thought. All it took was one lie, or a potential truth, to ruin it all. He couldn't handle it, he got overly emotional just like any other normal people would when they hear such things about their lover and he started to question his own faith in Logan.

He hated that feeling. He hated how he actually questioned Logan's fidelity. He hated how he chose to believe James instead of Logan. _He hated himself. _

Kendall didn't know how to face Logan when he got back from Australia. He wanted to believe whatever that Logan has to say. When Logan threw himself at him, he wanted to return the hug. But he couldn't bring himself to do it. He hated how his mind was manipulated. He didn't know how to respond to Logan. But something caught his eyes. He got distracted for a moment and went over to it. Logan's broken phone. If Logan was innocent, then why was his phone lying on the floor, damaged? He got even more confused. He wanted an answer. He don't know why but the Logan standing in front of him was not someone he seem to know. Or was he being ignorant? Did he create all these thoughts in his mind so that he can be justified for believing in James and not Logan? Why was he being so cruel to Logan? Why did he yell at Logan? Why did he have to tell Logan that he wanted to believe him badly but Logan made it hard for him? Logan did nothing wrong, Logan did not make things hard for him. He was the one making things hard for himself. He knew he made a huge mistake when he let Logan walk away. He was left all alone in the room. He began to ponder.

James was well known as a serial liar but it was unfair to disregard what he said as nothing more than pure lies since there were times where James was brutally honest. On the other hand, Logan was his sweetheart and he should have the higher priority when it comes to who he should believe. So what seems to be the problem? Kendall thought hard and long. Then it hit him. He was unsure of what happened to Logan in the past. Logan has had a few nervous breakdowns before but after he came out of it, he put on a shield around himself and fend off anything that tries to dig the truth out from him. Kendall was curious. What exactly happened to Logan in the past? Can it be that he did not have a hundred percent trust and faith in Logan because of that? But if that was the reason why Kendall did not trust Logan enough, then he might as well rot in hell this very instance! Kendall felt disgusted by himself. How can he let something minor like his boyfriend's past get to him and make him change his mind about believing him? _But don't I have the right to know? _Kendall thought as he let sleep drown him that night.

* * *

It has been a good two weeks since the confrontation and neither party took the initiative to talk to each other. Kendall wanted to explain himself. He wanted to tell Logan that he was sorry for saying such things. He wanted to make it up to Logan. But he also wanted to help Logan. What exactly is Logan hiding from him? Why can't Logan tell him what he deserved or he thought he deserved to know? He wanted to tell Logan that he will be there for him, that he will be there to help him and that they will go through whatever Logan is struggling against together. They can do this together! Kendall had so many things to tell Logan. Yet whenever the opportunity presents itself, guilt found a place in his heart. Why would Logan want to listen to him? Who was he to Logan now anyway? Didn't his reaction that day confirmed the bunch of bullshit he told Logan; Logan rejecting his advances but seems to be okay with James and how Logan make things hard for him, was actually from the bottom of his heart?

Kendall felt stupid. He regretted whatever he said the other day, he really did. The damage that he had done was too deep. Sure, what James told him hurt like hell. But what hurt him even more was the fact that he hurt his own boyfriend, by not believing him, by refusing to listen to his explanation. How could he do that to his precious little Logie? He was so broken, so fragile and those sad, brown eyes screamed for Kendall to protect him from the harshness of this world, it screamed for Kendall to give him another chance to believe him. But he failed to do that, he had failed his Logie. The more Kendall thought about it, the more depressed he became. He would cry silently every night when he saw Logan lying on his bed, with his back facing him. How he long to have Logan in his arms again, how he wish Logan would invite himself into his bed again, how he wished he could see that cute crooked smile on Logan's face again.

He wished everything could have gone back to what they were before. But he just didn't know how to face Logan.

The depression became so bad that it came to a point where Kendall was not interested in his work anymore. The hottest male model at the moment, who used to have such passion and drive and who strive to deliver only the best, now did the job he was assigned to halfheartedly. What was the point of arriving on set early anyway when he can also get the job done even if he turn up late? What was the point of giving the client what they want - the right pose, the right expression, the right angle - when mediocrity gets him by as well? Kendall found it hard to concentrate. He knew that he will never be able to find back the passion, the inspiration needed if the rift still exist between him and Logan. He continued to slack, the clients continued to complain about him and he continued to get yelled at by Gustavo. But he didn't give a fuck anymore. None of the critiques and comments stuck in his mind. Only Logan was on his mind.

He didn't care if Versace dropped him from the campaign, he didn't care if he got blacklisted by major designers and clients, he didn't care if he landed Rocque Models in hot water. None of that mattered to him if Logan was so near, yet so far away.

* * *

Luckily for Kendall, the public and the media had a short attention span. By the time a new scandal featuring retired German supermodel Claudia Schiffer and the father of all male models, Marcus Schenkenberg surfaced, the controversy surrounding Kendall was quickly forgotten. Gustavo grabbed hold of this opportunity to book the new Nike Air Max promotional shoot for Kendall. The deal was made possible with the support of TJ, the designer of uber men high street brand, Jefferson, who collaborated with Nike for the design of the shoes. TJ was impressed with Kendall during Paris Fashion Week and continues to be so although he was a little disappointed that his muse, Logan, was no longer active in modeling. TJ thought that the best way to promote the shoes were to feature both Kendall and Logan in the ad but obviously, this was not possible anymore.

Despite Logan's absence, it was a win-win situation for every party involved - the agency, the model and the client. Gustavo get to do some damage control by saving the ailing reputation of Rocque Models while slowly paving the way for Kendall's comeback. At the same time, Nike and Jefferson got themselves an experienced albeit troubled alpha male model to help promote their product.

* * *

Time flies and it had been three weeks since Logan left LA for his native Minnesota. Kendall remembered rushing back to the models house after spending the whole night at the nearest bar drowning his sorrows, lamenting over the fact that Logan was leaving, just to catch one last glimpse of Logan before he leaves. Logan's flight was scheduled at 1.30 midnight. Kendall had high alcohol tolerance so he was able to make it back to the models house without much problem although he nearly knocked down two pedestrians while driving.

As soon as he reached the models house, he ran up the stairs to find Logan standing outside their shared room with his suitcase, about to lock the room door and ready to leave the models house to catch the Rocque car that will take him to LAX. Their eyes connected and Kendall was filled with a certain kind of passion. He went up to Logan and enveloped Logan in a possessive hug. Logan was taken aback at first but soon he hugged back. When Kendall's body came into contact with Logan's, the waterworks in his eyes started. He couldn't control his tears and he didn't want to; he needed a release. Kendall continued to hold on to Logan in a tight embrace. He didn't want to let go of Logan. He realized that he loved Logan more than anything and he would give anything just to have Logan stay and be by his side. Like a stubborn child refusing to give up their favorite toy, Kendall's grip on Logan only tightened with each passing second while he continued crying, as if that was enough to make Logan stay. However, Logan's actions said otherwise. Logan struggled to let himself loose from Kendall's hold after what seemed like forever. When Kendall finally let go, Kendall saw two tear tracks on Logan's face. Kendall wanted to convince Logan to stay but nothing came out of his mouth. Logan simply gave Kendall a weak smile, a bittersweet smile. Before leaving the house for good, Logan gave Kendall one last brief hug. Kendall can never forget Logan's last words.

'Bye, Kendall. I love you...' Logan whispered through his sobs.

Logan didn't bother to look back but continued walking in a rapid pace. He walked down the stairs and finally left the house with his suitcase. Kendall quickly turned around when Logan started walking, tears still flowing freely from his eyes and still sobbing, trying to call out Logan's name but he only managed a soft whisper which Logan didn't hear. When he saw that Logan had walked down the stairs and heard the front door opening then closing, Kendall knew that Logan was gone for good. Feelings of regret and sorrow filled Kendall and his green eyes were like broken dams as more tears flowed freely from them. Kendall sank to the ground. He hugged his knees together and buried his head in them, sobbing and crying the whole night, eventually passing out on the cold floor from exhaustion.

* * *

Kendall was sitting at the makeup table thinking about his last moments with Logan while waiting for the stylist to work on his hair and makeup. He was staring into blank space when he felt a hand on his shoulders, breaking his reverie. He looked into the mirror to find Carlos' reflection. He gave Carlos a weak smile to which Carlos returned. Kendall expected Carlos to work on his hair and makeup right away but instead, Carlos sat down beside him, confusing Kendall.

'Kendall, I need to talk to you.'


	16. He knew it was going to hurt

From the first time he saw him walking into the studio, he knew that he was special. Sure, he may be inexperienced, he may have gotten a lot of the things wrong and he may be a bit of a crybaby, but Carlos knew right away that this new face brought in by Kelly was something different. Carlos saw immense potential in Logan as a model although Logan himself may not see it yet. Carlos may only be a stylist but he has been active in the trade ever since he was in his mother's womb, literally. His talent and skills as a hairstylist and makeup artist were inherited from his mother, who was a makeup artist herself. So, there was no way he could be wrong about Logan.

But there was something wrong with Logan. He experienced it firsthand, with his own eyes, how Logan had that panic attack. He was shocked. He was not prepared for this scene that unfolded right before his very eyes. He was honest when he said that he had never seen a model having a meltdown like that before in his entire career. There was something wrong with Logan but what could be wrong? When Carlos confronted Logan about his panic attack, Logan attempted to laugh it off but Carlos was having none of that. And knowing Carlos, Logan knew that he cannot keep the secret from him for long. He promised Carlos that he will tell him all about it in his own time.

Carlos agreed. He wanted to know but at the same time he was afraid to know. He had the feeling that it was not going to be pretty.

* * *

Initially, there was supposed to be no Carlos during Paris Fashion Week. But when he heard that Logan was going to be there, he called his agent to look for an open spot for hair and makeup during fashion week. Fortunately, Carlos had a very efficient agent who got him the job within 45 minutes. Carlos and his team were originally freelancers when they arrived on the first day but they quickly got a deal with London-based agency, Models 1. While Carlos and his crew were still free to work with anyone involved in fashion week, the models of Models 1 will get top priority.

Why would he go through all that trouble? Simple. He wanted to keep an eye on his best friend. Carlos can be considered as somewhat of a veteran in the fashion industry so he knows how hectic and stressful major events like Paris Fashion Week can be. Carlos figured that maybe, just maybe, Logan's breakdown the other day had something to do with him being stressed out, so it would be a good idea to be there. He was worried that Logan may not be able to handle the situation so the least he could do was to support him by being there for him, even though the chances of seeing Logan in person was slim.

But that was not the case. Fledgling high street menswear brand, Jefferson, booked two European models from Models 1 to walk the catwalk for their upcoming runway debut and Logan was one of the models walking for Jefferson as well. Carlos had informed Logan beforehand that he would be in Paris for fashion week after he got the callback from his agent but he kept mum about his freelancing. He didn't want to freak Logan out. It was obvious that Carlos was being overprotective of Logan but who can really blame him?

Even though Logan was a newbie, he walked like a pro on the runway. At least that was what Carlos thought when he heard applause from the audience when Logan walked out from the backstage. This was confirmed when he managed to sneak a brief peek of Logan's walk from the backstage. Logan not only walked with confidence, he got the attitude and style to match. What captured Carlos' attention was the pair of boots that Logan was wearing. Since Logan was not of ideal height for a male runway model, he had to wear these really high, thick heeled boots that accentuated his height dramatically. Coupled with him being chosen personally by the designer TJ to close the show and TJ standing beside him after the show ended, Logan's future in modeling looked promising. Carlos speculated that Logan would be TJ's muse judging by TJ's action and he was correct once again.

* * *

Carlos and Logan became fast friends when they first met. There was no doubt that their friendship would last for a lifetime and during the short period of time that they had known each other, they had grown exceptionally close to each other rather quickly. The two just hit it off right away and bonded pretty quickly. But Carlos still felt that Logan was hiding something from him; he was pretty sure that Logan was seeing someone and that someone was Kendall.

Carlos could tell that Logan had a thing for Kendall. But who doesn't? Kendall is _THE_ Kendall after all, alpha male supermodel at the moment. But it was not a one-sided thing as Carlos could see that Kendall seemed to really like Logan too. Logan was unusually shy around Kendall and Kendall seemed to enjoy being with him and it looked like Kendall was always looking for opportunities to get close to Logan and _touch_ Logan. Carlos thought that was a bit perverted of Kendall but he was pretty sure Kendall meant no harm. Although he had heard rumors about Kendall before, he knew better not to believe them, since almost half of the rumors came from the unreliable gossip monger cum pretty boy model, James. On a side note, Carlos did not like James much due to his diva behavior and arrogance. If James was the one getting close to Logan, Carlos would have surely prevented it from happening since he didn't trust James. But he had confidence that Kendall was a nice guy and he will not hurt Logan. As such, he did not interrupt the blossoming love between the both of them but continued to let them be.

* * *

A last minute change of plan caused Carlos to show up in New York for the Prada runway show. Did he complain? No, not a chance. This is life in the fast lane and this is how the fashion industry is and always will be. However, immediately after the show ended, Carlos found himself walking in the streets of Tokyo. He and his crew were hired to replace the hair and makeup team from the Uniqlo shoot from the day before. He was sent by Gustavo personally so he had first hand information on which Rocque model booked the Uniqlo job. He found out from Kelly that James and Logan would be staying in a Japanese homestay.

He planned to catch up with Logan but he had no idea that Logan was one step ahead of him in doing that. Not in a good way, though.

Carlos saw a familiar looking boy sitting on the pavement of a dimly lit street. He walked closer to examine and sure enough, that person was Logan, who buried his face in his hands and appeared to be crying. He called out to him but Logan was stubborn, he refused to look at Carlos. Carlos tried a second time and removed Logan's hands from his face. Said poor boy's eyes were red and puffy. Carlos knew that Logan was a bit of a crybaby but this was a little too farfetched. Carlos was taken aback when Logan threw himself at him but he welcomed it. He had not a dime of an idea what happened but he was sure that Logan needed a friend at that moment.

When they were back in Carlos' hotel room and Logan a little calmer than before, Logan told Carlos that James forced himself on him and even kissed him forcefully on the lips. Carlos was furious. So he was right about James all along. However, he accidentally let out the fact that he knew that there was something going on between Logan and Kendall by the slip of his tongue. Logan was shocked but Carlos knew that there was no use in hiding the fact that he knew about the secret couple anymore. Although Logan had faith that Carlos was a friend that can be trusted, he still begged Carlos to keep it a secret. Carlos found it cute. In fact, there is not a day where Carlos didn't think that Logan is cute. Too cute at times. And fragile. _Maybe that was the reason why Logan gets hurt that easily?_ Carlos thought to himself.

But what came next was not easy for Carlos to take in. It was the moment that he had been waiting for. It was something that was long forgotten but had slowly creep back into Carlos' mind. When Logan mentioned the words 'dark secret', his mind instantly traveled back to that time - the time when Logan suffered from a severe panic attack, the time he thought that Logan almost went insane.

He knew it was going to hurt but he didn't know that it would hurt so bad. Carlos' soft heart was shattered when he heard Logan's story. How could anyone do that to him? How could anyone hurt him that way? He didn't deserve any of that, nobody deserves to be treated that way! But unfortunately, it happened to Logan. All Carlos wanted to do was to hold Logan in his arms. Carlos said nothing the whole time Logan was crying his eyes out. Logan didn't need consoling words, he needed love and comfort.

Although it was hard for him to take in the information about Logan's unfortunate past, Carlos was happy for Logan. He even felt proud of him because Logan finally came out of his shell and bravely took a step forward. Carlos was also happy that Logan trusted him enough to tell him about his past and he appreciated it a lot. Logan may be broken and scarred on the inside, but he was a genuine and sincere person.

Carlos soon found out that and affirmed that with James around, there is not one second of peace and quiet. Logan had been trying Kendall's number after the shoot was done and from the look on his face, Logan was worried sick. When Carlos heard that James had answered Logan's phone when Kendall called the night before, he knew that it was going to get ugly. If killing James could restore some peace in Logan, Carlos would have definitely killed James.

* * *

Instead of killing James, Logan's sudden announcement of leaving LA killed him on the inside. It more than killed him, it destroyed him. Carlos may have only been friends with Logan for a short time, but their friendship had skyrocketed to a level where Carlos would like to think of as the peak.

Although it was only a guess, it was obvious to Carlos that Logan was leaving LA because of one of the three possibilities he had in mind or a combination of any of them: 1) the damage that James had done to Logan and Kendall's relationship, 2) Kendall's refusal to believe Logan's explanation and/or 3) Logan hesitation to reveal his past to Kendall for fear of rejection.

He wanted to make Logan stay. He wanted Logan to work things out with Kendall. He couldn't bear to see his best friend leaving, especially with a broken heart.

But what can he do?

* * *

The opportunity came some three weeks later after Logan left sunny LA for his chilly hometown, Minnesota. Kendall booked his first job in weeks for the new Nike Air Max, after a period of joblessness due to his unprofessional and dangerous behavior on set prior to this. Coincidentally, Carlos was booked to style the models for the Nike Air Max shoot.

He saw Kendall sitting there at the makeup table, deep in thought. It was the perfect opportunity. Should he do it? He took in a deep breath and walked up to Kendall, who was still oblivious to him. He put a hand on Kendall's shoulder, who looked up to catch him in the mirror's reflection. They smiled at each other but Carlos needed to get this off his chest. He pulled a chair next to Kendall and sat down. Kendall was confused.

'Kendall, I need to talk to you.'

* * *

**A/N: Hi everyone! How are you liking this chapter and the one before this? The last two parts here felt a little rushed, right? And do you miss Logan's POV? Lol...don't worry, the next chapter will revert back to Logan so stay tuned! ;) **

**This story is coming to an end soon, about 3 or 4 more chapters till we're done. Are you sad that it is ending? Will it be a happy or sad ending? Till then, I'll see you awesome people later! Peace out! :)**


	17. It's time to face the camera once again

I opened my eyes trying to adjust what's dream and what's reality. It's Minnesota we're talking about here and early morning sunlight is rare, so it's a little hard to distinguish between the both of them. The sheets felt soft and warm under my body. It made me feel good. The rustling of the leaves outside the window added another layer to my feel good mood. I sat up and stretched. I crept out of the covers and went to the bathroom for a quick wash up. After that, I went to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. The sweet aroma of the coffee wafted through the air as I pour some into my favorite cup. I sipped a little bit of the coffee to see if I made it right. I did. I smiled to myself and shuffle out of the house, coffee in my hand.

I looked up to the gray Minnesota sky. It stood in stark contrast to the bright, sunny sky of California. As I take another sip of coffee, I can't believe that this is it. Two and a half months had passed and I'm no longer in Los Angeles, California; I'm back home in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Everything feels different here. Back in LA, traffic was heavy, work was stressful and the people were not always that nice. With the exception of Carlos, of course. He was the most genuine person I have ever met in LA. But here in Minneapolis, everything seems to move a little slower. Life was not as rushing and hectic as LA and the people were definitely nicer. And it was definitely nice to come back home for some peace and quiet after the eventful and tiring days I spent in LA and around the world.

Suddenly, I felt someone glomp me from behind. It startled me.

'Shit!' I yelped and that person got off me and was laughing uncontrollably.

I turned around and groaned. I guessed that much that it was her! That little wench, Stephanie King!

'Stephanie King! How many times do I have to tell you to stop doing that?' I raised my voice at her.

Stephanie continued laughing. It was annoying me but within seconds, I find myself laughing together with her.

'Oh, come on, Logan Mitchell! You know I will never quit doing that!' Stephanie stuck her tongue out at me. I returned her 'kind' gesture.

'Yeah, yeah, whatever Steph! Where's Tyler?' I asked.

'He's still sleeping but he should be awake by…' Stephanie started.

Before she could finish her sentence, a scream can be heard coming from inside the house. Both of us turned to look inside the house as a cute and chubby red haired boy came running toward us. That would be Tyler, Stephanie's cousin. I raised an eyebrow at Stephanie but she was laughing again.

'Stephanie! Stop that!' The red haired boy yelled at Stephanie.

'Tyler dear, I'm just doing all of us here a favor. If I didn't put that ghost in your room, you would probably be in bed till the cows come home. And we have a long day today. So, get going and get ready!' Stephanie flashed Tyler a sarcastic smile.

Tyler crossed his arms on his chest and shot daggers at Stephanie. He turned to look at me, his expression softening a little and he finally shrugged and went back into the house.

'Hey, any more of that coffee left? I'm dying for one.' Stephanie said, eyeing my coffee.

'Yeah, it's in the kitchen.'

We went back into the house and headed for the kitchen. Stephanie poured herself a cup of coffee in her favorite Starbucks mug. I sat at the island and continued to sip on mine, reminiscing how I got here.

* * *

When I returned to Minnesota, I was greeted by mom, dad and a girl I never thought I will see again, Stephanie King. Stephanie is dad or my stepfather's niece. We used to see each other a lot when we were kids but she moved with her family to Wisconsin when we were a little older. Stephanie is currently studying film directing in a famous film school in Wisconsin. She applied for an intern position in Minnesota so that her father can keep an eye on her through his brother i.e. dad; she originally wanted to intern in New York. I can see why her father didn't want to let her go to New York. Stephanie is adventurous but she can get too adventurous at times. With her wild girl attitude, she may be a goner if she goes to New York. She had been living in Minnesota with mom and dad since my shoot in Japan wrapped. That shows how long I've lost touch with home.

I endured a midnight flight, took a long nap and was then at the dinner table eating with mom, dad and Stephanie. While eating, I felt a pang of guilt. Why hadn't they questioned me about coming back home? I cleared my throat and offered to explain myself. But mom wouldn't let me. Instead, she gave me her most genuine, warm smile and said in the gentlest tone ever, the words that I will never forget for the rest of my life.

'Sweetie, we just want you to be happy. I can tell that you're upset with something when we spoke on the phone and I don't want to see you like that. I don't care what happened. As long as you're safe and happy, that's all that matters. Okay?'

Dad nodded in agreement and told me the same thing. A rush of emotions swept through me, as if I wasn't an emotional rollercoaster already, and the waterworks were building up in my eye. But thank God for Stephanie for once. She slapped me on the back and told me to stop being melodramatic. What she said successfully yank me out of my emotional state and I burst out laughing, my genuine laugh in God-knows how long. Within seconds, the dinner table erupted into laughter. I've never felt so good in such a long time. I think I should be able to get my spirit back during this period of time I'm home in gloomy Minnesota.

* * *

As part of her internship program, Stephanie was required to work as an assistant director under British director, Thomas Watts, for an independent film. Although she was an intern, the director treated her like his real assistant. Watts was not the type who screams or shouts but he bosses people around and the one to take it the hardest was Stephanie since she was his assistant. The film project started not too long ago. On my first day back in Minnesota, they were still in the midst of pre-production. The scriptwriters made some last minute amendment to the script while a few cast members dropped out of the project due to a clash in their schedules, delaying the production of the film. Stephanie was pressured to find replacement for the missing cast and she decided that I came at the right time and dragged me along to fill in the main role.

How did I get the role? Stephanie did not just pull me to the film set because I was available but it was because she saw my model portfolio. I was unpacking and Stephanie offered to help. When I saw her holding a black file, I tried to snatch it away from her but it was too late. She was flipping through it and her jaw dropped.

'Logan, you're a model?' Stephanie exclaimed.

'Shh! Not so loud, Steph!' I hissed.

'Goddamn it, Logan. These pictures are so hot! And I thought you're in med school!' Stephanie continued to flip through my portfolio.

'Look, Steph, I can tell you everything but you cannot tell anyone about this, alright?'

'Okay.'

'But not now. I would like for you to please hand that book back to me, thank you.'

Stephanie closed the book and handed it to me. She then put her hands on my shoulders, eagerness in her eyes. I know that look. Nothing good ever comes from that look.

'Logie, you have to help me out. You have to be part of the main cast in the movie!'

'What movie?'

'The movie I'm directing with Thomas Watts! You are perfect for that role! I'm serious!'

'What? No! I can't act, Stephanie. No.'

'But you've modeled before.'

'Yeah, but modeling is different from acting. Just in case you forget, I pose for still pictures.'

'You've done at least one commercial before, haven't you?'

'Yes, but-'

'Okay, that's it! You're coming along! I'm calling Watts now to tell him I found the right guy for the role.'

'What? No, you can't do that!'

'Why not? Come on, Logie. Please, just this one time. I've been looking for the right guy to play this role for four days now and you came at the right time! At least come with me to see how it turns out. If it's not to your liking, you can leave anytime you want. I promise.'

I sighed and thought about it. I was reluctant to accept her offer. I was never quite confident in front of the camera, be it for pictures or commercials although I've been told that I've improved. Not only that but I've been working my ass off in front of the camera for the past few weeks. I want a break. But then again, I always let the kinder side of me get to me. And since I didn't plan on doing anything when I'm back in Minnesota, I could use this film project to occupy my time so that I won't have the time to think about _him. _I reluctantly accept Stephanie's offer to star in her movie. She was over the moon.

I may have retired from modeling, but it seems like I have not retired from working in front of the camera just yet.

The next day, I went to the film set with Stephanie and she introduced me to the director, Thomas Watts. He gave me a script to read. The plot of the independent film goes something like this: four ordinary boys from Minnesota get the chance of a lifetime to make it big in LA as a singing group. The film will document their misadventures along the way and will end with their first major concert. I was assigned the role of Logan Henderson, one of the four boys. The other three boys were Jesse Pena who plays Jesse Garcia, Bryan Jones who plays Bryan Maslow and Donovan Schmidt who plays Donovan Hansen. I met all of them on set that day and they seem to be really nice people. Although this was not how I planned to spend my time, I guess there's no harm in trying new things. So yes, it's time for me to face the camera once again.

When production finally started about two weeks later, mom and dad had gone for vacation in the Bahamas. They didn't say how long they will be away but they told me to try my best to help Stephanie out. They entrusted the house to me and Stephanie. I can tell that Stephanie was excited to be able to have the whole house to herself judging by the look on her face but I'm not about to let her have it her way. Before they left, Stephanie managed to get hold of her cousin from her mother's side, Tyler, who lives in Minnesota, and cast him in an important supporting role. To make things more convenient, Stephanie suggested that Tyler come live with us until production on the movie wrapped. Tyler's mom was more than enthusiastic about letting him stay with us in our house because she's obsessed with Tyler becoming famous; she believed that Tyler was born to be a star although Tyler didn't quite see it that way. All Tyler wanted to do was to be a kid. But in the end, Stephanie managed to settle her casting problems, I got a way to occupy my time and not think of _him _and Tyler still can't say no to Stephanie and his mom. So that's how the three of us ended up living together under one roof.

* * *

'Everyone ready to go? Here are you call sheets for today.' Stephanie handed me and Tyler our call sheets. We will be shooting quite a number of scenes today, starting with the opening scene for the movie and ending with a bowling game involving Tyler's character. I drove us to the film set.

When we arrived on the set, the production crew were there setting up their equipments and so were the people from wardrobe, hair and makeup. Watts was not here yet. He usually arrives once everything has been set up, just in time. Stephanie did her round check while Tyler and I went over to wardrobe to try on some clothes. While fitting, Donovan, Bryan and Jesse arrived and they came over to wardrobe as well. We chatted for a while before I proceed to hair and makeup to get my hair and makeup done.

I'm not gonna lie. This whole experience reminded me of my modeling days. Costume fitting, getting my hair fixed, putting makeup on…all this was what I used to do not so long ago. I thought I would bid goodbye to this kind of life forever, but look at where I'm at now?

'Action!' Watts yelled from his seat.

Donovan, Jesse, Bryan and I ran as a throng of girls, extras scouted by none other than Stephanie, came chasing after us. All the girls screamed and shout some inaudible words while we continue running for dear life. This was the opening scene for the movie, where the four boys were chased by a group of girls after upsetting them. If there's one thing I learn when I was modeling that I can apply here, it will be I always have to be conscious of my facial expression. I had to be alert and present the whole time the camera is rolling. I guessed I did a good job but that is to be decided by Watts.

Eventually, the four of us came to a dead end. The girls eyed us like hungry tigers ready to pounce on us. This was a cue for us to start speaking our lines.

'This is what it's gonna be like when I'm famous…only the girls won't be trying to kill me.' Bryan said. Bryan was portrayed as the pretty boy out of the four boys. He was also the one with the pop star dream.

The pack of girls was advancing toward us, their eyes filled with rage. Damn, they are good!

'Time out!' Donovan yelled. The girls stopped short in their tracks immediately after. 'Jesse, give Bryan the helmet. We gotta protect the face.' Donovan continued. Donovan was portrayed as the leader of the boys while Jesse was the childish one who always wears a helmet for no apparent reason.

'Right!' Jesse took off his helmet and handed it to Bryan, who put it on immediately.

'I love you guys.' Bryan said.

'Okay…time in!' Donovan said.

'I gotta get new friends!' I said and all of us braced ourselves for the girls' attacks.

The girls crowded around us and 'attacked' us. Although the attack was fake, the camera was still on us and we had to keep our facial expressions on. We had to continue doing this until the director orders us to stop.

'CUT! Good take! Everybody prepare for the next scene in five minutes. Logan, good job on the expression!' Watts called out.

Wow, this was the fifth or sixth time Watts had praised me during the past few weeks we were filming this. I had always wanted to be a doctor but it didn't quite work out for me; I was once a model and though I've come to appreciate and enjoy modeling, I'm still self-conscious sometimes when I think about it because I just cannot see myself as a model; although I'm acting in an independent movie now, it's obvious that I'm not an actor but Watts had been praising me a lot of times. Although it makes me feel good, it also made me feel uncomfortable sometimes. I laughed nervously and blushed a little. I expected my co-stars to eye me in a certain manner but they seem to be genuinely happy for me when Watts threw his praise on me. Before I let my self-consciousness catch up to me, I went over to wardrobe to change into the clothes for the next scene.

* * *

After shooting seven scenes for the whole morning, it was time for lunch break. Before we took our break, Watts announced that there will be a special guest joining us on set after the lunch break. That guest will be shooting a few scenes with us because he or she will have a special appearance in the movie. He didn't mention who but we were all curious.

'You have any idea who is that special guest?' I asked Stephanie, taking a bite from my chicken Panini.

This was one of the rare times I get to eat together with Stephanie because she's usually busy during lunch break, having to check up on everything and make sure that everything is in order before she can eat. Tyler will never eat with Stephanie because he has had enough of her at home.

'Nope. Nobody knows, not even me. Watts had been really secretive about it.' Stephanie said, forking some salad.

'That secretive, huh?'

'Mm-hmm…'

We continued to eat and chat about other things when Watts came walking in and clapped his hands to grab our attention. All of us looked at him. He had the biggest smile on his face. He was about to make an announcement.

'Guys, please welcome….'

Watts' voice became inaudible to me. I froze in my spot when I saw who the special guest was. What was he doing here? My lips went dry and my eyes widened. All sorts of emotions and thoughts course through me and I don't know how exactly I felt at that moment.

It was _him_. It was _Kendall_.

* * *

**A/N: Hey you awesome people out there! How you doing? :D  
**

**So what took me so long to update this? Well, what else? Writer's block! It sucks to have writer's block! I wrote and rewrote this chapter several times, trying different settings but everything I do don't seem to go well. Until I wrote this and it just flow out from my mind just like that. But...I'm really paranoid and I have a feeling that you guys may hate it! I don't know but do R&R and tell me! Do you think this was the worst chapter I've ever written?**

**Also, I apologize for the grammar mistakes and horrible sentence structures. I'll try to do better next time! :)**

**p/s: Who was your favorite cameo here? Stephanie or Tyler? Let me know! :D and this may be the most obvious question i'll ever ask but i still have to ask, did you get a deja vu feeling with the movie scene and the cast members' names? ;)**

**pps: Thanks Anon (guest reviewer) for your constructive criticism! I'll try to work on that but do you mind telling me what I can improve on? Because I really do wanna improve on my writing. :) Oh and Manuel, deary, I'm not being cruel but I can't see this as a 40 chapter story, can you? But you just gave me an idea and I will start working on something within that length soon. Stay tuned.**

**Bye everyone! Love you! :-***


	18. Can we talk? About us?

Our eyes locked as Watts continued to blabber on about Kendall. I tried to look away but the eye contact almost felt magnetic. I couldn't help but keep staring into those green eyes. At that moment, it felt like all space and time had stopped and we were the only ones there at the set. Kendall doesn't seem to look away, too. He was looking at me and...smiling? He was smiling...at me? I don't know. But what I know is that we can't take our eyes off each other.

'...and also the most recent episode of Australia's Next Top Model, which also recorded its highest ratings ever thanks to this fine, young man here!' Watts patted Kendall on the back, who turned to smile at the other cast members, breaking our eye contact. If it's my attention that Watts want, he had it. 'So, he is the most suitable candidate for your photo shoot scene later.' Watts continued.

Watts continued talking but Stephanie and I were not really listening. We were too distracted by Kendall's appearance but for very different reasons.

'Oh my God! Logie, he's so hot!' Stephanie said in a soft but excited voice.

'Hmm...' I managed.

'Hmm? What do you mean hmm? He's _THE Kendall_! Is that the best you can do?' Stephanie sounded irritated now.

Wait a minute..._THE Kendall_? I remember something like that. When was the last time I heard someone using that?

Oh my God, no. Fuck no! What is he doing now? He's walking over here. Shit!

'He's coming our way! What am I going to do? Logan, do I look good?' Stephanie took out her compact mirror she always carries with her and checked herself out.

'Stephanie, calm down. It's not like he's going to ask you out on a date.' I said.

'Oh, but what if he does? I really should have worn that black crop top to work.' Stephanie lamented. I rolled my eyes.

'Hi, Logan.'

I froze. I slowly turned my head to the voice. Yes, Kendall's voice. The way he said my name...there's something about that voice. _I miss that voice._

'Hey...' I managed after a few seconds.

Stephanie shot up to her feet and looked at Kendall, then back at me, then back to Kendall again and back to me. Her eyes were wide as saucers.

'Holy...you guys know each other?' Stephanie asked.

'Yes.' I said.

'How?'

'We were from the same modeling agency.' Kendall said, the smile still on his face and his eyes still on me.

'Modeling agency? Rocque Models? Oh my God! Logie, why didn't you tell me this?'

'Steph, do I need to?' I stood up and rolled my eyes.

'I mean, holy cow, Kendall, alpha male model, _THE Kendall_!' Stephanie's eyes continued to grow wide with amazement while Kendall chuckled. Somebody needs to tell this fangirl to calm her tits.

'So, you must be Stephanie?' Kendall asked, directing the question to Stephanie.

'Oh my God! You know my name? Oh of course, Watts must have told you about me. Yes, I'm Stephanie King, intern at Multicosmic Entertainment and assistant director to Thomas Watts. Can I like give you a hug instead of a handshake?' Stephanie continued her fangirl streak. Holy cow, this is going to take a long time.

'Sure.' Kendall smiled and welcomed Stephanie into his arms. Girl sure seemed to enjoy it. It looks like she didn't wanna let go.

'And how do you know each other?' Kendall asked once they pulled out of the hug after what seems like forever.

'Stephanie's my cousin...kinda...' I shrugged.

'Yeah, my uncle or his dad, stepfather is my dad's elder brother. We are related in that way.' Stephanie said.

'I see.' Kendall said, nodding his head.

'STEPHANIE! WHERE IS THE COCKTAIL GUY? AND WHERE'S MY MOTHER'S FAVORITE VASE FOR THE NEXT SCENE? BRING A NEW PAIR OF SOCKS FOR DONOVAN WHILE YOU'RE AT IT!' The yell had a British accent to it. There was only one British on set and obviously that voice belonged to Watts.

'OKAY, I'M COMING, WATTS!' Stephanie yelled back and groaned. 'I'll catch you later, Kendall. Watts always bosses me around.' Kendall chuckled as Stephanie rolled her eyes and left the two of us alone.

Silence. We were silent for a while, but somehow it was not uncomfortable silence. All I could do was stay in my position as I don't know what to say to Kendall. Just when I wanted to excuse myself to go film my next scene, Kendall stepped forward and grabbed hold of my hand. His touch felt like electric currents coursing through my body. It made me jolt.

'So...how have you been?' Kendall asked, that smile never once leaving his face.

'I'm...good. What are you doing here?' I asked.

'Isn't it obvious that I'm here to shoot a movie with you guys?' Kendall chuckled. God, that chuckle. I miss it, too.

'But what brings you here? Shouldn't you be busy doing a photo shoot somewhere instead of filming a movie?'

'Well, the truth is...I left Rocque.' Kendall's expression became somber. What the heck? Now, my eyes were like Stephanie's when she found out that Kendall and I knew each other.

'What? I...I don't think I heard -'

'Yes, you did.'

'Why would you do that?'

'Why not? I've been with them for the past six years and have been nothing but busy, busy, busy all the time. I just thought I could use some time alone. I told Gustavo firmly that I will not renew my contract, even if he just agree to take ten percent from my earnings.'

'How long has it been?'

'One month. I'm freelancing now so I can do whatever I like whenever I want to. Free as a bird.' Kendall chuckled again. Gosh, please stop being cute, _THE Kendall!_

I blushed when I thought of how I miss him and the little things he do that makes me die a little inside. But, this is wrong. It's not right for me to miss him, right? I mean, it's not like we're together anymore. Who am I to him now anyway?

'That's...that's nice. Good to hear...good for you.' I gave him a weak smile. Then, I realized something. Kendall hasn't let go of my hand. I looked at my hand, then back to him, sending him a signal that it was time to let go. But, he didn't let go. Either he didn't get it or he chose to willfully ignore the message I was trying to send to him.

'Logan, can...can we talk? About us?' Kendall looked a little more serious than before. The uncomfortable feeling start to set in. I didn't like this feeling at all. I forcefully yanked my hand away. The atmosphere took an awkward turn. I bit my lip, thinking of ways to avoid the topic.

'Um...I don't think it's a good time now, Kendall. I should...go get ready now. See ya.' I said and walked past Kendall. _Think about something else! Think about the movie! Get him off your mind! _I chanted in my head.

'Wait!' Kendall called out. I turned back. 'Can we at least grab a drink or something? Later after the shoot wraps? For old time's sake.'

I think over his suggestion. What should I do? Should I accept or reject his invitation? _Even though we didn't work out before, he's still my friend, right? Like how he puts it, old time's sake. And there's nothing wrong with two friends going out for a meal or drink together!_

'We'll see.' I shot him a brief smile before I left for wardrobe to try on the clothes for the next scene. I'm still weighing my options.

* * *

'CUT! That's a wrap! Good job, Tyler!' Watts called out from his director seat.

All of us - Jesse, Bryan, Donovan and I - highfived Tyler as he managed to complete the final scene for the day in one perfect take. Maybe his mom was right after all; Tyler was born to be a star.

But, to be honest, I would rather Tyler screw up and end up having more takes so that he could drag filming time. In that way, we would get off set a little later at night and maybe Kendall will not be interested to hang out anymore. But damn, I should have known that Kendall was one hell of a persistent guy. We had three scenes with Kendall on set. There was the scene of his introduction by the record producer, the scene of him teaching us how to pose for photo shoots and finally the scene where the boy band had their first photo shoot with Kendall (Kendall appears as himself in the movie and will be credited as such). After we were done shooting the scenes with him, he was actually free to leave but he chose to stay, 'to observe and to give advise whenever necessary' according to him, whatever that meant.

When we were filming the scene where Kendall taught us how to pose, he had to guide every individual in the group. I was the last in line and when he came to me, I was supposed to say something but my mind went blank. I was nervous for God-knows-why and delivered gibberish instead of the actual lines. But in the end, we managed to finish filming the scene in three takes. When it was time to film the photo shoot scene with Kendall, Watts arranged the lineup in this manner: Jesse, me, Kendall, Bryan and Donovan. I wanted to request Watts to let me and either Jesse or Donovan swap places but I know he wouldn't like it. Furthermore, if I do that, it may raise their curiosity as to why I want to avoid Kendall, not forgetting that I actually acted weird around him when the camera was on us earlier on. In a nutshell, the time spent filming with Kendall seemed to drag on forever. When we were finally done with him, I was more than relieved. However, I noticed something when Kendall was in my presence. I realized that I haven't really gave the whole breakup thing between us a serious thought. I haven't really deal with it in a proper manner. All I ever did was bury myself in work or look for more opportunities to make myself forget about him. On some days, I managed to do that. But other times, I still find myself thinking about Kendall. But now that he was here, I was thrown off track. I don't know how to face him.

'Logie! That was so good!' Kendall came up to me and gave me a hug, snapping me out of my thoughts. It was so sudden that I jumped.

'Uh...Kendall, too close.' I told him. _But isn't this what I want? To be close to him?_

'Right...sorry...' Kendall immediately pulled out of the embrace and looked down at his feet. He looked hurt. I was torn. I didn't mean to hurt him but at the same time I don't think it's right for him to do that. After all, what are we now anyway?

'It's okay...you don't have to be sorry.' I stretched out my hand, pausing for a moment before patting his arm awkwardly.

'Logan! Hi Kendall! Ready to go?' Stephanie asked, her eyes fixed on Kendall. Oh no, the fangirl is here again!

'Log -' Kendall started.

'Steph, actually Kendall and I are going to get something to eat- '

'Oh, that's perfect! I'm starving anyway!'

'No, Steph, you are not invited.'

'WHAT?' Stephanie screamed on top of her lungs. It was so piercing it almost made me deaf.

'Yes, you heard me.'

'But why can't I come along? Please, Logan, please!'

'I'm sorry, Stephanie but you can't. I have some...catching up to do with Kendall.' I looked to Kendall, who looked rather amused.

'You guys can catch up even if I'm around, right?'

'I'm afraid that's not possible. You're a bit of a distraction, you know?'

'FINE! But...before you go, can I at least have an autograph?' Stephanie held out a notepad and a pen to Kendall, flashing her pearly whites. Now, where did those come from?

'Of course.' Kendall chuckled and autographed Stephanie's notepad.

'Oh my God! This is so cool! I have _THE Kendall's_ autograph! I can't believe it!' Kendall laughed out lout. I rolled my eyes at Stephanie. Congratulations, Stephanie King. You just reached a whole new level of fangirling.

After making sure that everything was still in proper condition, Stephanie wrote something down in her clipboard and we left the set. Usually on the way back, there were only me, Stephanie and Tyler. But today, we had a special guest with us, none other than _THE Kendall_ himself. Stephanie and Kendall were at the backseat, with Stephanie chatting up Kendall excitedly. I got a little annoyed with Stephanie fangirling over Kendall. Talking to Tyler was not much help either since Stephanie's voice and especially her laugh was kinda loud. _Are you actually jealous that Stephanie and Kendall are talking and laughing together and you're not? You wish you were the one sitting next to Kendall, right? _Maybe...but not now. I don't wanna get into any trouble on the road.

When we pulled up in front of my house, Stephanie begged one last time to join me and Kendall. Of course, I won't let her. She snapped at me again but asked Kendall to give her a peck on her cheek. Oh God, Stephanie King! You're acting like a fucking crazed fan now!

'Take good care of the house and Tyler!' I called out when Stephanie and Tyler alighted the car.

'Don't worry, I won't!' Stephanie shouted back, sticking her tongue out at me. I did the same before driving away with Kendall now at the passenger side.

'She's funny, huh?' Kendall said when I wind up the window.

'Funny? She's insane! God, I can't stand her sometimes. Try living with her for a day and not go crazy. If you can do it, then I have all the respect in the world for you!' I spew out. God, it felt nice to say that!

'But don't you think she adds a lot more life into the things you do?'

'Well, there's no denying that.'

Kendall was right. Even though Stephanie's a little mental, she is the life of the party. Somehow, she reminded me of Carlos. Oh Carlos, how have you been? I miss you so much. And...did I just had verbal diarrhea? With Kendall? Oh my, seriously now...what is Kendall going to think about me? That I have the intention of asking him back by talking this much to him? God, I can't think straight! I decided to stop thinking about it and ask Kendall a more relevant question.

'So, what do you wanna eat?' I asked.

'Up to you. It's on me.'

'No, it's on me.'

'What? No, it's on me.'

'In case you forgot, I was quite a bankable Rocque model too. I earn just as much as you do and this is my turf so back off.'

Kendall chuckled. I turned to look at him and he was looking at me, too. His chuckle died down and it turned into a smile. I realized what I just said and this was how we usually talk when we were together in the past. I blushed and quickly turn my attention back on the road. Fuck! How can I forget? I'm not supposed to use this kind of approach anymore when I'm talking to him.

'Logie, you're still as cute as ever...' Kendall slurred. I stepped on the brake of the car and we both jolted forward. What the fuck did he just say? God no!

'Kendall, no talking until we reach the destination.'

'Okay, sorry.'

* * *

In the end, I decided to stop at a burger joint after driving for about twenty minutes, thinking of what to eat. We ordered two cheeseburgers with extra fries and large Cokes. We decided to eat at the nearest park since it was too noisy in the joint to have a conversation. We sat at the bench and ate our food. But that was the only thing we did, eating. The situation grew increasingly awkward and I don't know if I should initiate a conversation.

'You're not gonna just sit there and eat, without talking to me, are you?' Kendall teased.

'What if that's my intention?' Shit! Not again! I committed the same mistake for God-knows how many times now!

'You still like to tease me, huh?'

I blushed. Oh no! I didn't mean to tease him but I can't help it.

'Kendall, I didn't mean to do that. I'm sorry.'

'Why are you sorry? You have nothing to be sorry for.'

'Never mind. Anyway, why are you here? You're not stalking me, are you?' Not again! Maybe I should stop talking and finish my burger and just drive home. Why did I even take up his offer? I gave myself a mental facepalm.

Kendall laughed out loud. 'Well, what if I did?'

My eyes grew wide. He cannot be serious, can he?

'I'm kidding. You see, after I left Rocque, job offers swarmed around me. One of them came in the form of a movie script. I don't think there's a need for me to tell you which script it is. Anyway, I studied the script and I like the idea. But there's more to that and it's because one of the character shares the same name as you, even the same personality. So I decided to give it a shot.'

I snorted. 'You can't be serious, Kendall. Accepting a movie role just because someone in there shares my name and personality?'

'Why not?'

'It's stupid if you ask me.'

'It's not stupid. Besides, it reminds me a lot of you. And I...I miss you...'

I stopped munching on my burger, suddenly losing my appetite. Kendall miss me? For real? So, this is not a one-sided feeling? But wait, this is impossible. Why would Kendall miss me? I cheated on him after all, or that's what he chose to believe. So, in a way, there is no way he would miss a cheater like me. I didn't know what to do or what to say. All I did was look at the burger and the extra fries before me.

'Logan?' Kendall reached out and touched my hand. I retracted as soon as he touched me.

'Kendall, we- no, I should...go...' I stood up and wanted to leave but Kendall stopped me.

'Logan, wait. Please stay, please. Can we talk? Please?'

I sighed and nodded.

'Logan, are you still mad at me?' Kendall asked. I was surprised at his question. Why would he ask me something like that?

'Why would I be mad at you?'

'Because I didn't believe you about the whole situation with James.'

'I...Kendall, to be honest, I don't know how to feel. I'm not sure if I should be mad at you or be mad at myself or at James but...I don't know...I'm confused. After we broke up, I haven't really give a serious thought about it. I didn't know how to deal with it. I feel so lost.'

When I said the word broke up, it tore me up inside. It kills me so much to say that word. The memory of the days spent without hearing Kendall's voice and without his touch came back to me. The pain was overbearing and I started to sob as I recall how hard it was.

Kendall pulled me into a hug. For a moment there, I was lost in his embrace. I miss this feeling so much. I miss Kendall's protective hold, the bodily contact we shared, the moments we had...everything we ever did together, I miss each and every single one of them. But this is wrong. We are not supposed to act like this anymore. With all my might, I pushed Kendall away. Kendall looked confused.

'Kendall, we can't.'

'Why?'

'We're not supposed to.'

'Logan, look, I'm really sorry. I didn't know that you've been through so much and I let my anger make the decision for me. I shouldn't have acted that way -'

'Wait, what do you mean you didn't know I've been through so much?' I cut Kendall off before he can say another word.

'Carlos told me everything.'

'What did Carlos tell you?'

'Your past.'

My mouth fell agape. My past...my secret...Carlos...how could you, Carlos? I trusted you. I thought you will keep this secret, secret. But what have you done? Why did you have to tell it out? And of all people, Kendall? Why? I felt hurt and betrayed.

'Logan-' Kendall put his hand on my shoulder but I swatted it away.

'Don't touch me!' I hissed, my eyes filled with tears of hurt and disappointment.

'Logan, please -'

'Fuck this! Fuck everything! Fuck all of you! Carlos...I can't believe it! I thought you were my best friend!' I yelled.

'Logan, it's not what you think it is. Carlos told me because -'

'So that I can look like a cheap slut to you, right? Guess what, Kendall Knight? I am a fucking cheap slut! And you wonder why I cheat on you with James? Because I'm a fucking whore! I'm a fucking slut!'

I started to hyperventilate. My panic attack was about to start again. _You're nothing but a slut! How does it feel? You like that, don't you? Little bitch! Ride that whore!_ Those words...they were words used by the two kidnappers. It was replaying in my mind. I can't breathe, I was gasping for air desperately. I need to get out of here quick. But Kendall wrapped his body tightly around mine. I struggled to let go but he wouldn't let go. His grip seemed to tighten every time I struggled.

'Fuck! Let me go!' I screamed. Hot tears were streaming down my cheeks. I couldn't believe what Carlos just did. Why would he do something like this?

'I'm not letting go! I will never let go of you again, Logan!'

'Let go of me, Kendall! I'm nothing but a fucking slut! I'm used goods! I'll never be anything to you anymore!'

'No! You're not any of those! Please, Logan. You're everything to me. I love you, I do. I realize that I can't live without you. Please, Logan. Please believe me.'

I gave up struggling and continued to cry in Kendall's chest. Eventually, I sunk to the ground. I covered my face with my hands as more tears come out of my eyes. The secret, the dark secret that I've avoid telling Kendall for so long is finally out. And it came out of my best friend's mouth! I can't accept any of it! Why would he do that to me? I felt so vulnerable now. It's as if I'm now standing butt naked for the world to see.

'Logan...' I felt Kendall holding me. There was really no point in fighting him since he won't let go so I just let him be. 'I'm sorry...I'm so sorry...give me another chance, please?'

'Go away, Kendall...I'm not worth it. You deserve someone better.' I continued to sob.

'Logan, look at me.'

I refused to comply.

'Logie, please look at me.' Kendall removed my hands from my face and wiped away the tears from my face.

'What do you want?' I sound terrible when I sob.

'Logie, I'm sorry that I was being a dick to you. I know better than to believe what James had to say but I was stupid enough to fall for his lies. I know I've hurt you deeply when I wouldn't talk to you or hold you. That's because...because I was confused too. I don't know how to handle any of it because everything happened too fast. When we broke up, I was devastated. But when you left, it felt like my world just crumbled. I wished it was all just a bad dream that I can wake up from but every morning I wake up to find you missing, it kills me. It was then that I realize that I love you and I need you, so much. I couldn't stand not talking to you or hearing your voice or having physical contact with you yet at the same time I'm afraid. I'm afraid you will reject me, Logan. If it wasn't for Carlos, I wouldn't know what happened to you in the past. What he told me opened my eyes, it helped me understand a lot of the things I didn't before about you. If you wanna blame anyone, please blame it on me. Don't blame Carlos. He was just trying to help. Furthermore, I don't care what happened in the past. It was all in the past. We don't need it to define our future.'

'Carlos...' I covered my mouth with my hand. 'What have I done? How could I think of my best friend that way?' Tears of regret now started to trickle down my cheeks. 'I'm being a dickhead. I don't deserve any of your kindness. Not yours and definitely not Carlos'. How can...'

'Logan, please don't cry anymore. It's natural that you feel like Carlos betrayed you but believe me, he didn't. He only wanted to help bring us back together. He told me he can't bear to see his best friend leaving with a broken heart.'

'So, he told you he knows about what we were before, too?'

'Yes and I have something to confess. Actually, I lied when I said that I had a job offer for a movie role. I didn't receive any offers of that sort. It was Carlos who accepted the job for me on my behalf.'

'What? I don't understand.'

We got to our feet slowly, with Kendall supporting me as I got up.

'Remember you told Carlos you were preparing for a movie role?'

Oh yes. Even though I don't see Carlos anymore, I still keep in touch with him. When I accepted Stephanie's offer to act in the movie, I told Carlos about it and I asked him for advice on what to do. I still remember him telling me to act as though I was filming a commercial, only this time, it's not a 60-second commercial but a two hours commercial. So, he must have used what little information I divulged to secure a role for Kendall.

'Yeah...he did that...to bring us back together?'

'Yes. And may I add that Carlos is efficient or should I say, his agent is efficient. His agent found out about this movie in a day's time and in another four days' time I got the role.'

Now, I didn't know that Carlos had such an efficient agent. I'm impressed.

'Logan, I'm serious about you and I'm serious about us. Can you ever forgive me and give me another chance?'

'Kendall...' What should I say? I was lost for words. 'Kendall, to be honest with you, several weeks after we broke up, I dashed all hopes of us getting back together. I tried my hardest not to think about it, I tried my hardest to not touch this subject and I tried my hardest to not think about you. But every now and then, I still find myself thinking about you. I guess I'm just a little too not over you.'

'So, what you're trying to say is...'

'Kendall, I forgive you. In fact, I've forgiven you a long time ago but I'm not sure if I can be with you again.'

Kendall furrowed his eyebrows. He looked hurt. And that was definitely not my intention.

'Kendall, a lot has happened since the breakup and me coming back here. I need some time to sort myself out. So, I don't think I'm ready yet.'

Kendall's hurt expression slowly soften and changed into a smile.

'I understand, Logan. I don't want to force you, either. But no matter what, I will always wait for you. For real, I'm serious.' Kendall added the last two lines with extra vigor. I can't help but laugh.

'Well...let's get you home. Where you staying at, anyway?' I asked.

'Well, you see, actually...I thought of crashing at yours.' Kendall said sheepishly.

'What? No! You can't be serious!'

'Why? I can't? You think I'm being a nuisance-'

'No, no, no, that's not what I meant, Kendall. But you've given me such short notice that I don't know...ugh, and I have Stephanie and Tyler at home. I'm afraid you'll find the three of us to be a nuisance!'

'Of course not! I'm more than happy to have a place to stay! So...can I?'

'Hmm...you can but you're sleeping with Tyler, okay? All the guest rooms are full but there's still some space left in Tyler's room.'

'Why can't I sleep with you?' Kendall pouted. Oh man, I felt so bad.

'Kendall...'

'I was just playing with you!' Kendall forced me into a playful chokehold. 'But in all seriousness...can I...hold your hand, at least?'

I did what he wanted. I held both of our hands up and intertwined our fingers. Kendall looked a little surprised.

'What? Isn't this what you wanted? Or do you want me to let go?'

'No way am I letting you get away now! Let's go!'

We laughed and walked to the car hand in hand. This was such an eventful day. And even though I doubted Carlos for a while back there, it proved that I was right about him all along. He was the best friend ever. He's my best friend. Period. _Carlos, thank you so much! I love you so much and miss you so much too! I wish you nothing but the best._

* * *

**A/N: Hi you awesome people out there! So, do you like this chapter? Do you like how Stephanie was portrayed? Or you think there is a better way to portray her? What about Kendall and Logan? Will they finally get to be together again or will something else come up to destroy their relationship once more? R&R and tell me! :D**_  
_

**The next one or two chapters will be the last. So that means this story is slowly but surely coming to an end, officially. Manuel dear, I'm sorry that your wish of 39 chapters will not materialize here but like I said before, I'm working on something new. I can't say what it is yet but once it's out, you will know. And I mean every single one of you awesome followers, fav-ers (this word doesn't exist :P ), reviewers. Without your love and support, this story wouldn't have come this far. So, a big thank you to all of you and I'll see you soon! Love and peace out! :)**

**p/s: useless trivia: this is the longest chapter written in the shortest time! YAY! :P**


	19. To prêt-à-porter

'Hold it, hold it...yes. Last frame. Okay, we got the shot!' The photographer, Matt, shouted from his position.

'Thank you.' Donovan, Jesse, Bryan and I shouted back.

In the blink of an eye, another two and a half months had passed. Filming for the independent movie had wrapped and was now in the post-production stage. All that was left to do was marketing and promotion of the movie. Stephanie was tasked with finding a photographer for the promotional shoot. Watts specifically requested for one that was within the budget and capable of shooting the 'stars of tomorrow'. Cliche, I know. Stephanie managed to get hold of a local, kickass photographer that was within the limited budget of the film with the unauthorized help of my model portfolio. Well, to cut to the chase, she sneaked into my room three days before she got Matt to help, stole my portfolio, went all over town with it searching for photographers until she found Matt, an up and coming fashion photographer and then returned the portfolio to me personally once she was done. I was pissed as hell that she took my portfolio without my permission but if my portfolio got us a promising photographer who can get the job done, I guess that's acceptable.

'You haven't lost your touch.' Kendall gave me a surprise hug from behind when I went over to wardrobe to get changed.

'Thanks!' I removed his hands from my waist and turned around to stare into his green eyes. 'But if you don't mind, I need to get changed.'

'Can I help?' Kendall had a mischievous smirk on his face. Darn it, he looks cute with that smirk! And the way he said it, I can't help but blush.

'Well...no. I'm good, thank you. I'll see you in a bit.' I gave Kendall an awkward smile. Kendall chuckled. Damn, he just had to make me feel embarrassed! I took the clothes that I wanted to wear and hurried to the changing stall to get changed, partly also to avoid embarrassing myself any further.

When I came out of the stall, I saw Kendall flipping through a black file. From the look of it, I can tell it's a portfolio. But it was not a model's portfolio, it belonged to a photographer. It was Matt's body of work as a photographer. Matt and Kendall were chatting excitedly about the pictures and I can feel the longing in Kendall's eyes to be back in the modeling world. I bit my lower lip, feeling slightly guilty.

Kendall didn't have to quit his calling, his passion, his world. _For me._

* * *

It was Kendall's fourth day in Minnesota. The cast of the movie had the day off courtesy of Watts. But the crew, Stephanie included, were required to attend an important meeting with the financing production company to show them a rough edit of the film. Tyler's mom came to pick him up for the day off so Kendall and I had the whole house to ourselves. Although I welcome Kendall to stay for as long as he want and I really do enjoy having him around, I know this won't last long. So, I decided to ask him the most obvious question any visitor can expect during our homemade lunch (Kendall helped me to prepare them but he wasn't very good at cooking; two salmon fillets were overcooked and the eggs turned out too salty).

'When are you leaving?' I asked, taking a bite from one of the overcooked fillet. It was nasty.

'I'm leaving whenever you are leaving.' Kendall shrugged. 'Oh damn! How can you stomach this?' Kendall spat out the overly salted eggs. I burst out laughing.

'Well, I couldn't but I don't like to waste food and I definitely don't wanna waste your effort. So even though this salmon is a little overcooked and this egg is salty as hell, I will still eat it.' I smirked.

'Well, I guess you will have to put up with it for a while.' Kendall chuckled.

'Um...Kendall, your answer to my question...' I prompted.

'Logie, what I wanted to say is I will be in Minnesota as long as you are here. Even if you leave, I will follow you.' Kendall reached out his hand from across the table and touched mine. The same electric shock I got from days before when he touched me for God-knows-how-long hit me once again.

'B-But S-Stephanie and Tyler will be here for a while...' I stuttered, still recovering from the shock and my mind ran out of words.

'I know but I'm fine with it.' Kendall smiled.

'It's no that.' I said after fully recovering from the shock and words started to flow naturally from my mind again. 'I mean, what about modeling? You can't just stick around here doing nothing!'

'What about modeling? I can do other things to help pay my part of the bill if that's what you mean. Actually, no I don't have to. I have enough to last me for a good few years.'

'No, Kendall. That's not what I'm talking about.' It was my time to take his hand in mine this time. I miss the familiarity of this feeling but the touch is secondary to more important matters here. 'I know you like, no, LOVE, modeling. When you said you left Rocque, you looked sad. You didn't want to leave, right?'

Kendall cast his eyes down, looking at the screwed up salty eggs in his plate. The sadness in his eyes says it all. He still wanted to be a model. He has been doing this since forever so how can he just quit now?

'Logan, the truth is, yes I left Rocque with a heavy heart. But it's not because of the agency although I have to say they were the best agency I've ever signed with since I started modeling. It's modeling that I miss. I feel alive, free and in control when I'm in front of the camera. I love it, every part of it. But, I'm willing to give that all up...just for you.' Kendall said with a weak smile.

For some reason, I kinda had the feeling that this will come out of his mouth. But this is not how I want it to be. I want Kendall to be happy, too. He should go out and pursue his dreams. It's not fair for him to just walk away from an industry that loves him to death now. And I mean now, when he is actually the world's top alpha male model at the moment.

'Please, Kendall, don't do this for me. It's not fair-'

Kendall got up from his seat, came over to my side and put his arms around my neck, embracing me. This bodily contact was so sudden it took me by surprise. The whole thing was a little gawky, too, as I was sitting on the bar stool while he was standing.

'Logan, no matter what I do, I just wanna be with you. Yes, I can be the world's top male model for all I care but if I don't have you by my side, it's meaningless to me. I don't wanna be away from you ever again.'

I pulled out of the hug and Kendall dropped his hands to my waist. I stretched out my hand awkwardly for a second before putting it on his face, stroking his cheeks.

'Kendall, it's not your time to go yet. The industry needs you, more than I-'

'NO! DON'T SAY IT! Please...Logan...please don't say it...' Kendall's voice was slightly raised. I flinched and removed my hand from his face.

Kendall lift up his left hand to pinch the bridge of his nose, his eyes closed and his right hand still attached to my waist. His face turned a little red and I know he was about to cry. I don't want to see Kendall crying. It hurt me to see him cry. When he reopened his eyes, they were a little red and a tear trickled down his cheek.

'Kendall...please don't cry. Look, I'm sorry, okay? What can I do to make you feel better?' I said, wiping the tears away from his face.

'Just let me hold you...' Kendall pulled me into his warm embrace, his voice almost a whisper. My heart broke when I heard his cracked voice. I wrapped my arms around his waist, resting my head on his chest, taking in his scent. God, I miss his scent. 'Can we don't talk about this anymore...please?'

'Okay...we won't talk about this anymore if you don't want to.'

_But just because we won't talk about this, it doesn't mean that you and I won't think about it. I don't wanna stand in your way, Kendall. I won't let me stand in your way._

* * *

Right after the photo shoot, Watts led Stephanie and the crew to London. Watts insisted that the final editing of the film be completed in London after a much intense exchange of words with the financier (first hand information by Stephanie). Being the fangirl that she is, Stephanie wanted Kendall to go to the airport with her. During the time that Kendall stayed with us, Stephanie never ceased fangirling over him although she displayed the most extreme fangirl behavior during the first two weeks. While the fangirling had died down a little, she was still a fangirl nonetheless. I decided to tag along for fear that she might do something inappropriate in the airport. Even though she can be annoying sometime, I will miss Stephanie for sure. Now that production had wrapped, Tyler had moved back to his own home. So that means with Stephanie away for one to two weeks, Kendall and I will get to spend some time together.

My relationship with Kendall was slowly building up to say the least. When we reconciled, things were still a little awkward between us. But as time goes by, the awkwardness began to dissipate little by little. Although we were still recovering, we felt more at home and comfortable with each other now. And that explains why we were cuddling up to each other watching TV and engaging in small talks after a simple dinner. Still, there was an obvious hindrance in the progress of our relationship. Now that Stephanie and Tyler are not around, it was the perfect opportunity to get this out of the way with Kendall. It was an all or nothing bet. I don't mind losing because all that mattered now was that I tried.

'Kendall, can I talk to you?' I lifted up my head from his shoulder. Kendall looked amused.

'Aren't we talking now?'

'Well...it's something serious...'

'Why do I have the feeling that you want to talk to me about modeling?' Kendall frowned.

I switched off the TV to kill off any distraction. I grabbed hold of Kendall's hands as he shifted slightly in his seat. He sighed and looked away. This is going to be tough nut to crack.

'Okay, I-'

'Didn't we agree that we won't talk about this anymore?' Kendall turned to look at me. He sounded annoyed.

'There's a reason why I bring up this subject, Kendall. I don't want you to regret your decision.'

'Hell, I don't! I don't regret any of it! Are you happy now?' Kendall yelled.

I quickly withdrew my hands and expected Kendall to walk away. But he didn't. Instead, we sat there on the couch and we were both silent for a few minutes, each of us lost in our own thoughts.

'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell.' Kendall finally said.

'Kendall, I've thought about this long and hard...I will do whatever it takes for you to get back the joy that you lost. The reason why you have been modeling for so long and at the top of your game is because you have a real love and passion for it. I don't want you to regret and I most certainly don't want to see you faking your happiness everyday. And with me around, I'm not helping much. So maybe it's time for me to leave-'

'What? What are you talking about? No...no, Logan, you can't leave me. No!' Kendall pulled me into his embrace, begging me profusely not to leave him. His voice started to crack and I can feel his hot tears seeping into my shirt. 'Please...don't leave me, Logie. I can't lose you again. No...'

'Kendall...Kendall...look at me.' I pulled out of his embrace and took his hands in mine, the poor thing's green eyes filled with hurt and tears streaming down his cheeks. It broke my heart to see him cry. 'I'm not leaving you. What I want to say is maybe it's time for me to leave this place _together with you_, go out there and pursue your dreams of being a model.' I flashed him my crooked smile. Kendall's eyes widened.

'Log...But...No, you can't do that...'

'Is that so? Why can't I?'

'It's not fair to you...'

'Then, it's fair for you to give up what you like to do just for the sake of getting back together with me?'

'No, Logan, it's not like that. Yes, modeling has always been a dream of mine and I would choose it over anything any other day. I used to live for it and worked my way up to the top. But all that changed when you came into my life. All I ever want is to be with you. I can give up all that, anything, everything just to be with you.'

'Let me ask you this then. What was going through your mind when you looked at Matt's portfolio? I want an honest answer.'

'I see myself doing the shoot. I can do better than most of them but I have to give it some of them because I could have gone one step further in my career if only I took that step first.'

'You see? You still have that dream in you. It's not fair to you and it's not fair to the modeling industry if you quit now. There are a lot of things that you have yet to achieve, Kendall, so many things. I want you to achieve them. And...we're in this together.' I put a hand on Kendall's shoulder. Kendall furrowed his brows but his lips slowly creased into a smile.

'You will...you will do this with me?' Kendall asked.

'If you can give up your dream or even anything for me, then why can't I sacrifice a little for you?' I smiled.

'But...what can we do? Where can we go?'

'To get our foot back into the industry, we should update our portfolios, get some test shots done and stuff. Now that we're unrepresented, we can go anywhere we want. I was thinking of maybe Paris since the prêt-à-porter market is huge there and prêt-à-porter is one of the easiest way to get back into the business. So, I say to prêt-à-porter we go! But that's only a suggestion. We can always think of something else if it doesn't work out.'

'I think that's terrific! Logan, you're such a genius!'

'Stop making me blush!'

'I'm serious!' Kendall threw his arms around me and we were in each others' arms for a while. 'Can I tell you something?'

'What?' I asked.

'I love you, Logiebear.' Kendall said. For some reason, my heart swelled with joy when I heard that. How long has it been?

'I love you too, Kendizzle.' I said.

'What did you just called me?' Kendall looked at me, his eyes as wide as saucers. I couldn't quite tell his expression. Was he shocked? Was he happy? Was he paranoid?

'Kendiz...oh...Kendizzle...' I stare into blank space as I said that name. It was the nickname that I used to address Kendall by.

We looked into each others' eyes, a certain longing filled us. Kendall moved forward, his eyelids slowly lowering. I stayed in position and observed where Kendall was going with this. I closed my eyes when I felt Kendall's lips gently brush against mine. Both of us opened our eyes after the brief lip contact. There was no denying that we both want this, we both need this. Kendall placed one hand on my waist and another on the back of my head while I placed both hands on his waist. Our lips brushed against each other once again but this time we took it one step further. Before we know it, we were engaged in a deep and passionate kiss.

'So...what does this makes us now?' Kendall asked once we pull out of the kiss for some air.

'Well...' I laced my fingers with his. 'How does the word boyfriend sound like to you?'

'Hmm...I like the sound of it...'

'Yeah?'

'Uh-huh...'

'If that's the case...let's do what boyfriends do?'

'What do you mean?' Kendall raised an eyebrow.

'I want you to take me to my room, strip me and make love to me.'

'Logie, are you sure about this?'

'Yes, I'm sure.'

'We don't have to do that, you know. You don't have to force yourself-'

I pressed my lips against Kendall's and licked it. He opened up and our tongues met. I heard him moaning and so was I. This pleasure was not one-sided; it was mutual.

'What about now? Does it seem to you that I'm forcing myself?' I asked in a throaty voice.

Kendall smirked. He stood up and lifted me up from the couch, bridal style. I yelped as I was taken by surprise at his sudden movement but I welcomed it. We never once stopped kissing during the short journey to my room. I laid down on the bed, stripped, as an equally stripped Kendall lay on top of me.

'You ready, boyfriend?' Kendall teased.

'Ready whenever you are...boyfriend...'

* * *

**A/N: Hi you awesome people who are reading this! How do you like this chapter? Did I rush them getting back together or did I come to the rescue at the right time? LOL! R&R and tell me! :D **

**This is tentatively the penultimate chapter. I'm still not sure yet if I'm going to take one or two chapter to finish this but one thing's for sure and that is this is going to end pretty soon. So when that happens, you will know and I will see you then! Till then, peace out and I love you guys! :)**


	20. Epilogue

_Dearest Carlos,_

_How have you been? I miss you so so so so damn much you have absolutely no idea how freaking much I actually miss you! I just wanna thank you and your awesome agent for getting us a place in Paris on such short notice. I owe both of you one! I know this postcard is long overdue but we've been really busy since we got here three days ago. However, you can be sure that I will keep you updated. Love you lots! Bye!_

_Your 'honey boo',_

_Logan_

_p/s: You know the drill, EMAILS!  
_

* * *

_Dear Carlos,_

_Hey bud! How's things over at your side? Logan and I had been meeting clients non stop since we got here. I just signed with Elite today and I'm going to collect my new test shots from Sophie Beauvau tomorrow (I'm sure you've heard of her). Of course, we couldn't have done this without getting all the rest we need in this lovely penthouse you and your agent found for us so thank you! Both Logan and I will be working our asses off to maintain it from now on, LOL! Do drop me an email once you receive this postcard. _

_Keep in touch,_

_Kendall_

* * *

_Dearest Logie honey boo,  
_

_Congratulations on signing with Ford and booking your first major Parisian campaign for LV! Even though you and Kendall got signed to different agencies, I'm sure it's not too big of a deal. You guys are most welcomed and I'm glad to hear that you like the cozy bed that you and Kendall share in the penthouse. Do I sense that there's some, how should I put this...nightly activities going on every night in that bed? ;)  
_

_Talking about that, I have to admit I was shocked when you told me that you guys did it for the very first time back in Minnesota. I thought that maybe you guys were taking this a little too hurriedly but from the way you describe your experience, I think both of you have come to a point in your relationship where the love and trust between you two had reach a whole new level. And I'm extremely proud of you for overcoming the fear of your past bit by bit. Don't worry, it takes time but with Kendall around, I'm sure you will get over it in no time. But do remind him that if he ever hurt you again, I'm gonna drop whatever the hell I'm doing, come over to Paris, whoop his ass and take you home. And don't you ever think that I'm joking, I'm not! If you don't tell me, well, I will whoop your ass first before I whoop Kendall's.  
_

_It looks like I can actually read your mind! Because I was thinking about the same thing when you mentioned Paris. It was the place that brought both of you together and what better place to rekindle the flame than going back to the place where you first started? Oh Logie, you're such a hopeless romantic! Then again, I commend you for choosing to be based in Paris, you get more modeling jobs there compared to LA or the whole of America! Our Logie is a genius as always!  
_

_About meeting up, I think we may get the opportunity sooner than you think since both of you look like in demand models, you may end up booking some of the shows for the upcoming New York Fashion Week. I will be there so hit me up when you get booked. _

_I'm gonna go get my beauty sleep now. I have a course to teach tomorrow. Yes you read that right!_

_Love and hugs,_

_Carlitos_

_p/s: Language shouldn't be a problem to you. You're a genius, remember? :P_

* * *

_Hey Logan!  
_

_Uncle Phil and Aunt Joanna just came home not so long ago and I will be heading back to Wisconsin soon to finish the remainder of my course. But, I will be back in Minnesota again since I've been offered a place in the production company! I'm so excited!_

_How's Paris? I bet it must be fun because Kendall's there. Wait, how's KENDALL? OMG, I miss him so much! :'( Tell him I wanna hug him and kiss him so badly! :D  
_

_Forever Kendall's,_

_Stephanie_

* * *

_Dear Carlos,  
_

_Good to hear that you received the postcard! If the clients like us enough, who knows? We may see you in New York soon. Or if not, there's always Paris Fashion Week and I'm pretty confident Logan and I can book at least one show. Even if it's not fashion week, you are always welcome to crash at our place or stay with us if you're working here. After all, we wouldn't have got the place without your help._

_It feels different to be based in Paris. It's one thing to model overseas and go back to America at the end of the day and another to work in and go home to a foreign country. The whole experience is refreshing to be honest. _

_Besides, I love it here for the simple reason that Paris was responsible for bringing Logan and I together. Well I know you're going to say it but I'm gonna beat you to it! I admit and I'm proud to be a hopeless romantic! :)_

_Dior Homme called today and requested me first thing in the morning so I have to go now. Goodnight and goodbye!_

_Always working hard,_

_Kendall_

_p/s: Logan's French had improved significantly, thanks to the French tutor, yours truly ;)_

* * *

_Hey Stephanie,  
_

_Do tell mom and dad that I will Skype soon and send my regards to your parents when you're back in Wisconsin. Congratulations on getting a permanent job! :D btw, I just saw the poster for Brand New Day today during lunch break, it's coming to French theaters soon, dubbed of course. _

_Paris is awesome and Kendall says he miss you too. But please, Steph, can you stop fangirling for once? _

_Forever annoyed with Stephanie King's fangirling,_

_Logan_

* * *

**A/N: And...we have reached the end of the story! Are you sad or happy? Do you like the way I chose to end this story? Or do you hate it? What do you think of the presentation style of the final chapter? Is it acceptable or did it turn out to be nothing more than an epic fail? R&R and tell me! :D  
**

**I would like to take this time to thank my fellow followers, fav-ers and of course the reviewers who took the time to read this story. Here's a shoutout to Chey21, LoveSparkle, Sandy, Manuel, , bubzchoc, GabeRusher, RandomWriter23, Sailing The Kogan Ship, thearbiter35, Teddybear no1, angelrescue02, spookje10 and Fernando for reviewing. They mean a lot to me and helped me with writing the story, so a big thank you to the above mentioned and not forgetting all the guest reviewers as well. Each and every reviews are special and precious to me! :')**

**p/s: Manuel, thank you for giving me my 100th review! And I have to say I always LOL when I read your review! :P**

**pps: Brand New Day is the name of the movie that Logan filmed in Chapters 17 to 19.**

**ppps: Do you think that this is worthy of a sequel? Tell me! :D**

**Till we meet again, I love you guys and peace out! :)**


	21. SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT

Hey peeps! I have a special announcement to make!

Previously, I requested you guys to vote on a poll I created some time ago. Well, let's just say that the plans fell through and the poll is now obsolete at best. But I appreciate every one of you who voted, so thank you but I'm sorry the stories I had planned before won't appear here anytime soon. Also, I did mention that I will be working on something that is of epic length but currently, that will be put on hold because I have something better in mind. Are you ready for it? ;)

Okay...so the announcement that I'm going to make is that _**Prêt-à-porter** _will have a _**sequel**_! Do I hear a yay or nay? LOL! :D

The project will be tentatively titled **_Paris 2.0_** and it's in the planning stage. I've decided to update the progress of the sequel in my profile so if you like, you can check back my profile every now and then to see the progress. The first chapter should be up in the next few weeks. So, stay tuned! I hope this one will be better than the first one...fingers crossed!

Anyway, thank you once again for the overwhelming yet surprising love and support you awesome people gave this story! I'm overcome with emotions, honestly. :')

Till we meet again in the sequel! Love you guys to death! Hugs, love and kisses from me! :)


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